Madonna: The Discography Rate - COMPLETE | Page 530 | The Popjustice Forum

Madonna: The Discography Rate - COMPLETE

Discussion in 'Charts, rates etc' started by RJF, Apr 19, 2020.

  1. My thoughts on Rain. It's her third best ballad (after Live To Tell and Oh Father).
  2. If I take you from behind
    Push myself into your mind
    When you least expect it
    Will you try to reject it?


    If it's bitter at the start
    Then it's sweeter in the end
  3. RJF


    Don't ever tell me to st--oh I'm out? Shit.



    SCORE: 9.358

    11 x 7

    @Digital Ghost

    2015 PLACEMENT: NON-MOVER!!! - 13 of 210 (9.088)
    HIGHEST SCORE: 10 x 90 (@RJF @nikkysan @funkyg @Andreas @Tigerlily @Vasilios @aux @cheida @Jwentz @Raichu @No hay banda @dodoriazarbon @eatyourself @HEARTCORE @m_dimitrov @discoteca @Euphoria @rdp @tylerc904 @Doenjang @sfmartin @2014 @Future Lover @JMRGBY @Remyky22 @AllGagaLike @Suburbia @matthew. @gezza76 @GimmeWork @Mirwais Ahmadzaï @Babyface @Andrew.L @dylanaber @Mjg0806 @Jonathan27 @Andy French @Up Down Suite @torontodj @theelusivechanteuse @Sail On @Syzygyz @Dreampopboy @Fuchsia @Modeblock @Hurricane Drunk @muddleddreams @scottdisick94 @letuinmybackdoor @Robsolete @Fortune @R27 @Sideout @MilesAngel @RetroPhysical @citoig @joeee @Xanax @JonBcn @paperboyfriendd @Miss Lange @Michael17 @BTG @Crisp X @Mister_G @Pop Life @K94 @clowezra @wintersleep @evilsin @TheChoirgirlHotel @KingBruno @Remorque @Trinu 3.0 @MrMannacroix @acl @LTG @ufint @Verandi @Ramalama @nametag @Markus1981 @sexercise @Mr Blonde @happiestgirl @Music Is Death @FrozenNight @Beautiful Child 2 @Push @beyoncésweave)
    LOWEST SCORE: 5 x 1 (@dancingwithmyself... yeah, you probably are)
    MY SCORE: 10/10

    Sometimes, even time doesn't change anything. Yes. Despite the ferocious competition and the complete overhaul and extension in the voting pool, "Don't Tell Me" - and thus, Music in general - leaves the Madonna Discography Rate at the exact same point it left in 2015. #13 is unlucky for some, I guess. Still though, look at all that. You can't say that it didn't have support.

    Maybe the other UK hunties can help me confirm, but I remember this song feeling absolutely massive back in the day over here. It was on the music channels three times an hour, it was on radio all the time; it felt much bigger than a #4 peak, and I feel like it's remembered as being bigger too. I would even say it was on par with "Music" in terms of how fondly it is recalled. And who could blame anybody? "Don't Tell Me" is easily one of Madonna's finest packages... ever.

    The song originally started life in the hands of Madonna's brother in law, Joe Henry, who has popped up a few other times in her discography with writing credits on "Devil Wouldn't Recognise You" and "Falling Free" despite him saying that tries to not mix business with... well, family in this case. Originally starting life as a random demo used to make sure studio equipment was working properly, Madonna's sister Melanie (LMAO, the way all of Madonna's siblings were doomed to being regular people just from the fact they got regular names) sent the track over to her, and she fell in love. From what I can gather, Madonna and Mirwais overhauled the production, giving it the iconic stuttering guitar, beautiful strings, and every other little quirk and oddity that makes it such a joy.

    My favourite thing about "Don't Tell Me" is that it presents Madonna as an entity as... fact. She is because she is. She is undeniable, and inevitable. The sun will rise, the rain will fall, and Madonna... will. "Don't Tell Me" places her in the pantheon of some of our basest truths, and with good fucking reason. Who else was doing it like this, for this long, and would continue to do it for even longer? We're getting to the point in the rate where I've nearly said all I have to say, but like I've said before: Madonna is a perpetual motion machine. She is a workaholic; she is restless. When presented with nothing to do, she will always end up with her next project. Hell, when faced with quarantining during a global pandemic, she has written the screenplay for her biopic. A scream. "Don't Tell Me" is a testament to that spirit. Madonna stopping is literally more absurd than the idea of the leaves not turning brown to green to brown again. She is a force of nature, and isn't going anywhere ever.

    Even away from the spirit of the track, it's just a glorious pop song. The way the jerking, stuttering guitar is juxtaposed with the fluidity of the strings, which then leads into how the chorus just glides, with Madonna providing this amazing, almost begging tone. Like mere words could actually stop her. And of course the outro where the entire thing just spills forth in every direction in some kind of string orgy. Did I mention I love strings, girls? I love them.

    The video, directed by Jean Baptiste Mondino, is one of my favourite Madonna visuals. The image of her strutting down a road in dirty jeans, tousled hair, and a basic flannel feels so... revolutionary? The shot where Madonna is on her knees during the middle-eight and picks up the sand to let it flow through her fingers - just like time has - as the day begins and ends in mere seconds on the screen behind her is ingrained on my gay brain. It's iconic. Also ingrained in my brain is the hot backup dancers living their leather cowboy fantasy. I don't know; the whole thing is high-key subversive in how it takes these stony, dirty, masculine traits and either camps or femmes them up. Big hulking men in tight jeans and tighter leather pants doing such jubilant choreography. How Madonna herself being dressed like an Abercrombie & Fitch model for most of it is a lil bit queer, and then she takes it one further when she dons the Stetson and looks like a villain from a Western, raccoon tail hanging from her waist and a leather jacket that looks so solid it might as well be armour. And then she takes the lead of all these man taller than her like she's rounding up cattle on the plain. It's sexy, it's fun, it's fucking gay as fuck, and the bit where they all stomp and stomp towards the camera and hold their belt buckles as Madonna holds our gaze... Reader, I'm throbbing.

    You know who else appeared to be throbbing? @FridayNight, who provides us commentary for their 11/10 unlike so many of you lazy whores, "The very definition of "talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, spectacular, never the same, totally unique, completely not ever been done before, unafraid to reference or not reference, put it in a blender, shit on it, vomit on it, eat it, give birth to it." Momma gave us hip hop, folk music, singer-songwriter, electronica, with a dash of Fivel Goes West for good measure. And the video?! Bitch, the cowboy in the solid light blue shirt was my gay awakening. She, Mirwais, and Jean-Baptiste did THAT."

    @Digital Ghost kicks us off with a sentence that is half fact and half LIE, "The best single from her best album." NOPE. "When it was released, I had just finished university, so it's synonymous with the optimism and excitement of that period. It still takes me there now, back to a time when I was different.

    Nostalgia aside, it's just such an interesting, beautiful song that continues to sound brand new. Opaque lyrics, yet the "unstoppability" she often invokes in her writing is crystal clear. The strings. Mirwais' glitchy electronics dissecting and slicing the acoustics. The strings. The gorgeous, bone-dry vocals that turn into something more unhinged with the vocoder harmony and the double tracking. The way momentum builds after the mid-section before giving way to those strings. Did I mention the strings? Rolling and swirling during the outro, like icicles in the desert.

    Inspiring, emotional, innovative and a bit bonkers. Madonna, really." Okay, win me back by being a string slut.

    And finally, we move to @aaronhansome, who finally takes a break from making us cry, "There were many contenders for an 11 but this was the sealing of the deal for me with Madonna when I was younger, after Beautiful Stranger showed me who she was. The burgeoning attraction to the dancers in the video, the cinematic strings, the twitching synths that contrast the warmth of the guitar. All things lil' Aaron loved.

    Aside from nostalgia and the actual sound of the track, I've only come to appreciate the lyrics as I've gotten older and embraced who I am after leaving the church. The very foundations of the universe can be told to stop but you don't get to fucking tell me to." YASS.

    "Don't Tell Me" was performed on Drowned World, Re-Invention, occasionally during the Rebel Heart acoustic section, and even made an appearance during Tears Of A Clown, which in retrospect was just a Mirwais fest. There's also a really weird performance from 2014 where a deranged fan joins Madonna on stage while she's performing it and she seems to tolerate the entire interaction for some reason. It also had a fair amount of promo performances too, which I'll do my best to link to. Enjoy!

    Music OUT.

    David Letterman (Acoustic)
    Promo Show @ Brixton Academy
  4. I don't really see it as a weird single at all because it's the second catchiest song on the album after the title track. Agreed on everything else though.
    Sail On likes this.
  5. LTG


    The disrespect to 4 Minutes.
    Music Is Death, Maki, Push and 2 others like this.
  6. RJF


    After seeing how much y'all did for Bedtime Stories in my meek stead, I'm not going to bother trying to eulogise an album I don't have much love for again. Music is... not one of my favourite Madonna albums. I find it an in-between phase creatively that also just happened to contain some of her biggest ever singles. Thankfully, those singles are great, along with a single album track, but in general it feels more like the awkward growing pains from Ray Of Light, and the first toe dip into everything she would move into with American Life. So, it serves its purpose at least.

    I leave the floor to those who love it.


  7. RJF



    1. American Life - 8.361
    2. Music - 7.916
    3. Bedtime Stories - 7.878
    4. Madonna - 7.767
    5. Madame X - 7.205
    6. Like A Virgin - 6.959
    7. Hard Candy - 6.825
    8. Rebel Heart - 6.822
    9. MDNA - 6.12
    10. I'm Breathless - 5.133

    True Blue
    Like A Prayer
    Ray Of Light
    Confessions On A Dance Floor​
  8. RJF


    Into The Groove
    Papa Don't Preach
    Open Your Heart
    Live To Tell
    Like A Prayer
    Deeper And Deeper
    Drowned World / Substitute For Love
    Ray Of Light
    The Power Of Good-Bye
    Hung Up
  9. How dare you out me in a graphic like that. (Truth be told, I didn't think outside of a couple ~genuinely~ low scores I gave, that it would look like I was coming for blood. The 10 brigade must've really been out for Ms. Music.)

    @Andy French, we'll work this out in therapy.
  10. BTG


    Oh fuck OFF.

    And yes, I feel like Don’t Tell Me was massive here? It feels like one of her signature hits and the video was on constant rotation.
  11. A sad goodbye to my number 11. Adieu, Don't Tell Me! 13 has always been my lucky number, however (and a powerful one in Kabbalah as well). We will meet again someday in cowboy heaven!

    Also, the way True Blue is coasting unbothered over better albums due to those monster singles. Somebody needs to put a stake through Papa Don't Preach's heart (the other two, however, can stay forever as far as I'm concerned). It is past time.
  12. Get Together and Don't Tell Me feel like they left at the right numeric positions, but honestly Papa Don't Preach, Live to Tell, and The Power of Goodbye have no right beating it.

    I probably would've given Erotica a 9.5, but that Confessions Tour mix is incredible, and deserves a 17. Deeper and Deeper is the best song on Erotica, so at least we've done that right.
    Chezam likes this.

  13. Quite a mess, isn't it?
  14. The cowboys in the Don’t Tell Me video definitely helped me realise I was a cig.
    FridayNight and KingBruno like this.
  15. This scene alone has topped me better than 90% of men I’ve slept with tbh
    evilsin, Music Is Death, acl and 10 others like this.
  16. RJF


    I've reported this post... to the FBI.
  17. R27


    Two tens back to back? Ouch! The Power of Goodbye needs to BOUNCE
    Pop Life likes this.
  18. Damn would have been nice to see Don’t Tell Me make the top 10. It’s simply brilliant and maybe the biggest radio hit I remember her having in my youth and was one of the 5 songs I considered giving an 11.

    I don’t love Ray Of Light being the pretty much the only non 80s material dominating towards the end.
    Last edited: Sep 27, 2020
  19. How the FUCK is The Power of Goodbye still in here. Weak hoes!!!
  20. RJF


    I'm... maybe going to do another double elimination tomorrow, taking us cleanly into our Top 10.
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