The Disney Classics Rate (The End.) | Page 147 | The Popjustice Forum

The Disney Classics Rate (The End.)

Discussion in 'Charts, rates etc' started by Animalia, Apr 10, 2017.

  1. Probably not because you just know Lion King got rated higher.
  2. Why are you attacking me???
    stuaw, GimmeWork, Animalia and 2 others like this.
  3. HELLO. I am so sorry for going AWOL like that again, the past few weeks have been... a lot. We're off to see Justice League now, so if I don't die of boredom during that I'm halfway through the next elimination and it'll 100% be up tonight! xx
  4. If my 11 goes right after the heresy I've just been submitted to in the PJ Favorites rate...
  5. Take your time.

    Just less of the "if Mordin doesn't win, I'll quit the forum for real this time." -- Everytime you're not around the forum in general, I get afraid you're going to quit the forum.
    Animalia, Holly Something and alanmr like this.
  6. So... this is awkward.

    How Far I’ll Go / I Am Moana


    Highest Score: 11 x1 (@alanmr), 10 x13 (@eccentricsimply, @HollyDunnSomething, @Lost Boy, @DJHazey, @Mvnl, @aniraz, @Conan, @Sideout, @Serg., @send photo @MamaHazey, @kalonite, @Animalia)
    Lowest Score: 4 x1 (@Sprockrooster), 5 x1 (@Epic Chocolat)
    My Score: 10



    I’m sorry, but listen to I Am Moana again and tell me it doesn’t sound like she dips into a deep Glaswegian accent for a wee spot of vulgarity. The official lyrics claim that it’s actually “It’s like the tide, always falling and rising” but honestly, it’s just not realistic. Regardless,


    How Far I’ll Go is officially Popjustice’s favourite noughties Disney song – in fact, our favourite of all non-Renaissance songs – but it deserved more than that, dammit. In a rate so fiercely dominated by nostalgia, our new-age Polynesian princess sailed the rough seas of bad taste and almost made it to her rightful destination before being crushed by the infamous contrarian tidal wave that is @Sprockrooster. Moana’s no stranger to such injustice though; remember when that dull-as-dishwater, tuneless piece of white trash that is City of Stars won the Oscar for Best Original Song over How Far I’ll Go? Lin-Manuel was robbed of that EGOT. ROBBED I SAY. The good sis literally moved back into his childhood home and locked himself in his old bedroom to reconnect with his inner angsty teenager in order to write an effective, convincing “I Want” song for Moana… and the award went to Ryan Gosling for mumbling along to a basic-ass piano line? The epitome of white mediocrity – not that we should expect anything less from the Academy.

    ANYWAY, there ain’t nothing mediocre about this song, friends. How Far I’ll Go isn’t just another Belle/Part of Your World I-hate-it-here-and-want-something-more-from-life clone; it’s a far more relatable I-actually-have-a-pretty-comfy-life-here-but-there’s-an-inexplicable-force-inside-me-that-compels-me-to-sail-into-uncharted-seas-on-a-tiny-raft-despite-very-real-risk-of-death kinda deal – y’know, that old chestnut. Nah but really, it’s a definite (and more than welcome) step up in terms of the complexity of Disney princess ~struggles~, and that extra depth makes for a pretty damn compelling song. NOT TO MENTION THE FACT THAT IT POPS THE FUCK OFF. How Far I’ll Go itself is one of the most uplifting Disney songs going, and then it somehow only grows in intensity and general amazingness as it moves to its reprise and then to the show-stopping, film-defining climax of I Am Moana. Like phew that entire scene is a moment. Speaking of which, remember when 16-year-old Auli’i Cravalho nailed one of her first ever live performances, at the Oscars, even after being hit by one of the stage props? Wig. Most of our faves could never.

    Open the floor, Mushroom! “This is like a good Lea Michelle song and that chorus fucking slays.” A good Lea Michelle song? wherearethey.gif DJHazey whips out ha gold-plated stan card for a teen bops: “From ‘every turn I take...’ I mean who in their right mind is denying that? Instant 10 if I've ever heard one.” Who’s denying it, you ask? Well, like a tale as old as time, it’s Sprockrooster: “Isn’t this offkey?!” I don’t really know what to tell you sis other than just… no? Epic Chocolat explains his low score by describing it as “Kind of a generic Disney big song.”, as if that’s… a bad thing? You’re in the wrong place to be using that as a negative! Raichu gets it: “Generic, but a powerful melody can make up for that and this song definitely has a powerful melody. The I Am Moana bit really soars.”, and eccentricsimply sure thinks Moana can stand alongside the giants: “How Far I'll Go hits me almost as much as Circle of Life and watching Auli'i singing this at the Oscars was truly a fantastic experience. Then I Am Moana is even more touching.” Let’s make it a hat-trick of people celebrating the greatest scene in the movie, shall we? Paging MollieSwift21! “I Am Moana is the best moment in the movie. The animation of all ships was beautiful.” Preach. Meanwhile, Mina comes up with a strangely effective descriptor for the song: “Reflection and Belle had a lovechild whilst vacationing on a posh island resort.” I feel like there’s almost definitely fanfic of that exact scenario on tumblr somewhere.

    Queen of good taste HollyDunnSomething chucks the song full points for unexpected greatness: “This whole film was a lovely surprise at how good it is, and this song is up there with the best (hence my score of 10)”, and send photo was pleasantly surprised in a more shady way: “Not the new movies coming through with a solid anthem. Consider me shook.” Rude. But understandable. Here’s LKane to knock 00s Disney down another peg: “Great effort! I’m glad I haven’t listened to this song as much as Let It Go. The singer has a really good interpretation.” Poor Idina just can’t catch a break. You’re up, constantino! “I haven’t seen Moana but this is a great advert for it, Auli’i has a stunning voice.” Wait, please tell me you’ve fixed this since submitting this commentary five hundred years ago? Your life will feel so much richer for having seen it. Don’t just take my word for it – ask ephemeralartery: “Love this. The best Disney song in more than a decade. Moana was so, so good.” iheartpoptarts, too, leaves a glowing review of the film, praising its progressive feminist ideals and breath-taking artistry: “Awwww, the pet pig is too cute.” Close enough!

    Of course, the final word has to go to the wonderful alanmr, who provides a loving eulogy for his 11 – take it away, sis: “I came close to giving my 11 to Let It Go, because I feel most of you is gonna do it so wrong, but then I accidentally left How Far I’ll Go to rate dead last and it blew me away all over again. First: this is the only Disney musical track I have ever actually downloaded to have on rotation, it’s still on my general playlists and each time it comes on shuffle I have a new moment singing along. Second: this track is the beating heart of the movie, and the three times it comes up underline how Moana is such an amazing leading character by highlighting her bravery and curiosity and sense of wonder. Third: I dare you to watch them in succession without feeling goosebumps in several moments, but most especially when Moana’s grandmother, in the form of a stingray, surges below her on the Reprise, freeing her from the burdens she had in the past and giving her the green light to go pursue her dreams, it’s an amazingly effective moment and it’s beyond me how the fuck they managed to top it off with I Am Moana, which is even more arresting somehow? Here, Moana, take my 11.”

    I leave you all with… this.

    You're welcome.

  7. I got to this part and now I forget what I was going to post.
    stuaw, constantino, aniraz and 5 others like this.
  8. I regret not giving this a 10.

    Sorry @alanmr!
    stuaw, GimmeWork, alanmr and 2 others like this.
  9. Nooooooooooooooooooooooo.

    Also, why did I click play to that video?

    @Mushroom called it with the Lea Michele comparison. Yes, so right. That's my kind of power ballad queen right there. Give me the Delta Goodrem/Lea Michele aesthetic any day of the week and twice on Sunday.

    Also I wanted to download it and have it in my rotation like @alanmr was saying but one day I searched for it on a free-mp3 site and well there were so many incorrect results, I was having flashbacks to my WinMX days. So my Media Monkey is still Moana-less.

    Also, seeing the movie after I submitted this ballot made it grow even more than a 10. I mean, it's not my 11 because that won't change but it's not your everyday 10/10 anymore.
    stuaw, Animalia, alanmr and 1 other person like this.
  10. Well, 12 is a pretty respectable position, I expected it to go much earlier than this, with my track record. Thanks for the lovely write-up, sis.
    I'm scared of pressing play.
    stuaw, GimmeWork, Animalia and 3 others like this.
  11. That moment you get the


    and you wonder where you'll set the fire if it's your 11 that has gone...

    Honestly I fully stand by my 10, it's such a great song/film and if anything I only enjoy I Am Moana more now than I did when I submitted my scores.

    Fun fact, when I sing along to it I sing "It's like the tide, always fucking rising".
    stuaw, GimmeWork, Animalia and 2 others like this.
  12. 'The Dick is Calling'
    The sea of cum
    The instrumental still being as moving as ever.

    Last edited: Nov 23, 2017
  13. Well "generic" is not that bad since I gave it a 5, so it's more like neutral. Generic can sometimes be good if that the kind I love, but not here.
    And I'm always in the wrong place. Story of my life.
    Animalia likes this.
  14. MollieSwift21

    MollieSwift21 Staff Member

    How Far I'll Go was a little bit over rated here. Wouldn't have it in the top 20.
    Dangerous Maknae likes this.
  15. fffdgekgwde I've watched that video way too many times over the last few weeks and never even noticed the white water oh my GOD. It's the A being removed to make the title MOAN that gets me most.

    In other news, some guy called Jaime Ciero (yeah me neither) is suing Disney for stealing the melody of Let It Go from his song. I mean, I can hear the similarity, but sis... it's not worth the fight. MTV continue to be the absolute worst though:



    stuaw, send photo, Serg. and 8 others like this.
  16. Rescuing this thread from the throes of page 3 (!!).

    Are we getting another elimination soon, @Animalia? It's been 10 days...
  17. Can "Beauty and the Beast" (the song) leave immediately? I've had it with Angela Lansbury this week.
    Mina likes this.
  18. [​IMG]
    GimmeWork and Mina like this.
  19. I'm so sorry again you guys, and sorry I missed your notification too @Mina. Life is... a lot these days.

    But let's do this.

    = 12th


    Lilo & Stitch (2002)

    5 Points: @Lost Boy
    4 Points: @constantino
    3 Points: @alanmr
    1 Point: @ephemeralartery

    Ohana means family

    and family means no one gets left behind

    or forgotten.


    I think what makes Disney so special is their unique ability to merge the juvenile with the adult so seamlessly. No – not the tumblr fan art kind of adult that has left me scarred several times throughout this rate – it’s just, there’s a reason people like us are still out here celebrating films we watched when we were kids well into our twenties and beyond. Disney films capture our hearts and imaginations as kids, but as we grow up and rewatch them, there are always little hidden pockets of deeper, more mature writing and imagery that mean they never really lose much relevance to the viewer. Hell, I’d argue that most of ‘em make more sense to an adult, and Lilo & Stitch is a prime example of this. Sure it’s got a cute talking animal(-esque thing) and some funny aliens for the kiddos, but at its heart it’s a startlingly mature story about a family torn apart by tragedy, struggling to survive; about a young girl so emotionally damaged that she struggles to fit into society anD SHE JUST WANTS FRIENDS GODDAMMIT STOP BULLYING HER YOU HEARTLESS LITTLE SHITS. Ahem. If Lilo & Stitch doesn’t rip your heart out and play its strings like some gross, pulsating violin, well, I hope you’re prepared for winter ‘cause you’re already cold as fuck sis. Like, how can you not love a film in which the six-year-old protagonist goes full on “Welcome to Bangkok” on her dance class nemesis in the first fifteen minutes?


    And of course when that isn’t enough, the next logical step is voodoo waterboarding:


    Didn’t they tell you that Lilo’s a savage?

    But, this is Popjustice. We appreciate quality; we admire maturity; we respect risk-taking; but at the end of the day, one thing will always take precedence - unrelenting, unapologetic, undeniable gayness. So let’s take a second to celebrate the real MVP of Lilo & Stitch. The one, the only, the drag legend haself – FIWP.









    (Y’all better appreciate this, it took hours finding a screencap from the animated tv series then 'shopping Robbie Turner’s stupid face out of the confessional. itswhatshedeserves.gif)


    My one childhood love story with Disney, it still holds up as a charming, heartwarming tale of acceptance and friendship, and I still have a space in my heart reserved for it.
  20. It's a great film, and Pleakley is so underrated, it's just not in my top favourites unfortunately.
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