The Ashley Tisdale Rate.



Tell Me Lies

Average: 7.71
Highest: 10 x 4 (@DJHazey, @RainOnFire, @Lost In Japan., @Totto)
Lowest: 5 x 3 (@coolforthesummer, @Drawlight, @Sprockrooster)

This has always been quite a non-factor for me; it sounds unfinished and does not possess the driving energy of the best Guilty Pleasure tracks. Written by two irrelevant guys and Emanuel Kiriakou (who was responsible for Selena's Who Says, the bulk of Bridgit Mendler's first album, Whitney's I Look to You and other stuff), Tell Me Lies is the seventh song of the album. Still a bop, but a tad disappointing in my opinion: though by no means mediocre, the production conforms to generic rather than evolving to anything new and, as a whole, it lacks something. Lyrically, Ashley pleads for lies that sustain her broken relationship, preferring delusion to desperation. Alrighty then.

Plethorya compares the song to the sound of an Aussie pop duo: "I knew this album was going to be very 'spot the influences', but I was not expecting to hear Veronicas." I wonder if this could've fit on Hook Me Up? I'm just asking, I've never heard it. "Could’ve benefited from a more polished production", correctly remarks headztrong, who feels "the chorus is too noisy, the rest is fine". Iheartpoptarts gravitates towards that perspective as well: "Solid verses, but the generic chorus doesn’t really sell this song." Opposite queen constantino completely diverges from both: "Another bop, another great chorus and yet more mediocre verses! I can forgive her because she’s got hooks for days, months and years." I'm leaning more towards your opinion, to be honest. There was also pure love for Tell Me Lies. "Yet another bonafide tune", gloats tylerc904 while WhenTheSunGoesDown just keeps praising Guilty Pleasure: "The amazing jams just keep coming! God I love this album." Now, if you have considered DJHazey's commentary to be massive thus far, prepare yourself for the remaining Guilty Pleasure tracks. And this one is no exception:

"This is why this album is so amazing, just back to back to back to back perfection! This is another example of a chorus that literally blows up your headphones when it starts. 'CUZ I DON'T, WANNA KNOW, IF I KISSED YOUR LIPS FOR THE LAST TIME!' is honestly some kind of high school diary entry, but I don't know, it never fails to snatch my wig with it's 'in your face' delivery. Ashley has a knack for 'seizing the moment' in her music and this one of the better examples. I rank it up there with Overrated on pure sing-a-long quality, because "do. this one. thing. for me. make. up some. stupid story tonight" is audio drugs to your average pop fan. I've been in a situation before where I just wanted someone to tell me lies and keep things a happy, but in the end when I realized there were actually lies being told all along, I was heartbroken. I can sympathize with the sentiment being shared in this song quite easily and where it will get you. (I was young and naive at the time, by the way) Also, I just wanted to add how the fade out is absolutely amazing to these ears even in all its simplicity."

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Catching up on the last few posts and I'm gutted to lose What If. I looooooove it. The picture of Ashley at the end of the Not Like That post almost makes up for it though. Almost.
I keep forgetting that Tell Me Lies exists so I don't mind that going.
(random glitch sounds from 2000s teen pop)






Don't Touch (The Zoom Song)

Average: 7.75
Highest: 10 x 7 (@Penguin, @Drawlight, @tylerc904, @DJHazey, @Alouder98, @Push, @Sally_Harper)
Lowest: 2 x 1 (@Totto)

Oh, my poor baby. While compiling the tracklist for this rate, I believed Don't Touch (The Zoom Song) would generate a very mixed response, causing it to be one of the first twenty or so to leave. The actual result? Far better than I expected; a #12 is definitely an excellent placement for this straight outta 2002 bop. Well done, lads and lasses. The highest peak this song reached on the leaderboard was number 7 when our twentieth voter Penguin delivered his ballot; it then dropped a few places due to middling scores but then me and Sally came to the rescue.

Why is this so irresistible? From the telephone/glitching/whatever blips in the beginning to the catchy as fuck chorus and the dated production, Don't Touch is an amazing artifact and obviously something that could only work in a teen pop album. It's all about Ashley inviting her love interest to know her better, using "zoom" as a metaphor for going emotionally deeper. Only 2000s pop. Now, have you ever heard of Tata Young? Probably not. You see, while recording Headstrong, the producers Ashley had a penchant for covering foreign local artists 90% of the world had never heard of. The original version (titled Zoom) belongs to that Thai-American singer, contained in her second English album dating to 2006. It was a single and everything: I remember being a kid and discovering the music video for this version and being mildly confused, but as with Goin' Crazy, the covers are superior. The most notable change in content from Young's original is the line "Gotta want me and not my bed" being changed to "Gotta know me to be my man". A minor kii. This era had all these sorts of changes to cater to younger audiences, which is cute.

"This is like the opposite of He Said She Said lyrically, and musically it’s a bit more laid back, but luckily for us it’s just as brilliant. My only complaint is that it ends too soon! The instrumental is a bit early 90s video game in places, but personally I think that’s a good thing. “Don’t you dare! Touch me there!” is funnier to me than it probably should be." Don't fret, Sally_Harper, it's equally funny for me, but the robotical zooms are even better. Mat.overboard hails Ashley as queen of parenthesis. Not really. "I can't stop laughing at (The Zoom Song) since 2007! This is like a jingle for the next Nokia Super Zoom X mobile phone!" I_CANNOT_USE_REAL_WORDS_PROPERLY_ I'm still cackling at this, but I can't excuse your 3. Ladies, get ha. "This is every bit weird and amazing as I expected it to be after reading the title for the first time" assesses constantino. "The chorus is surprisingly ~slick~ and the lyrics are incredibly fun. Queen of consent and boundaries!" I swear during the finale I will compile all the Queen titles we've given Ashley. This one might be the best I_CANNOT_USE_REAL_WORDS_PROPERLY_.

"One of my favourite moments in the album!" exclaims headztrong and tylerc904 backs you up completely: "This one dukes it out with Be Good To Me as the album's best moment. A perfect pop chorus." Yes! Preach it to the heavens and beyond! Lalaclairi makes a list of why Don't Touch excels: "Good production, catchy chorus, all around a good song." Meanwhile, WhenTheSunGoesDown brings up PJ history... from five months ago: "Remember when this flopped in the Popjustice Song Contest 41 and nobody but me mentioned the Ashley Tisdale cover? Good times. (Bad times, really)" It reached 26 out of 37 which is only a bit awful but since it was the Tata Young version I don't care. Anyway, iheartpoptarts knows what you're talking about. "Hello random song from several PJSCs ago!"

thinks "there's potential for a better song here, it feels very half-baked at present though". Slam her for keeping the original production intact. Let's see who wasn't too fussed about it either... you're up, Plethorya: "The verses are as one-note as Dr. Luke’s, but it doesn’t have the same punch as his production." DJHazey explores the roots of his Ashley standom: "Guilty Pleasure is the album that made me become a fan and I actually went back to this one after. This was the only song I instantly fell in love with. The chorus is such an earworm and the words are so cute -- 'Not That Kinda Girl' realness, you tell 'em queen! When I was younger, before I started loving Disney-pop, Ashley was the star that I found most attractive. (Before anybody asks, she's only two years younger than me) That said, the song speaks to me as I'd imagine wanting to get into Ashley's personal space. Everytime she says 'bebe don't ruuush' and 'boy prove you're in luuuv' with that sexy voice; I melt into a puddle." #StraightLadsOfPopjustice