londonrain
Staff member
The one that is a terrible rip-off of 'Break My Stride' by Matthew Wilder.
(It’s a sample, but done in the worst possible way.)
The 90's Billboard #1's Rate (1995-1999): We've come to the end of our road.
- Thread starter Ironheade
- Start date
(It’s a sample, but done in the worst possible way.)
Really? What's so bad about it? It was one of my favourite discoveries in the rate.
londonrain
Staff member
The vocals on the chorus are painfully off-key (could they not have got a singer to come in and do the hook?) but also:
Both Diddy and Mase have much better songs in this rate, but this... yikes. I hated it at the time, and I hate it now.Me realising that Can't Nobody Hold Me Down features the line "Young, black, and famous, with money hangin' out the anus":
(Mostly I'm just Leah Remini in this gif.)
Also, everyone who dragged Bryan Adams for that "unborn children" line had better be tanking Can't Nobody Hold Me Down for the anus line. There isn't even the excuse of a film where the protagonist is telling his psychiatrist:
“Have you never met a woman who inspires you to love? Until your every sense is filled with her? You inhale her. You taste her. You see the money hanging out of her anus and know that your heart has at last found a home.”
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she/her
It is the song I'm thinking of then. Yes, I think it's garbage.
And is also a terrible rip-off of "The Message". A pilfering of an 80's pop hit and an insult to hip-hop history for the price of one!
Next writeup shouldn't be too long in coming; this morning or afternoon.
she/her
I know I'm no connoisseur of hip-hop, but 'The Message' is a 100% classic and deserved better.
He/Him
You guys! You have certainly provided a place (yeah!) where I can boogie!
she/her
Did you hand out another zero?
Michael Bolton's 'When a Man Loves a Woman' getting a mention on the radio today. I hope @Ironheade gets money back for that. It's very late.
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He/Him
I don't think I did...
londonrain
Staff member
Have you mistaken this for your girl groups rate? Nobody asked for a Booty Luv reference in a '90s rate...
He/Him
Booty Luv is welcome in any era ;)Have you mistaken this for your girl groups rate? Nobody asked for a Booty Luv reference in a '90s rate...
londonrain
Staff member
Tell that to @DominoDancing.
At her VH1 Behind The Music, Céline stated that she and René kissed for the first time the night she won Eurovision Song Contest 1988 (when she was 20).
I was huge Céline Dion fan in the 90's and I was appreciative of R. Kelly's output by then (not being aware of how twisted he was then), but I'm Your Angel definitely does not correspond to the sum of its parts.
I was huge Céline Dion fan in the 90's and I was appreciative of R. Kelly's output by then (not being aware of how twisted he was then), but I'm Your Angel definitely does not correspond to the sum of its parts.
londonrain
Staff member
Have I really really really, really really lost two zeroes in a row?
YES!!!!!!
Has my beloved @Filippa given an eight to that thing? Really really really given an eight really really?
People do way too much with Bryan Adams. I'm just tired of hearing all his hits and so I wasn't ever going to give this one a high score, but I'd categorise his soundtrack ballads as dull rather than actually offensive (on the basis that he doesn't have the tunelessness, misogyny or pure lyrical awfulness of certain other songs).
And I don't know why you're surprised that @Filippa gave it an 8 when she's possibly the only person in this rate who consistently stans White Guys With Guitars as a genre and doesn't exhibit any of the usual rate misandry we see in PJ rates.
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He/Him
Hey, @Filippa gave me points for David Charvet so she can stan them for as long as it benefits me!
londonrain
Staff member
Oh, it's not a criticism of @Filippa at all! I also enjoy White Guys With Guitars, but I just ran out of patience with Bryan Adams years ago due to overexposure and the sheer number of people I knew who liked Bryan Adams because it was "cool" and it somehow made them "rock" fans.
Also, if people think Bryan's soundtrack ballads are worth a zero, they clearly have never heard "(I Wanna Be) Your Underwear". Even the Bryan Adams fans I knew couldn't stan for that nonsense.
So! Would you like another elimination?
Another predictable one, at that! But from here on out, it's really anybody's guess as to what might go...
81. Lullaby - Shawn Mullins
Average: 3.979
Highest scores: 3 x 10 (@DJHazey , @berserkboi , @unnameable )
Lowest scores: 4 x 0 (@Mirwais Ahmadzaï , @Blond , @HarryEzra , @br0dy )
Weeks at #1: 2 consecutive airplay (#7 on the Hot 100)
Year-End Hot 100: #46 (1999)
Ah, yes. Speaking of one-hit wonders, here's one of the decade's most derided! This was a good decade to be just a guy with an acoustic guitar, nothing more and nothing less. Case in point: Shawn Mullins, the Georgian ex-military singer-songwriter who got this one massive hit, and little else besides a couple of other minor hits on the adult-pop stations. And to judge by the reception of it here, and its score (being that he is an acoustic guitar guy in a multiple-artists PJ rate), I think I see why people didn't want more of him...
Though I don't like it that much, I wouldn't say that “Lullaby” is quite in the bottom tier of crap for this rate (both halves). For one thing, it actually has some fairly decent guitar work. I'm particularly fond of the build-up to the second chorus, as Shawn comes in with some harder guitar strums and some textured distortion mounts up to ramp up the tension. The central acoustic riff is nothing too special, but it gets the job done well enough with a nice combination of palm-muted lower notes and upper-string chording, the melody is pleasant in an unobtrusive sort of way, and I like the piano fills. I do wish that we had some more organic percussion, rather than the stiff drum loops that marred a lot of late-90's adult alternative, and the guitar solo is pretty weak, but instrumentally, it's not too bad at all overall.
But then... we have to get to the vocals. Now, Shawn Mullins' singing voice is not anything special; it's the same slightly congested croon that a lot of these 90's acoustic guitar guys had, and the nasally, sloppily-arranged backing vocals that come in from the second chorus do him no favours either. I really like the way he hits the “everything is gonna be alright!” line, sliding from falsetto to chest voice nicely to make it work as an effective if simple hook, but that's about it. But I'd certainly prefer a whole song of his singing to the spoken word he uses on the verses. Maybe it would be better if he wasn't using that sleazy raspy tone of voice. Good God, he sounds like a creeper heavy-breathing down a bad phone line! That one weird choice pretty much wrecks the entire song. Not to mention, it also puts a bit more focus on the lyrics than you would probably want. There's no unborn children in eyes or money hanging out of anuses here, but they're still not very good. Shawn can't make this story of a poor little rich girl engaging, and combined with his smarmy delivery, it really just comes across as a bad excuse for a come-on. So, yeah. Not completely awful, but definitely not something I'd want to stick my neck out for.
Blond (0) - Genuinely one of the worst songs I’ve ever heard.
Mirwais Ahmadzai (0) - If I could give negative points I absolutely would. (Wonder if I should've instituted that rule... could we have broken the "lowest score" record at some point? Maybe with that heinous cover of "When a Man Loves a Woman" from last round?)
əʊæ (1) - Clearly the inferior Shawn. And nothing's going to be alright so shut your cunt! (Is this elimination alright?)
WowWowWowWow (3) - Spoiler alert, Shawn. Everything was not alright. You are a shaggy-haired, dirty liar, and I never want to hear from you again. (Lucky me—that’s exactly what happened!)
iheartpoptarts (1) - I think I’ve just realized that Shawn Mullins and Shawn Colvin are not the same person. (Sunny came home... and burned down this girl's house while she was asleep.)
K94 (2) - No.
br0dy (0) - Dire.
Empty Shoebox (1) - 'She'd be a whole lot prettier if she smiled once in a while' - Get. Out. (Silly Shawn! She was smiling, but her smile looks like a frown, so he didn't notice...)
Mike (4.5) - Not heinously awful, but out of all the artists who had one monster radio hit and not a lot else, the success of this one baffles me the most. (Sometimes, you just fluke into a hit. No weird backstory, just... a guy with one hit.)
berserkboi (10) - How can people dislike the melancholy in this? Hits too close to home? (Because I can smell the drool and bad whiskey breath from here when he gets into the verses.)
unnameable (10) - Excellent, and appeared on every compilation going. (Yeah, one thing about adult-alternative hits, they show up EVERYWHERE for years...)
DJHazey (10) - Yaas, had this on a few mixtapes. I know the speak-singing verses are going to get torched by voters, especially those who might be hearing this for the first time, but it's all part of the experience once you've fallen in love with it. Once "Everyyything..." hits, it's lift off. What an uplifting tune.
Mina (3) - I hate the spoken verses. (Yep. Torched is right.)
PushyBakerFriend (7.5) - The spoken bits veer into creepy territory, but this is pretty interesting.
londonrain (4) - The chorus to this is great but there is just way too much talking in this song, so it feels like lots of waiting each time to get to the chorus. Everywhere I Go and Shimmer are both much better songs. (Ah, the curse of the one-hit wonder who has way better songs than the one hit. We'll see a few of those in a certain future rate...)
Filippa (3) - Why does he talk when he could sing? (Insert *wejustdon'tknow.gif* here. - Ed.) Nice chorus.
saviodxl (3.5) - With the exception of the chorus, it sounds like he's trying to rap in a soft-rock song. Just NO!
Rooneyboy (3) - Something to send you to sleep. Job done. (HA! GOT 'EEM!)
GimmeWork (1) - Yawn! This Lullaby just puts me to sleep from boredom.
CorgiCorgiCorgi (3) - zzz. (Hey, I guess his lullaby worked!)
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Everythiiiiiing is gonna be alright... Well, your chart record ain't.
Another predictable one, at that! But from here on out, it's really anybody's guess as to what might go...
81. Lullaby - Shawn Mullins
Average: 3.979
Highest scores: 3 x 10 (@DJHazey , @berserkboi , @unnameable )
Lowest scores: 4 x 0 (@Mirwais Ahmadzaï , @Blond , @HarryEzra , @br0dy )
Weeks at #1: 2 consecutive airplay (#7 on the Hot 100)
Year-End Hot 100: #46 (1999)
Ah, yes. Speaking of one-hit wonders, here's one of the decade's most derided! This was a good decade to be just a guy with an acoustic guitar, nothing more and nothing less. Case in point: Shawn Mullins, the Georgian ex-military singer-songwriter who got this one massive hit, and little else besides a couple of other minor hits on the adult-pop stations. And to judge by the reception of it here, and its score (being that he is an acoustic guitar guy in a multiple-artists PJ rate), I think I see why people didn't want more of him...
Though I don't like it that much, I wouldn't say that “Lullaby” is quite in the bottom tier of crap for this rate (both halves). For one thing, it actually has some fairly decent guitar work. I'm particularly fond of the build-up to the second chorus, as Shawn comes in with some harder guitar strums and some textured distortion mounts up to ramp up the tension. The central acoustic riff is nothing too special, but it gets the job done well enough with a nice combination of palm-muted lower notes and upper-string chording, the melody is pleasant in an unobtrusive sort of way, and I like the piano fills. I do wish that we had some more organic percussion, rather than the stiff drum loops that marred a lot of late-90's adult alternative, and the guitar solo is pretty weak, but instrumentally, it's not too bad at all overall.
But then... we have to get to the vocals. Now, Shawn Mullins' singing voice is not anything special; it's the same slightly congested croon that a lot of these 90's acoustic guitar guys had, and the nasally, sloppily-arranged backing vocals that come in from the second chorus do him no favours either. I really like the way he hits the “everything is gonna be alright!” line, sliding from falsetto to chest voice nicely to make it work as an effective if simple hook, but that's about it. But I'd certainly prefer a whole song of his singing to the spoken word he uses on the verses. Maybe it would be better if he wasn't using that sleazy raspy tone of voice. Good God, he sounds like a creeper heavy-breathing down a bad phone line! That one weird choice pretty much wrecks the entire song. Not to mention, it also puts a bit more focus on the lyrics than you would probably want. There's no unborn children in eyes or money hanging out of anuses here, but they're still not very good. Shawn can't make this story of a poor little rich girl engaging, and combined with his smarmy delivery, it really just comes across as a bad excuse for a come-on. So, yeah. Not completely awful, but definitely not something I'd want to stick my neck out for.
Blond (0) - Genuinely one of the worst songs I’ve ever heard.
Mirwais Ahmadzai (0) - If I could give negative points I absolutely would. (Wonder if I should've instituted that rule... could we have broken the "lowest score" record at some point? Maybe with that heinous cover of "When a Man Loves a Woman" from last round?)
əʊæ (1) - Clearly the inferior Shawn. And nothing's going to be alright so shut your cunt! (Is this elimination alright?)
WowWowWowWow (3) - Spoiler alert, Shawn. Everything was not alright. You are a shaggy-haired, dirty liar, and I never want to hear from you again. (Lucky me—that’s exactly what happened!)
iheartpoptarts (1) - I think I’ve just realized that Shawn Mullins and Shawn Colvin are not the same person. (Sunny came home... and burned down this girl's house while she was asleep.)
K94 (2) - No.
br0dy (0) - Dire.
Empty Shoebox (1) - 'She'd be a whole lot prettier if she smiled once in a while' - Get. Out. (Silly Shawn! She was smiling, but her smile looks like a frown, so he didn't notice...)
Mike (4.5) - Not heinously awful, but out of all the artists who had one monster radio hit and not a lot else, the success of this one baffles me the most. (Sometimes, you just fluke into a hit. No weird backstory, just... a guy with one hit.)
berserkboi (10) - How can people dislike the melancholy in this? Hits too close to home? (Because I can smell the drool and bad whiskey breath from here when he gets into the verses.)
unnameable (10) - Excellent, and appeared on every compilation going. (Yeah, one thing about adult-alternative hits, they show up EVERYWHERE for years...)
DJHazey (10) - Yaas, had this on a few mixtapes. I know the speak-singing verses are going to get torched by voters, especially those who might be hearing this for the first time, but it's all part of the experience once you've fallen in love with it. Once "Everyyything..." hits, it's lift off. What an uplifting tune.
Mina (3) - I hate the spoken verses. (Yep. Torched is right.)
PushyBakerFriend (7.5) - The spoken bits veer into creepy territory, but this is pretty interesting.
londonrain (4) - The chorus to this is great but there is just way too much talking in this song, so it feels like lots of waiting each time to get to the chorus. Everywhere I Go and Shimmer are both much better songs. (Ah, the curse of the one-hit wonder who has way better songs than the one hit. We'll see a few of those in a certain future rate...)
Filippa (3) - Why does he talk when he could sing? (Insert *wejustdon'tknow.gif* here. - Ed.) Nice chorus.
saviodxl (3.5) - With the exception of the chorus, it sounds like he's trying to rap in a soft-rock song. Just NO!
Rooneyboy (3) - Something to send you to sleep. Job done. (HA! GOT 'EEM!)
GimmeWork (1) - Yawn! This Lullaby just puts me to sleep from boredom.
CorgiCorgiCorgi (3) - zzz. (Hey, I guess his lullaby worked!)
Everythiiiiiing is gonna be alright... Well, your chart record ain't.
he/him
Yeah I knew it was going to happen, but I'm afraid I'm going to get a lot of "@Ironheade mentioned you" early on. This was more expected so easier to swallow, but some of the other songs people have called for are blasphemy. Amazing taste @berserkboi and @unnameable.
He/Him
This is seriously egregious! THAT left before Wild Wild West??