Ah my students. People who have no clue who Beyoncé is aside from playing Nala in the Lion King adaptation. When I played some hits (Crazy In Love / Single Ladies) from her they recognized but had no clue it was the same person. Imagine that. The last time I felt that old was when I talked about the attack on 9/11 and they all looking confused until I realised they were born after that happened.
We go hard... And sometimes we go home... And sometimes on our way home... We do some shopping. 166 SCORE: 6.588 2015 PLACEMENT: 162 of 210 (6.103) HIGHEST SCORE: 10 x 4 (@eatyourself @JMRGBY @Crisp X @japanbonustrack) LOWEST SCORE: 2 x 4 (@Euphoria @2014 @Aester @Markus1981) MY SCORE: 7/10 Are you gagged? I'm a bit gagged if I'm honest. I thought that if there was any track that would benefit from a Hard Candy reappraisal, it would be this one, but no. Madonna's "Run The World (Girls)" before Diplo was even a twinkle in Beyoncé's eye and an obvious favourite of hers, be it down to genuine affection or the fact that she knows it pisses off the people who still pay £600 for a front row seat to hate 70% of her setlist anyway, but we'll get to that in the end of this post... Acting as the opening track to Hard Candy, "Candy Shop" is the result of Madonna asking Pharrell for "hot shit" and getting this laid onto her hands in return, and she loved it. If memory serves me correctly, she even fought to have this be the lead single for the album before Warner overruled with "4 Minutes", to which Madonna replied, "Oh whatever I just signed a contract with Live Nation for $120M do what you want." and skipped off to find a nice public restroom to do the album photoshoot in and deciding to stay in Adidas tracksuits for the rest of the era. I can't really remember where I stood on this back in 2015, but I don't think I was nearly as kind as I was this year. It's just so stupid and fun; Madonna likening her pussy to a candy store. Like of course Pharrell can't resist panting all over it but Madonna sounds like she's having a blast, it's insanely catchy, and the production is suitably chewy and delightful; that bouncy instrumental just after the chorus is sublime. "My sugar is raaahhh!!!!" is also just iconic at this point, and you can stay mad. Stick-stick-stick-sticky and sweet. "Candy Shop" has been performed on more tours than several actual multi-platinum mega hits, if you wanted confirmation of Madonna's love for it. The first time was when it opened the show at Sticky & Sweet in 2008, the second time saw it take a few elements from "Erotica" when it popped up during the MDNA Tour in 2012, and at the time of writing, its last outing was on the Rebel Heart Tour during the final 1920s-themed act. She also performed a few times around the album launch, and will no doubt perform it in the future particularly when she got the back room of her candy shop refurbished last year. I have compiled all those listed performances below, flavours galore... but I hate Turkish delight. Can I have something else to suck?
Tomorrow: a tie! See you then! 166. Candy Shop - 6.588 167. Wash All Over Me - 6.561 168. HeartBreakCity - 6.558 169. Bitch I'm Loca (Feat. Maluma) - 6.548 170. Your Honesty - 6.524 171. Beautiful Scars - 6.461 172. Something To Remember - 6.458 173. Love Don't Live Here Anymore - 6.448 174. Over And Over - 6.433 175. Another Suitcase In Another Hall - 6.409 176. Stay - 6.367 177. Don't Stop - 6.339 178. Girl Gone Wild - 6.324 179. I Know It - 6.267 180. Act Of Contrition - 6.245 181. Fighting Spirit - 6.227 182. I Don't Give A (Feat. Nicki Minaj) - 6.203 183. It's So Cool - 6.191 184. Illuminati - 6.167 185. Funana - 6.161 186. Dance 2Night - 6.152 187. Borrowed Time - 6.118 187. History - 6.118 189. Sooner Or Later - 6.109 189. One More Chance - 6.109 191. Back That Up To The Beat - 6.076 192. Let Down Your Guard - 6.036 193. Killers Who Are Partying - 6.015 194. I'm A Sinner - 6.012 195. I Fucked Up - 5.964 196 - Some Girls - 5.933 197. He's A Man - 5.924 198. Give Me All Your Luvin' (Feat. Nicki Minaj & M.I.A.) - 5.921 199. Buenos Aires - 5.894 200. Super Pop - 5.848 201. Revolver (Feat. Lil Wayne) - 5.827 202. Can't Stop - 5.77 203. Ain't No Big Deal - 5.736 204. Turn Up The Radio - 5.727 205. Best Friend - 5.721 206. Graffiti Heart - 5.697 207. Hanky Panky - 5.691 208. Love Makes The World Go Round - 5.679 209. Back In Business - 5.67 210. Pretender - 5.661 211. Lament - 5.615 212. Cyber-Raga - 5.603 213. Incredible - 5.545 214. Jimmy Jimmy - 5.521 215. Now I'm Following You - 5.497 216. Ring My Bell - 5.424 217. S.E.X. - 5.373 218. Spanish Lesson - 4.997 219. Shoo-Bee-Doo - 4.948 220. More - 4.852 221. What Can You Lose - 4.436 222. Superstar - 4.391 223. Auto-Tune Baby - 4.121 224. Cry Baby - 3.367 225. I'm Going Bananas - 3.327 226. B-Day Song (Feat. M.I.A.) - 3.000 227. Hey You - 2.976
Oh my god! This is the one I wanted to change from an 8 to a 9 (or 10?) at the last minute. It’s a Madonna classic at this point. There’s plenty of average material left in the rate that should have left before this. I’m gooped.
I HATE F-WORDS THIS SONG IS A STUPID BOP THAT DESERVED AT LEAST TOP 150 AND I LOVE IT. I knew I'd be second-guessing some of my own scores (I gave it an 8) but not like this!!!
It wouldn't have made a difference if it's any consolation. A kii: I cheated and took the video from the Olympia in Paris for the MDNA performance. Considering how shaky the audience were making the camerawork in other videos, I think the solid, steady picture tells us everything we need to know about how the audience were feeling about it sksksksks
I jumped out when I saw that I was tagged, but I didn't expect this elimination at all. Bunch of sour candies.
You’re more obsessed with Steps than actual Steps fans! I think I’ve been Stockholm Syndrome-d into loving Candy Shop which is basically what M wanted us all to do. It’s become a running joke now that she hauls this out every time. I was half expecting a fado mix on the Madame X tour just to keep it up! People who didn’t score this well clearly don’t have candy galore.
