Madonna: The Discography Rate - COMPLETE | Page 218 | The Popjustice Forum

Madonna: The Discography Rate - COMPLETE

Discussion in 'Charts, rates etc' started by RJF, Apr 19, 2020.

  1. RJF


    Oh my God...
  2. RJF


    ...or is it?

    Ladies, I'm afraid I must confess. I cannot go on any longer. I can't, I won't. There is something wicked in our midst. Something so evil and foul that the rate cannot go on another day with it still here. I've consulted my Bible. I've prayed, and prayed, and prayed for salvation, but none has come, so I think it falls to me to purge this toxin, this demon, from our sights and our lives so we can finally move on.

    Our second act of contrition for the day.



    SCORE: 6.324

    2015 PLACEMENT: 156 of 210 (6.265)

    10 x 12 (@Vasilios @eatyourself @Sprockrooster @DJHazey @GimmeWork @Modeblock @scottdisick94 @unnameable @citoig @joeee @TrueBeliever @Markus1981)

    0 x 9 (@matthew. @godspeed @Babylon @NightmareBoy @muddleddreams @Fortune @joe_alouder @Ramalama)

    MY SCORE: 0/10

    Girls, this is garbage.

    You know, I blame myself. I've made absolutely no secret of my disdain for this putrid stain of a song over the years, BUT! I knew. I knew this forum is made up of people who are diseased, depraved, and disgusting to their very core, and I also knew that if I so much as raised a syllable against this ghastly abomination, they would raise their scores in kind. So I tried to stay quiet, I did. But if you're complicit to injustice, you're on the side of the oppressor, so on it went up the leaderboard. The blinkers that this song manages to strap onto its victims, imbibed by what can only be vicious gas leaks in their 2x4 bedsits. I would see ballots come in that mauled everything past Confessions... but this would walk away with an 8/10. I would see ballots that mauled everything past 1999... but this would walk away with a 7/10. I would see ballots that just straight up mauled everything and though they were just being extremely selective... and this would get a 9/10. I just didn't get it. Yes, it wears a dusty, translucent shawl that allows it to masquerade as a bop in the poorest of lights for the most desperate of souls, but how does one bop to the sound of tanks rolling through the streets of their heart and burying everything good and pure in doom and flames? What kind of self-hatred? What kind of sub-human cretin with no empathy or compassion? What kind of creature of pure malice? I just didn't get it.

    "Girl Gone Wild" is Madonna's worst single by far. At the time, it just felt like a death knell for her creativity. It was a loosely compiled, slightly moist ball of tired tropes - some Madonna's own, some from a pop scene that was on the verge of changing trends but still had to experience the death throes of the last one - that was then hurled at a force meant to hurt, and it did. The opening prayer straining for edginess and meaning on behalf of a song that was empty inside. The insipid, nonsensical lyrics where Madonna tried to paint herself as a good girl lead astray like she hadn't spent her entire career forcing people to examine the edges of what they thought was decent and correct. Get fired up like a smoking gun? What? You mean spent of ammunition? All deadliness gone? Evidence pinning you to this terrible crime? Her rotten, pitched up vocals that sounded like the lid of a freshly exhumed coffin being crowbarred open. The cheap ass EDM production that they must have found reduced at the bottom of a bargain bin and was going, going, gone. I used to even defend the video as being the sole highlight from the entire miserable package, but on rewatch I see that there is nothing but despair to be found there as well. Meaningless, monochrome titillation that felt passée in a pop world that Lady Gaga had melted down, remoulded, eaten, and vomited back up in the time Madonna had taken between albums. Smoking! Black and white! Lingerie! Men in lingerie! Men in heels! Bodies writhing! Men running their fingers over their lips! Men sharing an apple with their lips coming tantalisingly close to one another! The trashy summer novel of Madonna videos: bought for £7.99 at the airport WHSmith, shallow, can be read with 10% of your attention, and maybe gets you a bit hot and bothered one afternoon on the beach before you leave it somewhere discrete in the airBnB for the next poor soul and forget all about it before you've even returned the keys.

    Let me add a little disclaimer: there's nothing inherently wrong with all of the above. God knows we all have our fair share of junk food pop that we love to indulge in despite the fact we know it's garbage, and even Madonna has a good chunk of vacuous, meaningless tracks that are just a straight up good time. Emphasis on good. "Girl Gone Wild" is just... bad. If you want something fun and throwaway, Madonna's got far better. If you want religious imagery, she's got a whole stack of it. Everything this attempts to do has been done better by her at some point, and has the added bonus of not feeling like soul-shaking loss. It is a cold, dead thing, and I am cheered to finally be burying it twenty feet deep in a wrought iron box, filling nineteen of those feet with cement, topping off with a final foot of pure shit, and employing a sentry armed silver knife and a flamethrower to stand guard over its unmarked grave until the end of time in case it tries to rise again.

    "Girl Gone Wild", despite being irredeemable trash, was playing during an amazing testament to Madonna's agility, athleticism, and star power as she opened the MDNA Tour with one of her most exciting, breathless performances to date that not only showed off the ingenuity of the tour's stage, but also showed why she's still the best after all this time. It interpolates "Material Girl" and "Give It 2 Me" as well, for those who won't be watching it on mute.

  3. RJF


    Now we're done.


    I'll return Sunday with a single elimination before regular business hours resume on Monday.

    178. Girl Gone Wild - 6.324
    179. I Know It - 6.267
    180. Act Of Contrition - 6.245
    181. Fighting Spirit - 6.227
    182. I Don't Give A (Feat. Nicki Minaj) - 6.203
    183. It's So Cool - 6.191
    184. Illuminati - 6.167
    185. Funana - 6.161
    186. Dance 2Night - 6.152
    187. Borrowed Time - 6.118
    187. History - 6.118
    189. Sooner Or Later - 6.109
    189. One More Chance - 6.109
    191. Back That Up To The Beat - 6.076
    192. Let Down Your Guard - 6.036
    193. Killers Who Are Partying - 6.015
    194. I'm A Sinner - 6.012
    195. I Fucked Up - 5.964
    196 - Some Girls - 5.933
    197. He's A Man - 5.924
    198. Give Me All Your Luvin' (Feat. Nicki Minaj & M.I.A.) - 5.921
    199. Buenos Aires - 5.894
    200. Super Pop - 5.848
    201. Revolver (Feat. Lil Wayne) - 5.827
    202. Can't Stop - 5.77
    203. Ain't No Big Deal - 5.736
    204. Turn Up The Radio - 5.727
    205. Best Friend - 5.721
    206. Graffiti Heart - 5.697
    207. Hanky Panky - 5.691
    208. Love Makes The World Go Round - 5.679
    209. Back In Business - 5.67
    210. Pretender - 5.661
    211. Lament - 5.615
    212. Cyber-Raga - 5.603
    213. Incredible - 5.545
    214. Jimmy Jimmy - 5.521
    215. Now I'm Following You - 5.497
    216. Ring My Bell - 5.424
    217. S.E.X. - 5.373
    218. Spanish Lesson - 4.997
    219. Shoo-Bee-Doo - 4.948
    220. More - 4.852
    221. What Can You Lose - 4.436
    222. Superstar - 4.391
    223. Auto-Tune Baby - 4.121
    224. Cry Baby - 3.367
    225. I'm Going Bananas - 3.327
    226. B-Day Song (Feat. M.I.A.) - 3.000
    227. Hey You - 2.976

  4. I honestly had no idea @RJF hated this track.

    So my 10 is no case of me being petty and upping my score just to spite our host. It is actually because I see the song as a worthy winner (the sole reason I handed out 10s in this rate). Not that this statement helped my case to be unbranded as trash I think.
  5. RJF


  6. I couldn’t remember if it was this or Candy Shop.
  7. I found the old Girl Gone Wild thread the other day and I have to say it made for a very interesting read.
  8. Girl Gone Wild is a bop.
  9. M24


    How interesting that Act of Contrition and Girl Gone Wild were eliminated the same day! Personally, while I prefer the former, I don't mind Girl Gone Wild at all, especially with that intro... Madonna could recite a prayer over a reggae instrumental and I'd stan anyway.
  10. I wouldn't mind seeing the back of that.

    I'm loving seeing Fighting Spirit out, even though it took way too long. It's the definition of cutting floor material. The melody sounds so amatuerish. I gave it a 3.

    I Know It is cute but this is about the time that cute-but-not-much-else should be exiting. And her singing sounds extremely weak on the verses, which is weird because her voice is generally passionate and strong on the parent album. I gave it a 6.

    I didn't feel comfortable giving Act of Contrition too high a score because I don't think it works that well on its own. It feels like an interlude and escapes that distinction because it's the last track. But for what it does for the whole album, it's quite excellent and iconic. And I think that it underscores that Like A Prayer was the album where her artistic eccentricities and her penchant for the pop avant-garde started to show. Between it's non-songness and its bold creative strength, I found it fit to compromise with a 7.5.
    acl and R27 like this.
  11. I don't think it's always a case of throwing Rebel Heart under the bus. I still think that Rebel Heart is an excellent pop album, but Madame X did kind of highlight its flaws. I also disagree with idea that the middle of the album is underwhelming.
    Maki likes this.
  12. matthew.

    matthew. Staff Member

    Rest in Piss Girl Gone Wild.
  13. BOGO 50% off at Clarie's yas
  15. Songs that need to leave in the next batch: Over and Over, Stay, Something to Remember, Mother and Father (seethe, rats), Love Spent, Body Shop, Supernatural, the Evita tracks and Your Honesty.

    Literally the only songs I have left that scored 5 or under.
  16. @RJF I knew you had talent but this is...Wow. What a completely outrageous write-up. Extraordinarily over-the-top. A pure delight. Now that I finally caught my breath again, I can thank you for almost killing me with laughter.
  17. I love @RJF's write up and laughed a lot, but I honestly don't understand why some people hate Girl Gone Wild so much. I get it theoretically (and yes, the attempt to give it substance with the intro is a bit cringey), but when I actually hear the song, it sounds melodically strong, more energetic than the vast majority of the album, and its chorus remains excellent and far and away the catchiest thing on the album. It's possible that my 8 might have been a result of me mentally comparing this song to the likes of Turn Up The Radio and Superstar, but I really do think it's a strong vapid bop. Yes, it's stupid fun in the way that many MDNA tracks are, but the difference is that I think this is fun with without quotes around it, which is more than I can say for some of the others. I think what sets is apart is that its fundamentals are strong. Turn Up The Radio might have more dignity in some ways, but melodically it's so much weaker. I actually think Girl Gone Wild should have been the lead. And I don't think she sounds that bad on it. A bit thin but tolerable, nowhere near the absolute mess that her voice is on the chorus of Best Friend or the verses of I'm A Sinner.
  18. I don't agree with a lot of these tracks, but yes at Your Honestly. It's one of those tracks that when fans are like, "This should have been on the album," I'm like nooooooo. It's so weak.
  19. Fuck, I think that live video is even more offensive than the song. That crowd loop makes me wanna punch a wall.
    FridayNight, rav4boy and Pop Life like this.
  20. Girl Gone Wild is up there with Xtina’s Your Body, both are on my imaginery soundtrack of the best trashiest night out ever circa 1994,
    unnameable likes this.
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