Wow, a male artist got within a hair of the final two? I think we can consider MisandryJustice defeated for good, so let us move into the final stages of this ridiculous thing. Man, some of the work I've put into this... it's not always been easy.
But as Drake Bell said, I never thought that it'd be so simple but... I haddaway.
3. WHAT IS LOVE
Average score: 8.934
Highest scores: 1 x 11 (
@Hudweiser ); 20 x 10 (
@CorgiCorgiCorgi ,
@Sprockrooster ,
@soratami ,
@DJHazey ,
@WowWowWowWow ,
@Ana Raquel ,
@yuuurei ,
@iheartpoptarts ,
@berserkboi ,
@CasuallyCrazed ,
@GimmeWork ,
@Conan ,
@Hurricane Drunk ,
@LPMA ,
@Ganache ,
@K94 ,
@4Roses ,
@AshleyKerwin ,
@Remorque ,
@Blond )
Lowest scores: 1 x 5 (
@Filippa )
Chart positions: #11 Hot 100, #11 Radio Songs, #4 Mainstream Top 40, #9 Dance Club Songs, #15 Rhythmic Songs
Year-End Hot 100: #82 (1993), #97 (1994)
Who? Oh yeah, them...
Oh, poor Haddaway. It seems like, whenever you end up in a rate, you always end up tapping out
just short of the very highest echelons! In the 90's Eurodance rate run by DJHazey and iheartpoptarts, “What is Love” came in at #6 – it did get a higher average score there than it did here, and with a pool of voters that has a fair bit of overlap at that, but not by a whole lot. (And his other single “Life” came in at #18 there, for the record.) “What is Love” fought for a spot in the top 2 for a while here, but fell out relatively late in the game. And you know what, I certainly cannot say it was an unexpected success. He's recorded one of the most definitive Eurodance hits of all time, a genre that is of course forum gay catnip, and left us with quite the iconic slice of 90's cheese in the process. So, let us answer, once and for all... what
is love?
As evidenced by this picture of our perennial nearly-man. Do YOU see a cigar anywhere?
Actually, more importantly, let us ask first, who is Nestor Alexander Haddaway? (Seriously. The guy has a name as awesome as NESTOR, and yet he chooses to just go by his last name?! Wasted opportunity there, bruh.) Honestly... I can't get that much to properly pin on the guy. For somebody who's made it this far in the competition, he is a startlingly anonymous figure, and the fact that his official website seems to be purposely designed to give you no information whatsoever about the man doesn't help. But here's what I do know. He was born in 1965 in Port of Spain, Trinidad, and he and his parents emigrated with his parents to Washington DC at the age of nine. There, he was inspired by the music of Louis Armstrong to learn to play the trumpet, and formed his first band, Chances. After completing his university degree in political science, he upped sticks and moved again – this time, to Cologne in Germany, where he settled in 1987 and took a job as a bartender while he was working on his music. Actually, he cycled through various other jobs, including playing American football (yes, apparently you can do that in Germany!), founding his own company called Energy that organised fashion shoots, and working as a backup dancer for some German pop artists. Here, he was noticed by producer Dee Dee Halligan (real name Dieter Lundstedt, but better known by his other production alias “Tony Hendrik”), the head of Coconut Records. No, not Jason Schwartzman's music project: a venerable German dance label that was founded in 1981, and put out scads of hit dance and hi-NRG records since then, with arguably the most successful band on their roster being Londonbeat, of “I've Been Thinking About You” fame. “What is Love” was the first single they brought to him, from his 1993 debut album simply called
The Album – though it was changed to
What is Love for the US release. And thanks to these being glory years for Eurodance in the English-speaking countries, it took off in perhaps the biggest way of any hit of those years... OK, “The Power” and “Touch Me (All Night Long)” and some others had more chart success in America, but I'd still have to say that out of that whole explosion, “What is Love” was the best-known of them all.
Honestly, didn't love this movie. Nice soundtrack for the Eurodance fans, though.
As for the metrics on how I came to that judgement... well, it's amazing what a good media placement can do for a song, and Haddaway found himself one heck of a placement. On the 1995 season of
Saturday Night Live, Will Ferrell and Chris Kattan created the recurring “Roxbury Guys” sketch; these featured them as Bob and Steve Butabi, two club-hopping brothers in garish suits whose signature move is bobbing their heads in unison to “What is Love” (which plays throughout the entirety of each sketch), and whose attempts to pick up women at the club always go disastrously awry. In 1998, it was turned into the film
A Night at the Roxbury, one of the more successful films to originate from an SNL sketch in this period. Even after the chart run of “What is Love” ended, I think it is the SNL sketches and the film, more than anything else, that secured its reputation as a prime slice of Eurodance cheese – and perhaps a proto-meme of a sort? Now, Haddaway does not actually appear to have ever acknowledged
A Night at the Roxbury, with Chris Kattan saying in a 1998 interview with
The AV Club that “We never even heard from him about using the song in the sketch, not even a thank-you note”. Kattan frankly sounds a bit petulant there... but nevertheless, I'm not entirely sure that Haddaway would approve of it, because by all appearances, he takes “What is Love”
very seriously. When a journalist from Flavorwire sent him an email in 2015 to ask him about his personal answer to the song's titular question, he replied with this: “I meant that 'what is love' needs to be defined by everyone with his own definition. It's unique and individual. For me, it has to do with trust, honesty and dedication. […] It was already in my head a long time, from the lyrics and the quest from people to look for it.” Well, that's that sorted, then. (All of this seems a little odd, considering that “What is Love” was not written by him, but by Dee Dee Halligan and Coconut Records' co-producer Junior Torello. Still, youve got to appreciate anybody who sees his song as a “quest”!)
For your love, baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me no more.
Oh yeah, and here's a little tidbit from Todd in the Shadows' One Hit Wonderland episode on this song, which I could not find anything to substantiate, but I'm going to take his word for it because it's too good not to be true. He says that Haddaway revealed that the original version sounded like a Yardbirds song, and that Halligan had wanted him to sing like Joe Cocker! Um... uh... my... I don't even... yuh... what?! Man, somebody needs to do a cover of “What is Love” in that style pronto, because I didn't even know I needed to hear that, but now I don't know how I've ever lived without it.
So what do I think?
EIGHT.
Yeah, it's cheesy, undeniably so. But it's, like, a fine cave-aged Roquefort. Even as an admitted non-fan of the Eurodance genre, I gotta give it up for “What is Love”, which remains a banger to this day. For one thing, Haddaway has a better voice than the average for Eurodance. Like Robin S, he boasts a good range and a nice vocal tone, smoother than hers but still tinged with a little raspiness and edge of his own, which mostly comes through in the slightly desperate cry of “What is love?”. In another life, maybe he could've made a good R&B singer? The main attraction, though, is that the production is pretty damn immaculate. One thing I like about it is that it doesn't ride too much on one catchy melody or drop. The plucky synths that suggest strings before morphing into something more openly electronic at the beginning are a good backdrop for the melodrama of the hook, the bouncy house organ riff and the arpeggio synths are both about as catchy as each other and the switch between the two gives the “drop” an organic character that never feels too static, and the bassline is super bumpin'. All that time, the pulsing, hustling uptempo thump of the beat keeps things appropriately dancefloor-friendly, and though the verses could use a little more development (as for now they mostly seem to exist to get out of the way quickly and not get in the way of the chorus), the hook, when it hits with its killer surround-sound combination of high and low-ranged arpeggio synths and glimmering post-disco strings, is a glorious moment. And for as silly as the lyrics are... well, you can't deny that “What is love? Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me no more” is one hell of a hook, in part
because of the incongruity between the two phrases and the sheer bluntness and simplicity of the sentiment, in a way not dissimilar to Max Martin and his “melodic math” a few years later. So, yeah, don't worry, Haddaway. Wouldn't dream of hurting you! Unless you'd get hurt by me not giving this a ten, that is...
Where Are They Now?™
Haddaway's second single was called “Life”. Yeah, early 90's dance music was quite a good home for wide-eyed one-love platitudes, and Haddaway tapped into that ethos as well as anybody – he does not shy away from asking the big questions, does he? But no, “Life” is not another slice of existentialism from our friend Nestor, it's pretty much just a love song... and also sounds quite a lot like “What is Love” with less punch and a less memorable hookline. Not a bad Eurodance song, but not too memorable, after the unfortunate fashion of 90's dance artists releasing too-similar songs as follow-ups to a breakthrough hit. Still, Haddaway did better with the follow-up than most. As a matter of fact, he only just barely qualified for contention in this rate, as “Life” tapped out at #41 on the Hot 100, and even managed to outdo the position of “What is Love” on the Hot Dance Club Songs chart, as it made it to #5, four positions higher than his one pop hit. However, that is where his American chart success comes to an abrupt end. Just like Rednex and Eiffel 65, our other major Eurodance entries, he had far more success in Europe: “Life” got to the same #2 position that “What is Love” had done in his homebase of Germany, topped the charts in Sweden and Finland, went to #6 in the UK, and also achieved Top 5 positions in a number of European territories. The other two singles from his debut album were “Rock My Heart” and “I Miss You”, and while neither of them were quite as successful as his first two releases, they still achieved decent Top 40 success across the continent. He also did a cover of Bob Marley's “Stir It Up”. I'm not linking to it. But hey, at least it shows that he has versatility beyond Eurodance.
Every little thing is gonna be alright... if you don't listen to that cover.
One might wonder if that was something Haddaway himself was thinking of, if his statements leading up to the 1995 release of his sophomore album
The Drive are any indication. By his own account, Haddaway was getting tired of doing just Eurodance music; he wanted to branch out and do more substantial stuff, and not be known as just a club singer. But if the two singles “Fly Away” and “Catch a Fire” (no, that's not another Bob Marley cover) are any indication, either he backed out on that promise or the record label didn't agree with him, because they're both still firmly in the Eurodance mould that “What is Love” had established for him. “Fly Away” got him a third number one in Finland and had a number of decent chart showings in other territories, breaking the Top 40 across the continent, but “Catch a Fire” showed signs of him being an artist in decline, appearing on the charts of far less territories than any of his previous singles; this was only cemented by the fact that, compared to
The Album, The Drive charted relatively poorly in a smaller number of countries, and does not appear to have achieved certification anywhere. Oh yeah, and “What is Love” would receive inescapable comical associations within a year or so following this, and when by far your best-known song turns into a meme and the butt of a joke, it's pretty hard to get people to ever take you seriously again. Just ask Smash Mouth. Following this, none of Haddaway's other albums up to the present date charted anywhere, though he has remained signed to Coconut Records the whole time, and continued to sporadically chart singles right into the new millennium.
No, the OTHER 90's jam called "Fly Away"...
Haddaway has continued to record Eurodance, but has also branched out into R&B and soul on some of his 2000's singles. A few of them have made the lower ends of the chart in Germany and a couple of other European countries, but none of them have been what I'd call successful. Haddaway, much like Chesney Hawkes, made a couple of attempts to revive his career by the reality TV circuit: he appeared on the German reality series
Comeback – Die Grosse Chance in 2004, a series where... well, washed-up artists compete in live performances for the chance to release a comeback single, where he lost to Chris Norman of Smokie, then on its UK equivalent
Hit Me Baby One More Time in 2005, where he lost again, this time to Shakin' Stevens. Following this second defeat, it seems that Haddaway did not stoop to the
Big Brother or ice-dancing lows, and instead returned to focusing on music. Probably wise of him.
Wouldn't have been an undeserved winner, teebs.
And where would Eurodance artists be without pointless modernised remakes of their classic songs from the 90's? Unlike Robin S, who milked the “Show Me Love” cow until it squirted powdered milk from its udders, Haddaway has only two: An unsuccessful 2003 remix called “What is Love Reloaded” (showing more style in the renaming game than Robin S from the off – I like it!), and “What is Love 2k9”, in collaboration with electro-house DJ Klaas. The latter version scraped into low positions on the charts of a few countries... except for France, where it made it all the way to #5. His most recent single release is “Up and Up”, a 2012 collaboration with his fellow Trinidadian EDM artist The Mad Stuntman. That did not chart anywhere in Europe, but surprisingly enough, it marked his return to Billboard, by making it to #20 on the Hot Dance Club Songs chart. I had to do a bit more Internet detective work to find out what he's been doing since then, though. He hasn't Tweeted since late 2014, but he's still active on Instagram. He now lives in Austria, appears to be spending his time playing 90's nostalgia concerts (mostly around Germany and Eastern Europe) semi-regularly, as well as posting aggressively upbeat “positivity!!!” stuff that sounds suspiciously like he might have been following DJ Khaled's lead. But I clown on Haddaway because I love: from what I caught of him these days, he seems like the most genuinely positive and upbeat dude in the world who's really grateful for what he has and is thankful that he still gets to perform one of the most remembered Eurodance hits of the 90's.
I find your lack of leather vests disturbing.
Oh, but I can't end the writeup without mentioning this. My absolute favourite thing Haddaway's done since “What is Love” has to be the time he hooked up with Dr. Alban for a song in 2008. (Yeah, too bad that guy didn't have any big hits in the States, because I'm sure I could come up with quite a bit of stuff if he was here...) The name of that song? “I Love the 90's”. A sentiment to which all of us here can relate, I'm sure. And yeah, it's basically just the two of them stringing together a bunch of references to 90's dance songs. Let me tell you, the lyrics to that song have some
primo material in there – if anybody wanted to run a “90's Eurodance one-hit wonders” rate, I would probably start there to get a decent idea for a preliminary list...
OVER TO THE PEANUT GALLERY
What is hate?
Untouchable Ace (5.3): I was just really annoyed by this last time alright, go ahead and win this time.
Filippa (5): Apart from the chorus I am really not so into this song.
Auntie Beryl (6.3): Another one surely no-one needs to hear again to rate. In the last ten years, Haddaway has recorded singles with Dr Alban AND the Mad Stuntman, making him the central section of the most 90s Venn diagram conceivable.
Seventeen Days (6): This is one where I kind of bop out of obligation. I feel like nostalgia makes people elevate this song to be better than it really was, but it’s at least better than Cotton Eye Joe.
Baby please rate me, please rate me some more
unnameable (9): So iconic that my local vicar even name-checked it in a sermon, apparently if you try to google what is love? It answers “Baby don’t hurt me”.
Empty Shoebox (8): Yes, the lyrics are ridiculous, and yes it's a simple instrumental, but it's a damn bop and I will treat it as such.
2014 (8): Actually pretty gorgeous? Should do well even though he's male!
chanex (7): Not-too-annoying nostalgic background noise from many a night out in the 90's.
ModeRed (7.5): Hands in in the air 90's dance done brilliantly.
saviodxl (8.9): A gym classic was born!
DominoDancing (9): Ze Germans have arrived. This kind of Eurodance was a guaranteed success in Germany in about 92/93/94. The really good vocal hook helps this stand out among the sea of similar songs released around that time.
pop3blow2 (9): Get this song out your head if you can, once it enters. It’s catchy in a good way, though. Solid production & undeniable beat. Eternal bop. Well, not
literally ‘Eternal’ speaking of which, where the hell is Stay in this rate!? That would've been a 10, from me!
WowWowWowWow (10): A hall-of-fame club track, always and forever. HE GAVE YOU HIS LOVE, PEOPLE. AND YOU DIDN’T CARE. How very dare you!!!
AshleyKerwin (10): I used to look at this as an annoying meme song from a Will Ferrell SNL character movie but My So Called Life helped me redefine the song in my own terms in a cheesy way about making the song about self love.
GimmeWork (10): This song makes me want to spend a night at the Roxbury with Romy and Michele!
Blond (10): They could play this and ‘Show Me Love’ at any nightclub literally a quarter of a century after their release and people would still lose their shit. They’re so universally loved, and with good reason.
yuuurei (10): An eternal favorite, I don't know how anyone could dislike this absolute jam.
4Roses (10): Having my own little warehouse rave right now.
Ganache (10): Classic dance track that despite hearing it millions of times is still great!
berserkboi (10): A highlight song in anyone’s career and a timeless classic!
Sprockrooster (10): Everything about this track is just on point.
iheartpoptarts (10): For a while we really thought this was going to be the surprise winner of the 90s Eurodance rate.
DJHazey (10):
@iheartpoptarts and I wanted this to win the 90s Eurodance rate so much and it had the lead for a long time. This is one of the first songs I think of whenever I think of the genre. It never loses an ounce of its oomph, ever.
CasuallyCrazed (10): This is a perfect song. Should have won the eurodance rate.
Hudweiser (11): Fucking classic. Got my 11 in the Eurodance rate and getting it here (Haddaway would also, ahem, 'get it').
