Self-help | The Popjustice Forum

Self-help

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Neon Green, Nov 24, 2020.

  1. Was slightly nervous to make a thread for the first time, but this is something I’m really interested in and passionate about. So here it goes!

    We are living in a stressful time right now, and I noticed on the forum there is a thread for anxiety, depression, LGBTQI+ issues etcetera. I thought this could be a cute space to go alongside these types of discussions; for people to share self-help tips, books, articles, podcasts and any resources for anyone who’s struggling with their mental health, or well, anything in general.

    For me, being recommended good quality self-help materials has changed my life and has gotten me out of some pretty bad funks. Alongside this I love reading about psychology and the human mind...I’d love to one day get my masters in social work or become a counselor! Here’s something I’m reading at the minute, hope it helps!

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    Gary van Warmerdam proposes that behind every internal struggle there is a subconscious belief. To make the process of changing these beliefs easy, and becoming mindful, he underlines the idea that the subconscious is made up from different ‘characters’ within you that create emotional reactions and fuel these beliefs. When you become aware of these characters, and accept them, then you can overcome the beliefs that have been holding you back.

    Gary also suggests that behind every belief is a group of sub-beliefs. So you may have the thought (belief) ‘I’m not good enough’ if you listen internally, you may find a cluster of beliefs underneath this, such as ‘people will judge me’ and ‘people are better than me’ you then find the emotions attached to these beliefs, such as fear, and label them as characters and become mindful and accepting of them. For example, you may say ‘Mr Fear is telling me that people will judge me, and I accept what he is saying in this moment’. From personal experience, when you do this, there is quite a big mental shift that takes place.

    I’m sure reading it will make a lot more sense than what I’m saying. There’s a lot more to unpack, but this is one of those books I started reading in summer and came back to, and it’s been life-changing and spiritually shifting to say the least!

    So I guess if you have anything that has helped you, or an issue you’d like some materials to help with...feel free to share!
     
    tea, xondus, stuaw and 10 others like this.
  2. This is a great idea for a thread, I can't wait to see some of the recommendations.

    The best one I can recommend is not a self-help book per se, but Why We Sleep by Matthew Walker should be the very first book anyone on a health kick should read. It's hugely informative about just how important sleep is to both physical and mental health, it's full of actionable tips and advice, and you'll definitely leave the book better equipped to get better sleep. It's also just super interesting!
     
  3. Ooh that sounds like a great book! I’ll definitely check that out. Sleep is something I definitely need to improve.
     
  4. I’m currently doing a CELTA course to retrain as English language teacher (I’ve had 1 concert since March) and sleep has been my main coping strategy with the intensity and stress, along with yoga.

    I’m trying to get 8-9 hours a night but I’m still exhausted because the workload is so huge.

    I can highly recommend Yoga with Kassandra - she has 10-15min morning yoga videos which are a salve for me at the moment.
    And books such as Daring Greatly by Brené Brown - she has great thoughts about overcoming shame, and also Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff.

    I think for me, trying to slow down and do one thing at a time, has been a massive challenge but is also the key to feeling a bit better? My mantra has been ‘first this, then that’. Every little thing I do, I try and experience it fully and not always go at full speed whilst doing two or three other things, and thinking about the next jobs I’ve got to do. It’s really helped with feeling less overwhelmed and emotionally exhausted.
     
    Neon Green likes this.
  5. Mvnl

    Mvnl Staff Member

    I'll second Brené Brown. The basic idea of 'there's strength in embracing your weaknesses/it's okay not to be okay' reads like a huge cliché but reading her books really changed my mindset and made me feel kinda relieved like 'I can just do and be me and don't have to hold up this impossible image of being perfect/in control' which I always did

    https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_the_power_of_vulnerability/transcript?language=en
     
    POPGASM and Neon Green like this.
  6. This is such a good mantra! You’re doing great with everything. I love the idea of taking one thing at a time.

    That’s one thing that gets to me sometimes with self-development, there can be so many things you want to work on internally and externally that sometimes you can get lost in it and the anxiety over trying too hard too fast can kick in. I’ll definitely remember that.

    How has yoga had an impact? Do you find it’s helped with sleep at all? I remember doing a yoga session once in uni, the videos sound great though, I’ll definitely check them out.

    Definitely second Brené Brown, what a legend! If you’re into self-compassion, Tara Brach is a good teacher too, she talks about shame, guilt etc. Her book is called Radical Self-Acceptance and she has such a nice speaking voice, lots of free talks and podcasts.
     
    Txetxu and dirtypony like this.
  7. It’s the simple terms like this that really hold so much significance. Thanks for the link!
     
    Mvnl likes this.
  8. I love Tara Brach - I listen to her podcast sometimes, she’s got such a calming manner.
    I think it’s just really easy to get carried away with life, and all the things we want to achieve, or how we want to be, that we forget to be present, in the moment. There’s always an underlying anxiety, franticness, and you almost get used to it because you’re just living life at full capacity all the time.

    Yoga has helped me just accept wherever I am at any given moment when I practise. It’s a portion of my day when I’m quiet, focussed on my breath, and just moving my body - not forcing, but just seeing and appreciating what it can do and how that feels. I’m not bothered about all these instagramable poses or whatever, that’s not what yoga is about really, but just being present in the moment and having time to myself where I can just be with myself if that makes sense?
     
    Txetxu and Neon Green like this.
  9. Hey guys! Just had the urge to drop this in here. They talk about how to get to know your inner critical voice, where it comes from, and what’s its trying to protect you from.

    I started a new job today and had that familiar thought train after of ‘you can’t do this’ but this really helped pull me out of it.

    I guess when they are seen as protectors, negative thoughts and feelings may not be as scary!

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    dirtypony likes this.
  10. I tried to dive into self care books many times before but never managed to finish any, they often struck me as repetitive and at times pretentious. I bought Mind Works because of this thread and it was tremendous, thank you! I have been doing the exercises and writing down my ‘character perspectives’ and it’s been a game changer so far. Do you have any further book recommendations?
     
    dirtypony and Neon Green like this.
  11. I hear you sis, quite a lot of them are just about ‘thinking positive’ and don’t actually offer a solution at all, but there are a few little life changing gems. But yay I’m so happy for you and glad that Mind Works has helped! I love that we can see our thoughts and emotions as ‘characters’ that aren’t us at all!

    The second best thing to Mind Works that has helped change my life is...not a book (although she does have a couple published, but I found the website better) but a process called ‘inner relationship focusing’ by Anne Weiser Cornell, she focuses on the idea that our beliefs and emotions come from ‘parts’ of us, like characters. You will say like ‘I’m sensing something in me is feeling anxious, and I’m saying hello to that’ and then you listen to what it has to say compassionately, and once the part of you feels listened too, it melts away. I feel like now you’re into parts work you could really like it!
    https://focusingresources.com/ - she has a free 5 day course which basically guides you through everything you need to do and loads of free videos and articles. Hope it helps :)
     
    tyrabnks likes this.
  12. Amazing, thank you! I will check it out.
     
    Neon Green likes this.
  13. Ooh yes this sounds similar to IFS - Internal Family Systems I think it stands for. It’s basically a similar concept - that we have many different parts within us, and addressing individual parts (perhaps your critical voice, or your fearful voice, or your discipline voice etc) and listening to what it has to say helps to reconcile the whole (if that makes sense?) I’ve found it quite an interesting and helpful concept although I haven’t read much literature on it.
     
    Neon Green and tyrabnks like this.
  14. Ooh IFS sounds really cool. Definitely, all sort of ties in with the idea of ‘parts’, and love the idea of that, like speaking to the parts in order to help them heal.

    it’s crazy, looking at parts was the only thing that really started to get me to feel ‘unstuck’ if that makes sense? Looking at the inner critical voice, different thoughts as actually being separate from me completely and from a different source of energy all together that you can observe - it’s so wild. I love it!
     
  15. Recently discovered Dr Ellen Hendriksen and she’s so great. She has this podcast ‘The Savvy Psychologist’ and gives lil 5 minute tips. This book is great too - helps you to ease the shy/socially anxious part of you in social situations.
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