The Disney Classics Rate (The End.)

I loved the card system DDDD:

 

I feel as though with all Peter Pans I merge the films together in my mind. I can't detach the Disney film from Hook for example, which I adore. Something about Peter Pan in general I really like.

 

My 11 came on shuffle earlier, so glad it's still in. Keeping fingers crossed for at least a top 5 placing.

 

Be careful with these kinds of predictions, as they usually turn up false!

 

WELP I got back from a nice long weekend home celebrating my mum's birthday to find my post explaining that I was going home for a long weekend to celebrate my mum's birthday still saved as a draft. Katy's impact.

WE RESUME TONIGHT.

 

Oh no. That had better not be a hint.

 

I hope it's misdirection and instead Hercules is getting the axe.

 

Or something else from Lion King.

 

Noooooo.

 

...

Real live footage of @DJHazey reading me like a book:

















The Gospel Truth

7.95

Highest Score: 10 x9 (@constantino, @Mikl C, @eccentricsimply, @Robsolete, @Sprockrooster, @Alouder98, @ephemeralartery, @kalonite, @Animalia)
Lowest Score: 4 x1 (@funkyg), 4.5 x1 (@Epic Chocolat)
My Score: 10


THE LITTLE BOPS THAT COULD.


I wasn’t even planning on including this legendary trilogy in the rate at all at first ‘cause it’s technically three mini-songs and I was supposed to be limiting the list by track length to cut out pointless nonsense, but oh honey there is NOTHING pointless or nonsensical about The Gospel Truth. Then even when I did decide they were too good to skip, I fully expected them to exit fairly early on to a chorus of “bop but it’s not really a proper song is it”s, so seeing Calliope & Co. cling on to the Top 20 for dear life right up until the dying moments (coupled with the gif looping so nicely yas) really validated its place here and was truly a heart-warming, life-affirming moment for me. They did that. You did that. Thank you.

So, let’s start by establishing our own undeniable set of Gospel Truths.

1. Hercules is incredible.
2. The muses are incredible.
3. @DJHazey has only been heinously implying otherwise to satisfy his weird, innate desire for rate-infamy.

Like, even on a base concept level, the muses are fucking genius. Historical accuracy, but make it fashion. Using the muses as characters to tell an ancient Greek myth was a fantastic idea to start with, but then to flip the script and turn the ladies into the most talented, charismatic, polished girl group the forum – nay, the world – has ever seen?





When will Little Mix? What’s a Girls Aloud? The fucking Spice Girls? I think nawt. I have actual nightmares about the alternate reality hellscape in which they took this job when offered it, effectively killing Hercules at the word go and bankrupting the studio within months. You just know it would’ve been shit – they literally don’t have the range to deliver the ~drama~ that these muses ooze (welp that rhymed unexpectedly) so effortlessly. Whether it be the upbeat smoothness of the opening number, the deep, dark intrigue of Hades’ introduction or the mournful haunting of the final part, the muses set the tone throughout the film perfectly and do a lot of the heavy lifting when it comes to plot exposition, allowing the rest of the film to focus on it’s non-stop lightning-round punnage and general amazingness. Basically they’re an essential, iconic part of Disney’s herstory and anyone who disagrees needs to locate some taste ASAP





Tell ‘em GimmeWork! “YASSS queens! Preach!” Sprockrooster offers up a similar rallying cry: “Preach!! To the choir baby.”, while LKane thinks the ladies’ talents were better showcased elsewhere: “Good as an opening track. I like it… not as much as the closing one… so that’s why I’m not rating this one higher.” Poor A Star Is Born, gone but never forgotten xo Raichu imaginatively dubs this “The Gospel Bop”, before admitting that it’s “Probably the weakest of the three tho.” I hope you just weren’t classing I Won’t Say (I’m In Love) as one of the muse’s songs and you didn’t just forget one song entirely, eek. Here’s something I’d rather forget though – DJHazey’s opinion: “I'm ready for my 'rate villain' appearance, because I find these girls are quite irritating to listen to. This is a rare moment where it's at least bearable.” Trust me y’all, it gets worse.

“I love these girls so much,” Reboot gushes, “Their songs are the best parts of the movie.” Poor iheartpoptarts was thrown off by the fabulousness on display though: “As a kid I was so confused as to why this movie had a random girlband in it.” I think a better question is why don’t more films have random girl groups singing the plot? Someone get Tarantino on the phone, quick! Read out alanmr’s commentary as our pitch: “Exposition seldom sounds so good, and The Gospel Truth manages to tell you all you need to know from Hercules’ backstory in a crazy fun manner, via the Muses’ amazing vocals and some inspired visual storytelling. Maui’s tattoos can only watch and weep.” Speaking of queens with fabulous hair, MollieSwift21’s name is MollieSwift21 and he has something to say: “Melpomene is the best muse and that's the gospel truth.” You ain’t wrong! Those luxurious locks, yas mama. eccentricsimply, yet again, just gets everything so correct: “SUCH an 11 contender. This entire movie is sensational, one of the best things Disney's ever put their name on, and the choice of having the muses narrating it was so incredible.” To play us out, here’s another instalment of constantino’s Ramblings of a Hunty: “Queens of soul and storytelling, other Disney narrators WISH. It’s got a progressive melody, some serious ad-libbage AND hooks, what more can I ask for?”


NOTHING

'CAUSE

THEY

ARE

GIVING

YOU

E-VE-RY-THING.



​

 

@DJHazey isn't even the lowest scorer after all that complaining?

 

I don't know why a Disney movie about Greek mythology has five sassy black muses narrating the story by singing gospel. But it doesn't matter cause they certainly deliver the goods vocally and the tunes are bags of fun.

 

1) I should have given this much lower than a 7.

2) This somewhat-out-of-sync "choir" is so much better:

 

Why is this twelve second gif better than The Aristocats in its entirety though?

 

The Aristocats was animated by dogs dog lovers?

 

I probably shouldn't be pressed considering it made top 20, but I'm still a bit pressed, not gonna lie.

 

Why, whatever do you mean?

 

Meanwhile I'm going to be pressed if the two remaining Hercules songs (and that god-awful song from Lion King I should've zeroed) make it much farther.

 

I want Spice Muses like I want Will Smith the Genie. Like I said, 90s iconic.

 

I agree with @DJHazey and @Mina I'd be happy if we said goodbye to more from Herc and The Kitty King before we go after the others.