LGBTQIA+ | Page 968 | The Popjustice Forum


Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Babylon, Aug 15, 2012.

  1. If someone I was dating gave me that ultimatum... I'd tell him to not bother waiting until April and I'd sign him up to Tinder myself.

    The flatmate seems toxic and if your boyfriend is issuing these ultimatums this early in the relationship, what is he going to start dictating to you when you're living with him? That's how the cycle of control works and once you're in that cycle it's hard to get out of.

    I'm sorry if I'm overstepping the mark by saying this but I've been there, I think you need to look into finding a new circle of people to associate with who are more positive and understanding of what you want/need.
  2. I couldn't articulate what I wanted to say but I second ^ all of this. None of that sounds healthy and I think the only fix that will really be good - despite yes, being a difficult challenge - is to just move on from both the flatmate & the boyfriend.
  3. Thank you for the replies guys.

    So basically to update you all I've spoken to my boyfriend and I've told him I'm not moving anywhere with him right now and if he wants to stay at his parents house all the time then that's his choice but not to expect me to stay there everynight because I have a home and I'm staying here. It got really heated and he packed everything to leave and broke up with me (turns out it was just to scare me). I obviously got upset and asked him to stay the night to think properly, which he decided to do so. I ended up telling him that I don't want to be in this relationship anymore and I ended it, got in the car with all of his stuff to take him home and then he cried and I cried and I couldn't let him go as I still love him deep down. We ended up back in mine and went to sleep eventually.

    He has agreed that he will continue staying here at mine with me while I decide what to do and I'm happy about that but I'm still undecided about my future. I'm hoping things can change between us and our relationship will survive but I guess I will see. I'm thinking about another possible flatshare If I can get out of my current contract to leave my flatmate too.
  4. I'm glad you ended up voicing what you wanted, just... watch out for these types of red flags, it sounds like complete narcissism.

    Just take things slow whilst you figure out what you want, I know it's hard being so confused especially when you're in love with someone, but even if you do need some time out and a break to think that's totally fine, if he loves you he should understand.

    I'm sorry if I'm poking my nose in where it's not wanted, I just feel like I relate to your situation, he sounds like my ex.
    Island, Sam, LPT and 12 others like this.
  5. Island, Alenko, Sam and 9 others like this.
  6. Six months into the relationship and he’s already giving you ultimatums, fake breaking up with you and when you break up with him he cries and then you end up together again?

    I’m sorry but this is the definition of a toxic relationship. No matter how much you think you love each other. That love is usually fear of being alone, so we settle for whatever. No matter how messy that whatever is.

    Break. It. Up.
  7. londonrain

    londonrain Staff Member

  8. I want one intercut with Kylie’s pleased smile gif.
    LPT likes this.
  9. Not to be incredibly harsh, but also to offer some home truths, read back on these parts of your post. All of these point toward a calculating, emotionally manipulative and abusive person. You've only been with this person for six months and already he has shown uncontrollable anger (breaking things when angry is not a healthy behaviour pattern and needs to be seen to) and manipulated your emotions by breaking up with you for scare tactics.

    This is a very unhealthy relationship and can only get worse from here. Looking at patterns of abuse, it's only so long before the anger is taken out on you physically. Get out of this cycle now before it's too late. You should be with someone who offers to help, looks after you and cares for you. Not someone who has tantrums like a toddler and breaks your heart just to control you.
  10. As my favorite love/sex/relationship advice columnist Dan Savage says:
    Dump The Mother Fucker Already

    Sounds harsh.. I mean, breaking up is never easy. But 6 months is not as long as you think it is (Especially in the middle of Pandemia) There's other people out there who will love you like you deserve, not display rampant emotional manipulation. Being single and breaking up sucks, but this doesn't sound worth the "let's work it out". It's not your job to fix someone who is broken or stay with them because they're emotional.
  11. R92


    I'm veering wildly between wanting the pandemic to ease up so I can finally have have any sort of sexual relationship with anyone for the first time since 2019 and realizing that I'll probably come out of this being anxious and afraid of getting close to anyone in a short-term hookup manner ever again.

  12. Bumped into my attractive neighbour tonight when I was getting out of my car. We exchanged some small talk then as the conversation was ending he said "we'll catch up soon", my reply? "Sure thing chicken wing!".

    ... I don't think we're catching up soon dddd.
  13. I’ve been speaking to a straight guy (a guy from the town I live, we know of each other and follow one another on socials etc) about hiking/walk routes and correct clothing and stuff (he’s a keen Walker and goes often). There is absolutely nothing in it whatsoever, however we have had great banter regarding the walks and he mentioned we go on a walk together soon which I agreed to. I’ve since seen on social media he’s been on like 4 hikes since that and not asked me along. It’s fine ultimately because I’ve been myself with my friend but can’t help but feel rejected in a ‘straight guy doesn’t want to be seen with gay guy’ way. Am I being bonkers? I just often get let down by straight male friends.

    Is this a me problem? Or a them problem?
  14. Nah sis that’s just straight men being straight men. Uncaring and stupid. Don’t worry!

  15. The chasm between white gay men and everybody else on the LGBTQ+ spectrum only grows wider. What a mess.
    Sam, Chezam, londonrain and 3 others like this.
  16. Speaking of straight men, I started texting my straight FWB from like 2 or 3 years again (who I still believe is the most attractive person on the planet) and even though he shared that he liked what we did back then, I've been going on an emotional rollercoaster ever since. I'm feeling depressed again about how we couldn't develop a proper relationship or friendship, analysing that it was my fault or not, feeling guilty about the fact that I accepted a sexual-only relationship to have something with him and all these toxic thoughts. It's like I'm back to the 19 YO self hating me. I don't even know why I opened this can of worms.
    Last edited: Jan 6, 2021
  17. He


    Just remember to not be too hard on yourself, and that it is ok to feel this way. That something more than sex didn't happen with someone who is / was clearly unavailable doesn't reflect on you, and even if had been and it still didn't happen, it is still not on you.

    I understand there is always that lingering feeling of "I was not enough", but you know damn well that it isn't true. You just got to keep reminding yourself!
  18. Does anyone else get genuinely scared that they'll end up alone? I think about it all the time. I'm 26 and my last relationship was in 2015, I'm really not fully into casual encounters anymore, I'm at the stage now where I want something real.

    I really struggle to meet people online, I never get past the small talk stage, I'm such a big personality in person, but online it just does not come through. I've tried going out to meet people, but it never really happens.

    To everyone around me I've consistently maintained the persona of me being independent and having self-confidence but... Sometimes I actually wonder if I will be that 60 year old guy sat at the end of the bar who everyone thinks is creepy.

    Sorry about this mood killer of a post guys I just needed to get it out, there's something in the air today and I'm just a bit sad at the moment, sometimes I hate being alone.
  19. I remember feeling like this in my 20s; pretty much the moment I arrived at a peaceful and optimistic outlook on being single, and started to really enjoy it, I landed in a relationship that I'm still in a thousand years later.

    I can't speak for all gay men, but there's definitely a common trend of delayed adolescence, because a lot of us are so confused in our teens, the - ugh - 'footloose and fancy free' years extend beyond heteronormative averages, so your dating years aren't narrowing ahead of you, they're a wide open road that goes on longer than 'accepted societal norms'.

    You'll be fine xxx
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