Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Itty Bitty Piggy, May 1, 2016.
This is the really hard thing about growing up that nobody tells you about
I think you should not bother with this people, honestly. They don't seem to value your time or effort, and certainly make none for you.
I can imagine it's not easy, but they don't seem good friends or friends at all? I don't suggest cutting them off, but maybe don't try to make plans with them or expect anything from them. Definitely try MeetUp and see if you can hook up with like minded people.
I also think, because it's been my experience and what I've witnessed, it's harder to make real friends after a certain age due to "adult" environments not being conducive to them. I haven't made new close friendships in the last maybe 3-5 years (I'm 31), but I'm lucky that I have an incredibly strong group of 10+ people who I always see and plan things with (even if we don't live in the same country at the moment). But most of those I've know for 7, 10, even 20+ years. I think friendships blossom when there's constant contact (school, courses, neighbours), and some are lost when that repetition stops.
I'm actually meeting one of them for dinner tonight so I'm going to mention the lack of effort everyone makes.
I wish you luck but want to say that don't raise your expectations. I put myself into a similar scenario and they were indifferent to what i said at best with one of them going legitamately angry at me.
What is their relationship like with everyone else? Could open a whole can of worms if you're not careful with it...
I feel like if there’s a point you complain more about someone than you actually want to hang out with them then it’s time to cut your losses.
I kinda get this in reverse. Friends will say "let's do something this weekend!" so come Friday I message on WhatsApp, see it's been read by al parties, but then they never respond and next time I see them he'll be like "yeah, I was tied up with stuff and assumed you were too."
One time last year we spent ages organising a weekend they mugged us off on, having paid to put the dog in camp - so went out anyway and got wasted - but they got pissy because we couldn't make the next weekend at a moment's notice.
Well I met my friend last night and I mean it was fine. I kind of felt bad because she was telling me about what’s been happening in her life. So I can understand why they have been busy. But at the same time, I still don’t think flaking on plans constantly is an excuse.
So I kind of just said that I was fed up with everyone flaking on me. When they have relationship problems or whatever, I’m always there for them and I don’t get the same. But I’ve decided to just move onto other pals. I don’t live in the same city as my family or other friends so I might just start making more trips home.
My friend was understanding and she did apologise for ‘being a bad friend’ but I know nothing will change and I feel that I’ve made peace with it.
I find that my friends don't quite 'get' that I can't just take a day off work at a moment's notice. Like, they'll always ask to do stuff at a weekend which is when they're off - which I obviously get - but they seem to get irritated when I tell them I'm in work. I do also feel that because I do work a lot of nights and weekends that I tend to be forgotten about when it comes to random nights out. The amount of times I'm sat in on a Friday or Saturday night and see everyone tagged as out and I just wonder if they assumed I was working. It's a vicious cycle.
Oh my god my point has just been proven a thousand times over. 3 out of the 5 of us were going out last night (me and another were working so fine) and I messaged at about 5pm asking if anyone fancied doing something in the afternoon today and the message was read by everyone yet ignored. Around 9pm, I messaged again about a different subject.
While I was asleep, the other friend who couldn't go messaged everybody asking if they wanted to do something in the afternoon today and they all replied arranging what to do and then said "Jamie needs to come too!" and reading that this morning means I've seen my arse over it. By the time I read it, I'd already set off for work so didn't have anything to change into anyway so I said this and that I got ignored last night so I made other plans. The friend I like the least then said that I'd asked about going out but then 'instantly' changed the conversation, so I screenshotted the time stamps and left it at that. I'm so angry.
It seems like your friends... Don't like you. If anyone acted like that to me just once I wouldn't bother texting them again.
Wow, I thought my friends are shitty. I’m really sorry @JMRGBY88, I agree with @Mikl C, it’s like they don’t even like you and are being like this to deliberately cause friction.
I'm just muting the group chat and waiting to see if anybody reaches out individually.
I think that’s a good idea but I’m not sure it will change anything. I’ve done it a couple of times so that they’ve gotten the message that I am annoyed.
I’m really sorry @JMRGBY88, that is a really shitty situation to be in.
Being close to the same group of people for the last 15 years, we all fall into our traits... But even after all this time, things can get prickly.
For instance trying to organise going to a thing in London, which I’d spoke to one about (months ago), them spoke to the same one about again, then when it came to arranging it, all of a sudden I had no where to stay, and the logistics of staying with another friend weren’t to my liking, for the other friend’s sake.
So I organised to go down a different weekend, staying with that another friend, but the catch is the first friend shares a flat with another close friend, and he had sort of given her room away for the weekend, not even inviting her along, so she kicked off, for herself and me, and now I feel there’s some fire fighting going on from the first friend, and now I’m getting “oh you should come but stay here or here” messsges, but it’s all done,
I couldn’t be happier about my plans, and I work in retail so organising weekends off always takes planning etc, and they all know that, but I will let him stew for a little while, just because it’s what he deserves.
See after 15 years we all have our ways and things happen, but it’s not earth shattering, you just get on with it if you all love each other.
But @JMRGBY88 your friends sound like actual twats, leave that WhatsApp group and never look back.
well ladies & gents the doctor and i are officially not seeing other people x
I experience similar with my friends in terms of taking time off from work or being unavailable because I mostly work from home with occasional office days there's some of them that think I can just dump my work and be available any time, but I still have a schedule to follow and responsibilities with work just like everyone that I can't just skip out of. Some of them get pissed that they can't come over while I'm working to hang out, haha. It's like they see my work as less important than theirs, or like it's not a "real" job, so therefore I should be able to bail out anytime that suits them?
In terms of the wider discussion about meeting people, it definitely becomes harder as you get older as others have said adult environments aren't designed to support it, and I don't know if others will agree but I find it even more difficult as a gay man - maintaining friendships with straight people when our lives end up following different trajectories, and being unable to maintain friendships with other gay men for the most part because of opposing expectations.
Met the man of my dreams tonight and I came home alone.
I mean, I would have come if you’d invited me. xx
You met the man of your dreams? Then did you meet his beeeeeautiful wife?
Separate names with a comma.