Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Babylon, Aug 15, 2012.
I miss human touch
This is very cute & beautiful! Gonna try Sunday!
A topical bop.
If I'm not, then how do I explain the fact that I can't even get a hi on Grindr or any male sexual attention whatsoever? How do I justify how my friends all get to do whatever they want with whoever they want and I couldn't turn someone's head even if I tilted their head with my own hands?
I'm just gonna leave this thread again because nobody seems to get this or how I feel at all.
We can't help you if you're unwilling to help yourself.
I'm sorry, that sounds kinda harsh. But it sounds like maybe you need to reach out to a professional if this is such an issue?
Don't be so hard on yourself. Grindr isn't the place to seek validation/approval from guys and it took me ages to learn that.
People can be damn right mean. When I was overweight I was fat shamed, when I was skinny I'd get the "You need a cheeseburger" comments. Some people get off on sending hateful messages.
It's all about having confidence in yourself. If you feel that way about yourself, it's probably coming through in the way you converse/how your profile looks.
Feel free to tell me I'm talking rubbish, just don't use how many taps or messages on Grindr you get as a gage for how attractive you are, it doesn't mean anything.
What you wrote spoke to me in so many ways. I have so much to say, but I’ll try to be brief. People find connections in different ways - some do well in a bar, some rely on apps, others simply visit saunas. You have to find the medium that suits you. Crucially, do you initiate conversations or do you only reply when spoken to. Finally, there’s a lot of truth in the overused line from The Perks Of Being A Wallflower, “we accept the love we think we deserve.”
I hope that all makes sense.
We all feel inadequate in some way, in the worst ways. But we mustn’t let that sense of inadequacy define us.
"If you don't love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else" is (although unfortunate because of who says it) a quite accurate RuPaulism, honestly.
Sure, you can be what you THINK other people want you to be. But that'll never make you as happy as being who YOU want to be, despite what others think. That's how you draw people in - you let them see who you are and that's when the right people show up.
Ddd I think something came up, cause that date is definitely not happening tonight. Either that, or he invited me over cause he was horny last night, and felt it might not be the best idea just yet today, which I totally understand. I'll try talking to him some more tomorrow I guess ddd.
Regarding attraction on apps, sometimes you just have to accept that they're not going to bring anything substantial to the table. It makes no difference to me when I have my face on my profile and when I don't because honestly, I don't get any messages either way. If I do, it's usually just one word answers and people wanting to know if i'm masc or fem in return. At this point, it's whatever but yeah, it does get me down especially depending on the topic of conversation.
Don't think of messages on apps as validation because a lot of the connections one makes on the apps are only fleeting and both parties in the conversation can attest to that. Just keep on doing you and don't be what others feel like you should be or try to validate someone by changing things about yourself, even if they're little things. You're gonna be more important than anyone you end up talking to, especially since you don't even know them all that well.
Delete the apps if they aren’t making you happy. I know that’s a little flippant and simplistic, but what’s the point if they’re only making you feel worse about yourself? It’s so nice without them, trust me!
Are you just going to do this every week if you don't get the validation you seek, but are unwilling to accept what support you do get?
I always meet people I'm more attracted to and vice versa out and about by chance (realise this is easier said than done during this time). The 'attractive guys' on apps are usually always vapid and don't go past much other than 'I'm fine lol and u?'.
Also worth pointing out, I find most guys don't treat apps seriously. It's an after thought, something that's a part of what may be their busy day to day schedule (yes, even during lockdown) so if they don't reply or whatever, it isn't necessarily on purpose.
Honestly, confidence is sexy. You might not be your own type, but the way you treat yourself might be off putting others too.
The apps are not what they claim to be in my experience. I haven’t opened them in weeks now and it does make me feel better.
Verrrrry much this. Guys can smell a pity party a mile away.
Ooo this. That guy I talked to yesterday, he had posted on his Facebook story something like "Hope your day is as awesome as I am" and I rolled my eyes at first, but it made me smile, and was part of the reason I messaged him back in the first place. Confident guys who know what they want - as long as they don't take it too far - are sexy. They have to find that balance of nice, sexy and confirm and extremely cocky asshole.
(Forgot to mention that we were Facebook friends through multiple mutual, and that's how we started talking ddd.)
There’s a fine line between cheekily confident and arrogance. You know it when you see it though.
Meh, the fucking “confidence is key” shit...
I personally don’t agree, I think a lot of people subconsciously rate your arrogance/confidence level by what they think is appropriate. It’s why a person in a group can be seen as either depending on the person viewing them.
This definitely sounds like a personal thing in your experience. Confidence is sexy. Arrogance isn’t. Physical beauty can certainly override that temporarily, but it doesn’t take long for the inner self to be revealed.
I know I am not alone in finding people attractive in person that I wouldn’t necessarily in photos. That’s a real thing.
Honestly. Walk in to a gay bar with your head held up high, a good posture, giving eye contact and looking positive. That as opposed to looking down and uncomfortable. You'll see a huge difference.
Realise its better said than done, but confidence is indeed key.
Separate names with a comma.