Sifr's random movie discourse thread! | Page 3 | The Popjustice Forum

Sifr's random movie discourse thread!

Discussion in 'TV + Film' started by sifr, Mar 14, 2009.

  1. That's genuinely interesting, because I think he's a more believeable Bond than nearly any other. He's a frightening man - in the sense you know he can do some serious damage. He's clever, but violent. He's strong, emotionally scarred. I find Craig to be what Bond should have always been - I never did buy into that shag woman/kill villian/end scene with a quip. I really do think Craig IS Bond, just a very different one to what we're used to.
     
  2. You're not basing this on the colour of his hair are you?

    Have to agree with Wenchy, Craig already is one of my favourite Bond's.
     
  3. I made a few people who ran the danielcraigisnotbond.com website upset when I called them cunts on my now defunct blog. Twice.

    One of their guys left me a comment saying I shouldn't stoop to such personal attacks on them when they couldn't answer back - had they even seen their own website which was completely hateful to Craig. Not to mention sporting some of the most retarded HTML and grammar known to mankind.
     
  4. I think not only is Craig a brilliant actor anyway, he was such a change from what went before that it really rekindled the interest in the whole thing.

    I think Brosnan kind of descended into an almost self-parody, much like the movies he was in.

    Invisible Vanquish - step too far.
     
  5. I still want one though.
     
  6. God, yes. Yes yes yes. And the snowboarding off a vertical drop - no. It descended into schlocky gimmicks then, rather then being cool and fun.
     
  7. Yeah, Die Another Day isn't great at all...there's still things to enjoy in it. I like the pre-credits, the ice settings, I think the actual car chase on the ice is great. Toby Stephens is fun, and I think they could have done a lot more with Rosamund Pike. (I still say she would have beaten Jinx.)

    They dropped a lot of stuff that could have been interesting from the script - that weird mask Graves has on at one point is something to do with it. Something to do with the side effects of the face-changing on his psyche, he could no longer sleep or was awake when he dreamt, it was an interesting conceit (ties into the dialogue before he bites it too: "You see Mr Bond, you can't kill my dreams, but my dreams can kill you.") and went by the wayside.

    And the fucking CGI paraglide is embarrassing as fuck - it's not so much the water and background, it's the appalling animation on Bond himself. They should have come up with another sequence or done, fuck, I don't know, anything else.

    It's a letdown for the final Brosnan anyway.
     
  8. It did have a few moments, I'll give it that. The Ice Palace had its charms in a very over the top way.

    USELESS FACT: The Vanquish is a fake - it's a Ford 4x4 underneath with a Mustang engine because real Vanquishes couldn't handle the ice or the rough & tumble.
     
  9. Tribal Spaceman

    Tribal Spaceman Oh, OK.

    I'm happy to enjoy Daniel Craig's Bond, but I'd like to see a return of some of the more "fantastic" elements once his time is up.

    I wasn't thinking about his hair - it looks darker in the films anyway - but it is kinda like having a blonde Lara Croft or a ginger Milkybar Kid.
     
  10. I'm actually going to have to ask my other half now if that's true! (He works there)
     
  11. He said this;

    "The vanquish used in the icy lake scene is actually a mustang, not a 4x4, and they didn't use it because the Vanquish is too fragile, they used it because it was a)cheaper to hack about (think retractable weapons etc), and b) the Vanquish was in short supply. The Vanquish is actually a massively over engineered bit of kit, certainly stronger than the Mustang they used."

    I've got a whole lifetime of that to look forward to, can I add.
     
  12. Amazing. That is impressively comprehensive knowledge! I only heard it from a car magazine many years ago so glad to see I was a little bit right!

    The Vanquish made a nice change from the BMWs, although the Z8 was nice.
     
  13. He knows far, far too much. Believe me! They have all the cars used in the previous Bond films where he works, including the one dragged from the lake in Italy - a friend and colleague of his was the one who nearly died when he careered off the bridge. Bloody terrifying.
     
  14. I too miss the Fantastic element of Bond. Craig's Bond is far too 'could be anyone'.
     
  15. I used Videodrome in a long long essay about connections between pop culture and trends in the horror genre. A real video nasty that one, and one of the most innovative horror films I've ever seen.

    Wonderland is, yes Sifr, really quite beautiful.
     
  16. Not my list, but very amusing: Uncomfortable Plot Summaries.

    I haven't posted the link to the original, because a lot of the comments on there are by dumbasses who don't grasp the concept, but can you think of any?

    * 25TH HOUR: White New Yorkers commit crimes against both law and ethics; feel bad for being caught, rather than for doing it at all.
    * 300: Gays kill blacks.
    * 8 MILE: White man successfully coopts black culture to impress other whites.
    * A CIVIL ACTION: Underqualified lawyer doesn’t listen to clients, royally botches case.
    * A CONFEDERACY OF DUNCES: Social deviants make life difficult for genius.
    * A CRY IN THE DARK: Dogs eat baby, confusion follows.
    * ALIEN: Ship fails to deliver cargo, crew don’t get bonus.
    * ALIENS: An unplanned pregnancy leads to complications.
    * AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON: Tourist causes riot.
    * ATLAS SHRUGGED: Selfish industrialist destroys economy.
    * AUNTIE MAME: Spinster exposes child to sexual fetishists, socialists; thwarts marriage to good Republican girl.
    * BATMAN: Wealthy man assaults the mentally ill.
    * BEAUTY AND THE BEAST: Peasant girl develops Stockholm Syndrome.
    * BENJI: Family abandons beloved pet, forcing it to engage in a dangerous cross-country journey.
    * BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA: Redneck trucker kills Chinese immigrants.
    * BLADE RUNNER: Man with no apparent skill stumbles into escaped robots, fails to kill most, fucks one.
    * BLAKE’S 7: Terrorists fight government, die.
    * BOOGIE NIGHTS: Deformed boy goaded into life of crime.
    * BOTTLE ROCKET: Mentally unstable man fosters friend’s decent into mental instability, finds love.
    * BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY’S: Pretty redneck girl fools socialites, flirts with gay gigolo.
    * BREWSTER’S MILLIONS: Black man abuses line of credit.
    * BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER: Teenage serial killer destroys town in fit of semi-religious fervor.
    * CHANGE OF HABIT: Rock star regrets not looking closer at contract with movie studio.
    * CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY: Deranged pedophile big-business industrialist tortures and mutilates young children.
    * CHASING AMY: Homosexuality proved to be passing fancy and sign of sexual deviance.
    * CHEERS: Alcoholic cuts lime in bar as penance for his womanizing ways.
    * CHRISTMAS VACATION: Incestuous relatives teach family the meaning of Christmas.
    * CLERKS: Aimless loser remains in dead-end job, abusive “friendship.â€
    * CLOAK AND DAGGER: Spoiled teens discover drugs make them special.
    * CRANK: Drug addict spends last day in orgy of rape and violence.
    * CUJO: Family neglects to give family pet rabies shots, pays price.
    * DAREDEVIL: Blind man pisses off crime boss, gets all his girl-friends killed.
    * DARK KNIGHT RETURNS: Aging sadist corrupts, endangers minor, facilitates murder, destroys superhero comic books for 30 years.
    * DEADWOOD: Pimp and rapist charms frontier town into eventual fire-based disaster.
    * DEMOLITION MAN: In a future where crime is completely eradicated, a black man steals and murders.
    * DIE HARD: Dysfunctional cop saves marriage by murdering foreign national.
    * DIRTY HARRY: Police incompetence allows murderer to go free.
    * DOCTOR WHO: Elderly man serially abducts young women.
    * DONNIE DARKO: Hallucinating teen crushed by airplane engine.
    * E.T.: Out-of-control pet causes mayhem, sadness.
    * EVERY WHICH WAY BUT LOOSE: Part-time mechanic involves girlfriend in illegal fight club, risks life of best friend and endangered primate.
    * FANTASTIC FOUR: Scientist exposes friends, family to dangerous radiation to assuage ego, becomes embroiled in rivalry with former room-mate.
    * FERRIS BUELLER’S DAY OFF: Amoral narcissist makes world dance for his amusement.
    * FIELD OF DREAMS: Schizophrenic builds ball park, almost kills girl.
    * FIGHT CLUB: Deranged sociopath guides yuppies to their deaths.
    * FIREFLY: In an analogue of the post-Civil War west, a white man on the losing side bosses around a black woman.
    * SERENITY: Men fight for possession of scantily clad mentally ill teenage girl.
    * GHOSTBUSTERS: Unemployed college professors destroy hotel with nuclear weapons.
    * GONE WITH THE WIND: Rich, white slave owner enjoys getting raped, miscarries.
    * GOOD WILL HUNTING: Underemployed genius squanders prestigious job opportunity to chase trim.
    * GREEN ARROW: Rich white man with Robin Hood fetish goes vigilante.
    * GREEN LANTERN: Policeman beats up his girlfriend.
    * GREMLINS: Distant father ruins son’s life, puts entire town at risk.
    * GROUNDHOG DAY: Misanthropic creep exploits space/time anomaly to stalk coworker.
    * HACKERS: Cybercriminals on revenge kick destroy innumerable jobs.
    * HAIR: Hippie dodges draft, dies ironically.
    * HALLOWEEN: Babysitter’s relationship with murderer places children in danger.
    * HARRY POTTER: Celebrity Jock thinks rules don’t apply to him, is right.
    * HE GOT GAME: Escaped convict attempts to embezzle only son.
    * IRON MAN: Alcoholic rich white man with technology fetish goes vigilante.
    * WAR MACHINE: Alcoholic rich white man gives weapons to black man.
    * IT: Children use horrific murders as excuse to run train on young girl.
    * JFK: Family man wastes life for nothing in crusade against homosexuals.
    * JUDGE DREDD: Fascist thug in bleak dystopia is cheered.
    * JUNO: Teen fails to get abortion, ruins lives.
    * JURASSIC PARK: Theme park’s grand opening pushed back.
    * KILL BILL: Irresponsible mother wants custody of her child.
    * KINDERGARTEN COP: Incompetent left in charge of children, who are eventually fired at by convicted felon.
    * KING KONG: Endangered animal stolen, shot.
    * LA CONFIDENTIAL: Rapist joins thug in foiling police corruption scheme.
    * LARS AND THE REAL GIRL: Retarded man doesn’t know what sex toy is for.
    * LASSIE COME HOME: Family abandons beloved pet, forcing it to engage in a dangerous cross-country journey.
    * LONE WOLF MCQUADE: Alcoholic assaults local businessman, ruins marriage.
    * LORD OF THE RINGS: Midget destroys stolen property.
    * LOVE ACTUALLY: Prime Minister risks war with United States over a sexy secretary.
    * MARLEY AND ME: Out-of-control pet causes mayhem, sadness.
    * MILK: Uppity queer dies.
    * MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL: British comedy troupe inadvertently creates language lab for nerds.
    * MY GIRL: Boy killed by female friend’s irresponsibility.
    * OBSERVE AND REPORT: Emotionally disturbed man gets woman drunk, rapes her.
    * OCEAN’S ELEVEN: Gang of career criminals commit act of terror to facilitate robbery and romance.
    * OF MICE AND MEN: Migrant farmer murders mentally handicapped friend.
    * PILLOW TALK: Gay man tricks woman into sex.
    * PREDATOR: American military-industrial complex ruins first contact with alien life.
    * PRIDE AND PREJUDICE: Woman with gold-digging mother nags wealthy man into marriage.
    * RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK: American yahoo murders soldiers and desecrates religious artifacts for money.
    * RAISING ARIZONA: Convicted felon seduces police officer in kidnapping plot.
    * RAMBO III: The United States provides arms, equipment and training to the terrorists behind 9/11.
    * RATATOUILLE: Vermin infest restaurant until it is forced to close doors.
    * RAVENOUS: Coward is seduced by cannibal, destroys army outpost.
    * RED DAWN: Despite shock-and-awe tactics, a superior occupying force is no match for a tenacious sect of terrorist insurgents.
    * RISKY BUSINESS: Privileged rich kid gets everything he wants with no consequences.
    * ROAD HOUSE: Bouncer becomes vigilante, murders local businessman with karate.
    * ROBOCOP: Female officer’s incompetence leads partner to be murdered and enslaved by corporation.
    * ROCKY: White man beats black man.
    * RUDY: Diminutive athlete patronized.
    * RUSHMORE: Teen molests teacher, is expelled. Finds love.
    * SCARFACE: Immigrant finds running his own business stressful, dangerous.
    * SCHINDLER’S LIST: Wealthy industrialist expands not-for-profit ventures.
    * SCOTT PILGRIM: Emotionally immature musician sleeps with high-school girl.
    * SE7EN: Homicide detectives unable to prevent even a single murder by admitted serial killer, killer gives cop head.
    * SILENCE OF THE LAMBS: Incompetent manipulated by several murderers, stumbles upon suspect completely by accident. Creates situation that allows serial killer to escape.
    * SMOKEY AND THE BANDIT: Redneck bootlegger makes mockery of law, sanctity of marriage.
    * SNOW WHITE AND THE SEVEN DWARFS: Layabout stepdaughter shacks up with seven miners.
    * SOPHIE’S CHOICE: Mom loves one of her kids way more than the other one.
    * SOUTHLAND TALES: Traumitized vet destroys universe.
    * SPIDER-MAN: Nerd gets bitten by spider, complains about how this ruins his life for years to come.
    * STAR TREK: Over-sexed officer routinely places crew in danger.
    * STAR TREK THE MOTION PICTURE: Meglomaniac can’t let go of past glory, drives successor to suicide.
    * STAR TREK III: Military officers steal vessel and destroy it to eliminate a handful of enemies while engaged on an extremely vague rescue mission.
    * STAR TREK IV: Interplanetary fugitives poach wildlife from a past age to cover up an act of genocide.
    * STAR TREK VI: Racist military commander past his prime nearly ruins galactic peace.
    * STAR WARS: A NEW HOPE: Religious extremist terrorists destroy government installation, killing thousands.
    * STAR WARS: EMPIRE STRIKES BACK: Boy is abused by midget, kisses sister, attempts patricide.
    * STAR WARS: RETURN OF THE JEDI: Handicapped mass murderer kills septugenarian, is lauded.
    * SUPERBAD: Boys plan date-rape, sleep together.
    * SUPERMAN RETURNS: Illegal immigrant is deadbeat dad.
    * TERMINATOR: An unplanned pregnancy leads to complications.
    * THE CONVERSATION: Paranoid schizophrenic follows worst possible career path.
    * THE EXORCIST: Jesus trumps science.
    * THE FIRM: White lawyer learns hard work is irrelevant.
    * THE GOOD THE BAD AND THE UGLY: Nameless drifter kills American soldier over stolen money, hangs friend.
    * THE GOONIES: Physically abused, retarded man finds love with overweight preteen.
    * THE INCREDIBLE JOURNEY: Family abandons beloved pets, forcing them to engage in a dangerous cross-country journey.
    * THE MATRIX: Hacker is given perfect justification for mass slaughter.
    * THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS: Dangerous insurgent invades neighboring country.
    * THE OFFICE: Incompetent boss routinely endangers employees, passes fire-worthy blame, sexually harasses subordinates; is seen as “hero†compared to people who just actually work.
    * THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST: Mel Gibson fulfills fantasy of showing a Jew beaten to a bloody pulp and killed on-screen.
    * THE PROFESSIONAL: Hired murderer sleeps with little girl.
    * THE TAKING OF PELHAM 1 2 3: Civil servant insults and shoots foreigners.
    * THE UNTOUCHABLES: Murderer indicted on technicality.
    * THE X-MEN: Minority group seeks overthrow of social order.
    * THERE WILL BE BLOOD: Kidnapper commits murder several times.
    * TITANIC: Crazy old widow disregards lifelong memories of husband, children, and grandchildren in favor of that one time she fucked a bum.
    * TOP GUN: Pilot routinely endangers Air Traffic Controllers.
    * TRAINSPOTTING: Statutory rapist and junkie sifts through human waste, gets enormous sum of money.
    * TRANSPORTER: Repressed homosexual kills employers.
    * TWILIGHT: Girl gives up college for stalker.
    * BREAKING DAWN: Native American guy is romantically obsessed with ex-girlfriend’s baby.
    * V FOR VENDETTA: Dystopian government overthrown by faceless conformity.
    * WALL-E: Obsolete robot disrupts big business, disrupts lives of millions of innocent civilians.
    * WATCHMEN: Homosexual destroys New York, blames God.
    * WEEKEND AT BERNIES: Two employees take advantage of their boss’ hospitality.
    * WONDER WOMAN: Princess from isolationist culture lectures Americans on equality.
    * WORLD TRADE CENTER: Rag-tag group of underdogs succeed at a massive undertaking despite overwhelming odds, credit success with faith in God.


    I especially agree with the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory entry!
     
  17. LOST IN TRANSLATION: Unfocused holiday trip leaves two people in yearning depression.

    GOOD NIGHT AND GOOD LUCK: Newsmen undo crusading senator, all later contract lung cancer.

    TRU CALLING: New employee deprives morgue of much needed work.

    PSYCHO: Only motel in small town forced to close through pressure from big city.

    SPACECAMP: Argumentative kids cost space program billions.

    BROADCAST NEWS: Many employees lose jobs in massive cull.

    THE BIG SLEEP: Chauffeur's murder remains unsolved.

    EYES WIDE SHUT: Professional couple experiment with drugs, nearly end relationship.

    BODY DOUBLE: Voyeur fails to prevent murder, takes up with porn star.

    SHAUN OF THE DEAD: Man stabilizes relationship at cost of many lives.

    SPECIES: Beautiful alien gifted to Earth to engage in free love, is killed by humans.

    MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE TRILOGY: Government employee loyalty screenings habitually fail.

    BOURNE TRILOGY: Government employee loyalty screenings habitually fail.
     
  18. HARRY POTTER: Small boy taken from home by homeless looking hairy man and dragged round the back of a pub. Police not called.

    On a pop theme...

    SPICE WORLD: Mysterious elderly gentlemen employs 5 scantily clad young women, has them perform on the back of a bus beyond their will.
     
  19. Nice ones, Daneee.

    DEAD SET: Big Brother ratings fall to all time low mid-series.
     
  20. ZERO EFFECT (1998) - Good film. I've seen it twice. It also reminds me of the existential detective in Douglas Adams' The Long Dark Tea Time Of The Soul book (plus another one and a quarter books).

    CAPRICORN ONE (1978) - Dreadful. So badly directed that anyone who likes this film has to be viewed as an enemy of quality films. The last shot of the astronauts running is so badly filmed (should be filmed head on, not angled from the side!) that it makes me angry to think that the director ever worked again. Also very badly written with paper thin characters and uninvolving action sequences. Awful joke of a movie. So, so bad. So, so bad. So, so bad. Very boring. Did I mention that it was very badly directed?

    TO LIVE AND DIE IN L.A. (1985) - It's almost okay. The story is hard to follow for no better reason than because the director refuses to spoon feed the audience. The truth is audiences like to be, and need to be, spoon-fed plot (character and subtext can be obscure).

    The problem with Friedkin is that he likes his movies to be as ambiguous as possible. Unfortunately it never works out like David Lynch who ends up making mysterious films. Friedkin's films just end up being confusing when they should be intriguing. His grip on story telling is pretty weak because of this. Even a straight forward cop film like To Live and Die in LA is made confusing in places were it shouldn't be.

    His most interesting film is Cruising (1980) which is a total mess, but a fascinating mess that I've watched about eight times. It's about a cop, played by Al Pacino, who goes undercover into the New York gay S&M scene to find a serial killer.

    TEEN AGENT (aka IF LOOKS COULD KILL) (1991) - Michael Corbinis looks too weird and he can't act. He looks like plastic and you can just tell he had a MASSIVE EGO. I bet no one involved has a single nice thing to say about him. The film itself was so-so.

    WONDERLAND (1999) - If this is a Michael Winterbottom film then it's probably boring. He, like recent Oscar winner Danny Boyle, is not a natural director. His films are boring and stodgy. Their only good films, 24hr Party People and Trainspotting, are good despite them, not because of them. Winterbottom should never have become a director.

    VIDEODROME (1983) - Is this obscure? Very good film.

    THE FURY (1978) - A real stinker. Also a real rarity like Cabin Fever in that the script is badly structured. Nothing builds in a coherent way. The film ends up just throwing random images and sequences at the viewer. Without solid context (ie a plot) it's just boring. Nothing good about this film. It was one of the most boring films I've ever seen.

    Mark Cousin (Irish film critic) once said that De Palma is Kubrick but with bad taste. It's all surface image with nothing going on behind the actors eyes, no psychology and connection between the actors.

    Instead I would recommend Dressed To Kill (which by coincidence was partly inspired by the book Cruising, which Friedkin got to make instead, after De Palma couldn't get the rights).

    My own obscure recommendations would be Office Space (man hates job, decides to just not care anymore, gets promoted for it), Being There (idiot is mistaken for an intellectual by high society) and Rushmore (school kid fights with a millionaire for the affections of a primary school teacher).
     
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