Um, excuse me.
Excuse me.
I'm sorry, could you move? I have somewhere to be. Thank you.
I see there's not an empty seat in the Popjustice Forum tonight! Did you come for a show? I see you @Vasilios in the $800 seats. Are you wintering in the winter house already? I see you @mindtrappa already tweeting the setlist you bitch. I see that hand windmilling @Jacques but I'm sure you can handle the strain. I see you @Laura Vanderbooben and I better stay seeing you at least fifty feet away as per the restraining order from the RJFLVC LLC dissolution settlement.
Anyway, anyway. I can't stay down here with all of you. I have a stage to get to.
Can I get a camera on me?
...
Damn, I look good.
Ladies and gentleman, theys and thems! Half of y'all waited a loooong time for this one. Some of y'all have waited about forty years for this, as a matter of fact. Now, it's currently 2023 but let's take a step back, shall we? In fact, let's go alllllllllll the way back. The year is 1978, the place is New York City, the greatest city in the world! And little did they know that the biggest and brightest star was actually in their way, it's true. Picture it. She's nineteen years old and she just landed in LaGuardia Airport, Queens, with $35. Here's thirty-five bucks, use this to become a star! And not just some star, you need to become the undisputable Queen of Pop!
Well, ask yourself: when did you first fall in love with her? Did you start dressing like her when you first watched Lucky Star? Did you steal your grandmother's rosary and a black pair of lace gloves? Or maybe you were outraged when the Vatican tried to shut her down when she simulated masturbation on the Blond Ambition Tour? I know! Maybe you gagged when she kissed Britney Spears on live TV during the VMAs! I know some of you went crazy when she showed these bitches how to do a halftime Super Bowl show.
Now, she taught us a lot over the years, it's true. She taught us how to dance. She taught us how to express ourselves. She taught us how to party. And she taught us how to FUCK!
And tonight... I need you all to turn up because this is not just a show...
This is not just a concert...
This is not just a party...
IT'S A CELEBRATION RATE, BITCHES!
Welcome to The Celebration Rate, a rate where we will celebrate the last forty years of Madonna, the greatest popstar to ever exist.
Things are gonna operate a little differently to how rates usually go. I'll level with y'all: I was not about to embark on doing a full discography rate, and probably never will again. An incredibly unique set of circumstances in 2020 (which you are all aware of, I'm sure) gave me the time and space to absolutely pore over the best, and one of the biggest pop discographies of all time, and even with all that, it still took me six months to do it the way I wanted to do it. I do not have that kind of time and space any more. And besides... like the Queen herself, I'm not particularly fond on looking back on things I feel like I already did well. The discography rate is crowning glory of mine on this forum, and remains as a resource for everyone who wants revisit. I'm happy with that.
However... with Madonna embarking on her first ever greatest hits tour as she celebrates four decades in the business, I felt like something should be done... and so did many of you, apparently, so here we are.
Here's how things are going to work!
1. You give all of the below ALBUMS a score between 0-10, and one album can be awarded an 11/10.
That's right! We're only ratings albums this time around! A mere fifteen scores! Easier, or harder? I'm usually a stickler for only allowing half marks, but I'm going to allow quarter marks for the first ever time to give you all a larger scoring range to hopefully make some scoring a little easier.
2. Don't be a fucking moron, and don't troll.
I don't really think trolling happens much in discography rates since I'm presuming you wouldn't be in here if you weren't a fan anyway, but I'll put this here regardless. I would really think carefully about how you're using the more... extreme scores. I personally don't believe for a second that anything here is going to require a zero but I know I'll be surprised. Just... be ready to show your working.
3. Commentary is NOT permitted.
NO COMMENTARY WITH BALLOT SUBMISSIONS PLEASE. In my elimination write ups I'm going to be covering entire albums and eras; I don't have the headspace or time or patience to tackle presenting everyone's thoughts as well. I want everyone to be using the thread instead.
1. Madonna
2. Like A Virgin
3. True Blue
4. Like A Prayer
5. I'm Breathless
6. Erotica
7. Bedtime Stories
8. Ray Of Light
9. Music
10. American Life
11. Confessions On A Dance Floor
12. Hard Candy
13. MDNA
14. Rebel Heart
15. Madame X
...I think that's it. Fifteen scores. That's all I want. A reminder of everything that is on these albums is below.
Madonna (1983)
1. Lucky Star
2. Borderline
3. Burning Up
4. I Know It
5. Holiday
6. Think of Me
7. Physical Attraction
8. Everybody
Like A Virgin (1984)
1. Material Girl
2. Angel
3. Like A Virgin
4. Over And Over
5. Love Don't Live Here Anymore
6. Dress You Up
7. Shoo-Bee-Doo
8. Pretender
9. Stay
True Blue (1986)
1. Papa Don't Preach
2. Open Your Heart
3. White Heat
4. Live To Tell
5. Where's the Party
6. True Blue
7. La Isla Bonita
8. Jimmy Jimmy
9. Love Makes the World Go Round
Like A Prayer (1989)
1. Like A Prayer
2. Express Yourself
3. Love Song
4. Till Death Do Us Part
5. Promise To Try
6. Cherish
7. Dear Jessie
8. Oh Father
9. Keep It Together
10. Spanish Eyes
11. Act Of Contrition
I’m Breathless (1990)
1. He's A Man
2. Sooner Or Later
3. Hanky Panky
4. I'm Going Bananas
5. Cry Baby
6. Something To Remember
7. Back In Business
8. More
9. What Can You Lose
10. Now I'm Following You
11. Vogue
Erotica (1992)
1. Erotica
2. Fever
3. Bye Bye Baby
4. Deeper And Deeper
5. Where Life Begins
6. Bad Girl
7. Waiting
8. Thief Of Hearts
9. Words
10. Rain
11. Why's It So Hard
12. In This Life
13. Secret Garden
Bedtime Stories (1994)
1. Survival
2. Secret
3. I'd Rather Be Your Lover
4. Don't Stop
5. Inside Of Me
6. Human Nature
7. Forbidden Love
8. Love Tried To Welcome Me
9. Sanctuary
10. Bedtime Story
11. Take A Bow
Ray Of Light (1998)
1. Drowned World/Substitute For Love
2. Swim
3. Ray Of Light
4. Candy Perfume Girl
5. Skin
6. Nothing Really Matters
7. Sky Fits Heaven
8. Shanti/Ashtangi
9. Frozen
10. The Power Of Goodbye
11. To Have And Not To Hold
12. Little Star
13. Mer Girl
14. Has To Be
Music (2000)
1. Music
2. Impressive Instant
3. Runaway Lover
4. I Deserve It
5. Amazing
6. Nobody's Perfect
7. Don't Tell Me
8. What It Feels Like For A Girl
9. Paradise (Not For Me)
10. Gone
11. American Pie
12. Cyber-Raga
American Life (2003)
1. American Life
2. Hollywood
3. I'm So Stupid
4. Love Profusion
5. Nobody Knows Me
6. Nothing Fails
7. Intervention
8. X-Static Process
9. Mother And Father
10. Die Another Day
11. Easy Ride
Confessions On A Dance Floor (2005)
1. Hung Up
2. Get Together
3. Sorry
4. Future Lovers
5. I Love New York
6. Let It Will Be
7. Forbidden Love
8. Jump
9. How High
10. Isaac
11. Push
12. Like It Or Not
13. Fighting Spirit
14. Super Pop
Hard Candy (2008)
1. Candy Shop
2. 4 Minutes (Feat. Justin Timberlake & Timbaland)
3. Give It 2 Me
4. Heartbeat
5. Miles Away
6. She's Not Me
7. Incredible
8. Beat Goes On (Feat. Kanye West)
9. Dance 2Night
10. Spanish Lesson
11. Devil Wouldn't Recognize You
12. Voices
13. Ring My Bell
MDNA (2012)
1. Girl Gone Wild
2. Gang Bang
3. I'm Addicted
4. Turn Up The Radio
5. Give Me All Your Luvin' (Feat. Nicki Minaj & M.I.A.)
6. Some Girls
7. Superstar
8. I Don't Give A (Feat. Nick Minaj)
9. I'm A Sinner
10. Love Spent
11. Masterpiece
12. Falling Free
13. Beautiful Killer
14. I Fucked Up
15. B-Day Song (Feat. M.I.A.)
16. Best Friend
Rebel Heart (2015)
1. Living For Love
2. Devil Pray
3. Ghosttown
4. Unapologetic Bitch
5. Illuminati
6. Bitch I'm Madonna (Feat. Nicki Minaj)
7. Hold Tight
8. Joan Of Arc
9. Iconic (Feat. Chance The Rapper & Mike Tyson)
10. HeartBreakCity
11. Body Shop
12. Holy Water
13. Inside Out
14. Wash All Over Me
15. Best Night
16. Veni Vidi Vici (Feat. Nas)
17. S.E.X.
18. Messiah
19. Rebel Heart
20. Beautiful Scars
21. Borrowed Time
22. Addicted
23. Graffiti Heart
24. Autotune Baby
Madame X (2019)
1. Medellín (Feat. Maluma)
2. Dark Ballet
3. God Control
4. Future (Feat. Quavo)
5. Batuka
6. Killers Who Are Partying
7. Crave (Feat. Swae Lee)
8. Crazy
9. Come Alive
10. Extreme Occident
11. Faz Gostoso (Feat. Anitta)
12. Bitch I'm Loca (Feat. Maluma)
13. I Don't Search I Find
14. Looking For Mercy
15. I Rise
16. Funana
17. Back that Up To The Beat
18. Ciao Bella
BALLOTS DUE JANUARY 7TH. NO EXTENSIONS. SEE YOU THERE.
Leaderboard:
1. Ray Of Light
2. Erotica
3. American Life
4. Like A Prayer
5. Confessions On A Dance Floor
6. Music
7. True Blue
8. Bedtime Stories
9. Madonna
10. Madame X
11. Rebel Heart
12. Like A Virgin
13. Hard Candy
14. MDNA
15. I'm Breathless
Excuse me.
I'm sorry, could you move? I have somewhere to be. Thank you.
I see there's not an empty seat in the Popjustice Forum tonight! Did you come for a show? I see you @Vasilios in the $800 seats. Are you wintering in the winter house already? I see you @mindtrappa already tweeting the setlist you bitch. I see that hand windmilling @Jacques but I'm sure you can handle the strain. I see you @Laura Vanderbooben and I better stay seeing you at least fifty feet away as per the restraining order from the RJFLVC LLC dissolution settlement.
Anyway, anyway. I can't stay down here with all of you. I have a stage to get to.
Can I get a camera on me?
...
Damn, I look good.
Ladies and gentleman, theys and thems! Half of y'all waited a loooong time for this one. Some of y'all have waited about forty years for this, as a matter of fact. Now, it's currently 2023 but let's take a step back, shall we? In fact, let's go alllllllllll the way back. The year is 1978, the place is New York City, the greatest city in the world! And little did they know that the biggest and brightest star was actually in their way, it's true. Picture it. She's nineteen years old and she just landed in LaGuardia Airport, Queens, with $35. Here's thirty-five bucks, use this to become a star! And not just some star, you need to become the undisputable Queen of Pop!
Well, ask yourself: when did you first fall in love with her? Did you start dressing like her when you first watched Lucky Star? Did you steal your grandmother's rosary and a black pair of lace gloves? Or maybe you were outraged when the Vatican tried to shut her down when she simulated masturbation on the Blond Ambition Tour? I know! Maybe you gagged when she kissed Britney Spears on live TV during the VMAs! I know some of you went crazy when she showed these bitches how to do a halftime Super Bowl show.
Now, she taught us a lot over the years, it's true. She taught us how to dance. She taught us how to express ourselves. She taught us how to party. And she taught us how to FUCK!
And tonight... I need you all to turn up because this is not just a show...
This is not just a concert...
This is not just a party...
IT'S A CELEBRATION RATE, BITCHES!
Welcome to The Celebration Rate, a rate where we will celebrate the last forty years of Madonna, the greatest popstar to ever exist.
Things are gonna operate a little differently to how rates usually go. I'll level with y'all: I was not about to embark on doing a full discography rate, and probably never will again. An incredibly unique set of circumstances in 2020 (which you are all aware of, I'm sure) gave me the time and space to absolutely pore over the best, and one of the biggest pop discographies of all time, and even with all that, it still took me six months to do it the way I wanted to do it. I do not have that kind of time and space any more. And besides... like the Queen herself, I'm not particularly fond on looking back on things I feel like I already did well. The discography rate is crowning glory of mine on this forum, and remains as a resource for everyone who wants revisit. I'm happy with that.
However... with Madonna embarking on her first ever greatest hits tour as she celebrates four decades in the business, I felt like something should be done... and so did many of you, apparently, so here we are.
Here's how things are going to work!
1. You give all of the below ALBUMS a score between 0-10, and one album can be awarded an 11/10.
That's right! We're only ratings albums this time around! A mere fifteen scores! Easier, or harder? I'm usually a stickler for only allowing half marks, but I'm going to allow quarter marks for the first ever time to give you all a larger scoring range to hopefully make some scoring a little easier.
2. Don't be a fucking moron, and don't troll.
I don't really think trolling happens much in discography rates since I'm presuming you wouldn't be in here if you weren't a fan anyway, but I'll put this here regardless. I would really think carefully about how you're using the more... extreme scores. I personally don't believe for a second that anything here is going to require a zero but I know I'll be surprised. Just... be ready to show your working.
3. Commentary is NOT permitted.
NO COMMENTARY WITH BALLOT SUBMISSIONS PLEASE. In my elimination write ups I'm going to be covering entire albums and eras; I don't have the headspace or time or patience to tackle presenting everyone's thoughts as well. I want everyone to be using the thread instead.
1. Madonna
2. Like A Virgin
3. True Blue
4. Like A Prayer
5. I'm Breathless
6. Erotica
7. Bedtime Stories
8. Ray Of Light
9. Music
10. American Life
11. Confessions On A Dance Floor
12. Hard Candy
13. MDNA
14. Rebel Heart
15. Madame X
...I think that's it. Fifteen scores. That's all I want. A reminder of everything that is on these albums is below.
Madonna (1983)
1. Lucky Star
2. Borderline
3. Burning Up
4. I Know It
5. Holiday
6. Think of Me
7. Physical Attraction
8. Everybody
Like A Virgin (1984)
1. Material Girl
2. Angel
3. Like A Virgin
4. Over And Over
5. Love Don't Live Here Anymore
6. Dress You Up
7. Shoo-Bee-Doo
8. Pretender
9. Stay
True Blue (1986)
1. Papa Don't Preach
2. Open Your Heart
3. White Heat
4. Live To Tell
5. Where's the Party
6. True Blue
7. La Isla Bonita
8. Jimmy Jimmy
9. Love Makes the World Go Round
Like A Prayer (1989)
1. Like A Prayer
2. Express Yourself
3. Love Song
4. Till Death Do Us Part
5. Promise To Try
6. Cherish
7. Dear Jessie
8. Oh Father
9. Keep It Together
10. Spanish Eyes
11. Act Of Contrition
I’m Breathless (1990)
1. He's A Man
2. Sooner Or Later
3. Hanky Panky
4. I'm Going Bananas
5. Cry Baby
6. Something To Remember
7. Back In Business
8. More
9. What Can You Lose
10. Now I'm Following You
11. Vogue
Erotica (1992)
1. Erotica
2. Fever
3. Bye Bye Baby
4. Deeper And Deeper
5. Where Life Begins
6. Bad Girl
7. Waiting
8. Thief Of Hearts
9. Words
10. Rain
11. Why's It So Hard
12. In This Life
13. Secret Garden
Bedtime Stories (1994)
1. Survival
2. Secret
3. I'd Rather Be Your Lover
4. Don't Stop
5. Inside Of Me
6. Human Nature
7. Forbidden Love
8. Love Tried To Welcome Me
9. Sanctuary
10. Bedtime Story
11. Take A Bow
Ray Of Light (1998)
1. Drowned World/Substitute For Love
2. Swim
3. Ray Of Light
4. Candy Perfume Girl
5. Skin
6. Nothing Really Matters
7. Sky Fits Heaven
8. Shanti/Ashtangi
9. Frozen
10. The Power Of Goodbye
11. To Have And Not To Hold
12. Little Star
13. Mer Girl
14. Has To Be
Music (2000)
1. Music
2. Impressive Instant
3. Runaway Lover
4. I Deserve It
5. Amazing
6. Nobody's Perfect
7. Don't Tell Me
8. What It Feels Like For A Girl
9. Paradise (Not For Me)
10. Gone
11. American Pie
12. Cyber-Raga
American Life (2003)
1. American Life
2. Hollywood
3. I'm So Stupid
4. Love Profusion
5. Nobody Knows Me
6. Nothing Fails
7. Intervention
8. X-Static Process
9. Mother And Father
10. Die Another Day
11. Easy Ride
Confessions On A Dance Floor (2005)
1. Hung Up
2. Get Together
3. Sorry
4. Future Lovers
5. I Love New York
6. Let It Will Be
7. Forbidden Love
8. Jump
9. How High
10. Isaac
11. Push
12. Like It Or Not
13. Fighting Spirit
14. Super Pop
Hard Candy (2008)
1. Candy Shop
2. 4 Minutes (Feat. Justin Timberlake & Timbaland)
3. Give It 2 Me
4. Heartbeat
5. Miles Away
6. She's Not Me
7. Incredible
8. Beat Goes On (Feat. Kanye West)
9. Dance 2Night
10. Spanish Lesson
11. Devil Wouldn't Recognize You
12. Voices
13. Ring My Bell
MDNA (2012)
1. Girl Gone Wild
2. Gang Bang
3. I'm Addicted
4. Turn Up The Radio
5. Give Me All Your Luvin' (Feat. Nicki Minaj & M.I.A.)
6. Some Girls
7. Superstar
8. I Don't Give A (Feat. Nick Minaj)
9. I'm A Sinner
10. Love Spent
11. Masterpiece
12. Falling Free
13. Beautiful Killer
14. I Fucked Up
15. B-Day Song (Feat. M.I.A.)
16. Best Friend
Rebel Heart (2015)
1. Living For Love
2. Devil Pray
3. Ghosttown
4. Unapologetic Bitch
5. Illuminati
6. Bitch I'm Madonna (Feat. Nicki Minaj)
7. Hold Tight
8. Joan Of Arc
9. Iconic (Feat. Chance The Rapper & Mike Tyson)
10. HeartBreakCity
11. Body Shop
12. Holy Water
13. Inside Out
14. Wash All Over Me
15. Best Night
16. Veni Vidi Vici (Feat. Nas)
17. S.E.X.
18. Messiah
19. Rebel Heart
20. Beautiful Scars
21. Borrowed Time
22. Addicted
23. Graffiti Heart
24. Autotune Baby
Madame X (2019)
1. Medellín (Feat. Maluma)
2. Dark Ballet
3. God Control
4. Future (Feat. Quavo)
5. Batuka
6. Killers Who Are Partying
7. Crave (Feat. Swae Lee)
8. Crazy
9. Come Alive
10. Extreme Occident
11. Faz Gostoso (Feat. Anitta)
12. Bitch I'm Loca (Feat. Maluma)
13. I Don't Search I Find
14. Looking For Mercy
15. I Rise
16. Funana
17. Back that Up To The Beat
18. Ciao Bella
BALLOTS DUE JANUARY 7TH. NO EXTENSIONS. SEE YOU THERE.
Leaderboard:
1. Ray Of Light
2. Erotica
3. American Life
4. Like A Prayer
5. Confessions On A Dance Floor
6. Music
7. True Blue
8. Bedtime Stories
9. Madonna
10. Madame X
11. Rebel Heart
12. Like A Virgin
13. Hard Candy
14. MDNA
15. I'm Breathless
Last edited by a moderator:
