You know I can't resist an Yzma gif.
But not quite.
Fixer Upper
5.39
Highest Score: 10 x1 (@MamaHazey), 9 x1 (@constantino)
Lowest Score: 0 x2 (@Mina, @send photo)
My Score: 3.5
I hate wasps. I hate mushrooms. I hate people who take up a whole table on the train with their shopping bags. I hate Alexis Michelle. But I do not hate any of things even nearly as much as I hate. these. fucking. trolls. They completely and utterly halt the momentum of Frozen, destroying all the good will it builds up with its relatively mature storytelling and complex characterisation, and for what? Three minutes of crass, childish humour and faux-gospel-meets-Broadway nonsense? No ma’am. This is a song that was deliberately designed to be funny. That’s a fact. It’s also a fact that the one and only part of it that’s even remotely funny is the split second of silence before the switch from “he’s a bit of fixer-upper” to “she’s a bit of a fixer-upper”, and even then that’s probably just the relief of not having to listen to those fucking boulders caterwauling for a brief moment. Every other line is either an embarrassingly immature joke about bestiality (???), literal toilet humour, or a chorus of irritating children wailing the word LOVE in a hundred different ways at once. Remind me again why I didn’t give this a zero?
Honestly I think I’m just especially salty ‘cause Frozen’s soundtrack was written by Kristen-Anderson Lopez and Robert Lopez, the latter of which wrote Avenue Q which is infamously hilarious and which has a musical style remarkably similar in parts to that of Fixer Upper. It just feels like in the dilution of said humour to fit a kids’ movie, it lost all of its intelligence and creativity, essentially becoming a parody of itself, but not one self-aware enough to go full-circle into becoming funny again. I’m not angry, I’m just disappointed.
I mean, when even noted Frozen evangelist alanmr is distancing himself from a track, you know it’s bad news: *mumbling* *grunting* *unintelligible gibberish* LITTLE BIT OF LOVE! Yeah, no.” Literally what you just wrote would have made for a better song. Sprockrooster brings up a good point by noting that he’s “Bored. Very bored right now.” – how does such a high-energy, high-camp moment of Broadway extravagance manage to be so terminally dull? It’s really quite an achievement. LKane gets it: “No, no no… Can’t stand it. It is the song that I’ve listened the least from ‘Frozen’ but it is so annoying in general.”, and Raichu agrees that it’s far, far beyond saving: “This song is not compelling enough to be a fixer upper.” I should probably throw in something vaguely positive, so here’s MollieSwift21 picking up on the one good part of this mess: “Ha not the rocks being so quick to not care she was engaged.”
DJHazey plays the dangerous game of dragging his mother’s faves, but honestly that’s a risk worth taking here: “Uhhhh *uncomfortably backs away slowly* I don’t know if this is a favourite for anyone, but it’s dismal at best.” You’re safe here, sis. Mina simply asks the question that’s on everyone’s mind – “WTF?”, iheartpoptarts clearly feels bad for Kristoff who had to witness this cacophony in person: “This poor guy…”, and kalonite isn’t letting it off lightly either: “I was totally in love with Frozen that first time I saw it in the cinema, before it became… well, Frozen. It was all going so well. Then… this. I genuinely don’t know what they were thinking. It’s spectacularly bad, but then it feels even worse because the rest is so good.” GET HER. constantino… well, I’ll be sending round a collection bucket to raise funds for his rehabilitation. Please give generously: “DDD the library is open and Bulda came to READ. An underrated song from an underrated scene.” … Let’s circle back to Mina to close us out appropriately from there.
WHAT THE FUCK
But not quite.
Fixer Upper
5.39
Highest Score: 10 x1 (@MamaHazey), 9 x1 (@constantino)
Lowest Score: 0 x2 (@Mina, @send photo)
My Score: 3.5
I hate wasps. I hate mushrooms. I hate people who take up a whole table on the train with their shopping bags. I hate Alexis Michelle. But I do not hate any of things even nearly as much as I hate. these. fucking. trolls. They completely and utterly halt the momentum of Frozen, destroying all the good will it builds up with its relatively mature storytelling and complex characterisation, and for what? Three minutes of crass, childish humour and faux-gospel-meets-Broadway nonsense? No ma’am. This is a song that was deliberately designed to be funny. That’s a fact. It’s also a fact that the one and only part of it that’s even remotely funny is the split second of silence before the switch from “he’s a bit of fixer-upper” to “she’s a bit of a fixer-upper”, and even then that’s probably just the relief of not having to listen to those fucking boulders caterwauling for a brief moment. Every other line is either an embarrassingly immature joke about bestiality (???), literal toilet humour, or a chorus of irritating children wailing the word LOVE in a hundred different ways at once. Remind me again why I didn’t give this a zero?
Honestly I think I’m just especially salty ‘cause Frozen’s soundtrack was written by Kristen-Anderson Lopez and Robert Lopez, the latter of which wrote Avenue Q which is infamously hilarious and which has a musical style remarkably similar in parts to that of Fixer Upper. It just feels like in the dilution of said humour to fit a kids’ movie, it lost all of its intelligence and creativity, essentially becoming a parody of itself, but not one self-aware enough to go full-circle into becoming funny again. I’m not angry, I’m just disappointed.
I mean, when even noted Frozen evangelist alanmr is distancing himself from a track, you know it’s bad news: *mumbling* *grunting* *unintelligible gibberish* LITTLE BIT OF LOVE! Yeah, no.” Literally what you just wrote would have made for a better song. Sprockrooster brings up a good point by noting that he’s “Bored. Very bored right now.” – how does such a high-energy, high-camp moment of Broadway extravagance manage to be so terminally dull? It’s really quite an achievement. LKane gets it: “No, no no… Can’t stand it. It is the song that I’ve listened the least from ‘Frozen’ but it is so annoying in general.”, and Raichu agrees that it’s far, far beyond saving: “This song is not compelling enough to be a fixer upper.” I should probably throw in something vaguely positive, so here’s MollieSwift21 picking up on the one good part of this mess: “Ha not the rocks being so quick to not care she was engaged.”
DJHazey plays the dangerous game of dragging his mother’s faves, but honestly that’s a risk worth taking here: “Uhhhh *uncomfortably backs away slowly* I don’t know if this is a favourite for anyone, but it’s dismal at best.” You’re safe here, sis. Mina simply asks the question that’s on everyone’s mind – “WTF?”, iheartpoptarts clearly feels bad for Kristoff who had to witness this cacophony in person: “This poor guy…”, and kalonite isn’t letting it off lightly either: “I was totally in love with Frozen that first time I saw it in the cinema, before it became… well, Frozen. It was all going so well. Then… this. I genuinely don’t know what they were thinking. It’s spectacularly bad, but then it feels even worse because the rest is so good.” GET HER. constantino… well, I’ll be sending round a collection bucket to raise funds for his rehabilitation. Please give generously: “DDD the library is open and Bulda came to READ. An underrated song from an underrated scene.” … Let’s circle back to Mina to close us out appropriately from there.
WHAT THE FUCK
