Hello, I'm really sorry if this is not the place to post this, but I don't have anyone to talk to about this and I need to get this off my chest.
The possibility of having got monkeypox is eating me alive right now. I'm kicking myself for having got so careless and getting so drunk. I feel disgusting and dirty. This was my first ever time getting close to casual sex, I don't even really go out to parties or drinking much. I can't believe out of all the times I choose to do something so stupid it's in the middle of a new pandemic.
I'm mostly worried about giving it to my mom, who I live with. Thankfully she's 56, so she must have gotten a chickenpox vaccine when little. But being older, I also don't know how dangerous this virus is for someone like her. I don't know what to tell her because everyone knows it as a "gay disease", and I don't want to confirm her beliefs about what being gay will mean to me (she has never been accepting of it). I also can't get a vaccine because my country has none in stock, and apparently, we've ordered them too late and they will arrive who knows when. There are 55 confirmed cases of monkeypox, all of them in my city.
On Saturday night, a guy I was talking to on Tinder invited me to go to the bar with him and his friends. I went and got really drunk. Afterward, someone suggested going to a hotel, and we all agreed. I got in a car with the guy that invited me and one of his friends and we went to a hotel. There we saw two strangers, and they were having trouble getting a room I think. I don't remember much because I was still really drunk but at the end, all five of us ended up in the same room, even though they gave us two keys. Suddenly everyone starts taking off their clothes and I went into a bit of a shock. I'd only ever had sex twice and both times it had been with a boyfriend. So they tell me to just go to the other room. I grab my stuff and go, followed by the guy that invited me from Tinder. We just stay in bed with our clothes and don't do anything. Some time (maybe half an hour?) later his friend also comes in, saying he got scared once the other guys took out some poppers. We just stay in bed and sleep it off. His friend at one point puts his hand in my pants and touches me down there for a couple of seconds, and we all kiss. After, I wanted to leave so I went outside to get my ID from the reception and the friend comes with me. He kisses me, takes down my pants and starts to give me a blowjob, but I got scared so I told him to stop after a few seconds. Then we all get our IDs and leave.
The possibility of having got monkeypox is eating me alive right now. I'm kicking myself for having got so careless and getting so drunk. I feel disgusting and dirty. This was my first ever time getting close to casual sex, I don't even really go out to parties or drinking much. I can't believe out of all the times I choose to do something so stupid it's in the middle of a new pandemic.
I'm mostly worried about giving it to my mom, who I live with. Thankfully she's 56, so she must have gotten a chickenpox vaccine when little. But being older, I also don't know how dangerous this virus is for someone like her. I don't know what to tell her because everyone knows it as a "gay disease", and I don't want to confirm her beliefs about what being gay will mean to me (she has never been accepting of it). I also can't get a vaccine because my country has none in stock, and apparently, we've ordered them too late and they will arrive who knows when. There are 55 confirmed cases of monkeypox, all of them in my city.