The Eurovizh Alt-Song Contest 2019 - RESULTS

[constantino]

COUNTRY ONE - Albania (Festivali i Këngës)

WINNER: Jonida Maliqi - Ktheju tokës

BACKGROUND

Festivali i Këngës (fondly labelled ‘FIKmas’ by fans) is the first ‘national selection’ of the season, taking place in December. Despite it being the means of selecting Albania’s artists (and song most of the time), this is less of a national selection and more the little sister, wait no, cousin of Italy’s Sanremo festival. It IS a bit of a slog, being spread over three nights, but I found myself really enjoying this year’s selection. RTSH made an effort to promote and modernise the festival, and the outcome was the strongest batch of songs in its history. Soni, Mirud, Eranda, Lidia, Orgesa, Artemia and of course Jonida...CLASSICS - some of my favourite NF songs this season. Of course, the same tomfoolery still occurred, being an Albanian state broadcast; Elton Deda, a PRODUCER of the festival and the conductor of the damn orchestra was not only allowed to compete with his own entry, but also floated through to the final night over fan favourites...which was 100% jury vote. My gurls mostly made it through unscathed, but we lost my dear hunty Mirud (check out his Insta nn) and Aurel Thëllimi - both of whom had some of the best ‘man pain’ ballads of the season. They did Mirud particularly dirty by telling him that the jury hadn’t put him through ON AIR on the after show...brutal. It’s such a kii to me that the Albanian HoD (who works extensively on FiK) is only now ‘possibly considering’ introducing the televote...sis. Like, Jonida and Eugent would have absolutely won their respective televotes too, so trust the public. Regarding the debate of whether it’s time to abandon FIK altogether and start finally internally-selecting a slut-bop from the growing pool of smutty Eastern pop girls that Albania seem to be churning out...I’m in two minds. As much as I think that would be a competitively wise choice of RTSH, we could miss out on the likes of Mall and Ktheju Tokes in the future. I am torn I am torn. If you want to learn more about the behind-the-scenes on Albania’s POV for the contest, check out this excellent interview with the Albanian HoD by ESCInsight.

RESULTS

Voters: 13

My vote is highlighted in bold for #transparency

1) Soni Malaj - Më e forte (6 votes)

2) Orgesa Zaimi - Hije (2 votes)

3) Eranda Libohova - 100 pyetje (1 vote)
3) Marko Strazimiri & Imbro - Leyla (1 vote)
3) Artemia Mithi & Febi Shkurti - Dua Ta Besoj (1 vote)
3) Lorela Sejdini - Vetmi (1 vote)
3) Klodiana Vata - Mbrëmje pa fund (1 vote)

LIVE



STUDIO VERSION



WHAT HAPPENED?

Well, she miraculously made it through the jury vote and into the final night. I say ‘miraculously’ because this is kinda the first time we’ve had an Albanian slut-bop in FiK and with a hidden jury...you never know. But even then, Miss Soni managed a respectable 5th place out of 14 finalists, so well hello, let’s celebrate that. I do wonder how Sandra Bullock would have fared in ESC; sis would have absolutely qualified, and I reckon she would have given Albania another mid-table result. This is pure guesswork, because she has revealed that an English version of the song (called “Stronger”) exists, but has yet to be released. Even if this version is well-done, I think it merely would have split Tamta’s votes in the final. Overall, as much as I bop, Albania the jury made the right call here. That said, I think do think Mirud’s Nene could have maybe scored even higher than Ktheju Tokes. But that belongs in an alternate reality. In this reality, Jonida is a gay icon and Mirud remains posting thotty pics for likes from NYC.

Special mention: CRITICS CHOICE WINNER and Albanian Cher Eranda Libohova’s “100 pyetje”, which is everything Leonora was TRYING to achieve. It has made zero impact on even the most niche sects of the fan community but this is one of my top 5 national final songs ever. There’s such a warmth and effortless joy to this song that I can’t even articulate. I actually think this would have done fairly well in ESC too, it takes a lot of stereotypical ‘twee’ tropes but packages them in a very...not twee way. Ugh it’s just divine.

 

[constantino]

COUNTRY TWO - Australia (Australia Decides)

WINNER: Kate Miller-Heidke - Zero Gravity

BACKGROUND

With Australia showing NO signs of leaving the contest any time soon (stay PRESSED), in typical Aussia fashion, they decided to be extra cunty and show the European gorls how to run a national final properly. In one attempt, they put on a better show than the BBC could EVER. Shameful, really. SBS turned it the FUCK out with charismatic hosts, a tight 10-song running order, an eclectic mix of songs and great production values. They even threw a bone to the failed applicants by doing a ‘best of the rest’ montage before the results. With SBS confirming their participation for 2020 and KMH bringing Australia back to the top 10, it’s likely that we’ll be getting a bigger and better show for 2020.

RESULTS

Voters: 18

My vote is highlighted in bold for #transparency

1) Electric Fields - 2000 and Whatever (10 votes)

2) Leea Nanos - Set Me Free (5 votes) I HOLLERED

3) Sheppard - On My Way (1 vote)
3) Courtney Act - Fight For Love (1 vote)
3) Tania Doko - Piece of Me (1 vote) - kii

LIVE



STUDIO VERSION



WHAT HAPPENED?

In the week leading up to the final it was pretty evident that Kate had this in the bag. She was already a pre-Chandelier-Sia-esque figure in Australia, and delivered a strong enough entry to galvanise her fanbase AND expand upon it. Her PR was flawless and the songs message has felt integral to the song’s online presence from the jump. Even with the ABSURD staging, this won with ease. I resent SBS for putting Electric Fields second because I think fan favourites should get a fair chance of success, but the staging just wasn’t good enough regardless. As awesome as it would have been to have Electric Fields and the Pitjantjatjara at the contest, the staging potential just...wasn’t there? I do think it MAY have gotten a similar result had they put as much creative vision into the staging, but hey, there’s always next year for that.

Special mention: Leea Nanos for being 16 and turning out a competent and vocally-flawless performance that most NF girls could only dream of, even with her BASIC-ASS ‘staging’. I voted for ha because Set Me Free is my most-played from the selection. Adele_Come_Back.gif.

 

[constantino]

COUNTRY THREE - Belarus (Nationalny Otbor)

WINNER: ZENA - Like It

BACKGROUND

The audition stage was a mess and a kii but at least they ended up picking their best shot at qualification unlike Moldova and Latvia. I didn’t watch this one because I knew Miss ZENA had it in the bag, nor did I bother listening to any of the songs besides “Like It”, “Kinky Boots” and the lovely ethno-ballad “Čaravala”. After having a fairly decent NF last year (despite Shuma being robbed), this was a downgrade for sure.

RESULTS

Voters: 15 (including THREE spoiled ballots nn)

My vote is highlighted in bold for #transparency

1) Daz Sampson & Nona [/”that lady”] - Kinky Boots (3 votes)
[ 1) “who_cares.gif”, “These are all horrendous”, “Whatever” (3 votes) ] y'all

2) Michael Soul - Humanize (2 votes)
2) Napoli - Let it go (2 votes)
2) BLGN & Mirex - Champion (2 votes)
2) Bidash - Music Inside (2 votes)

3) Aura - Čaravala (1 vote)
3) Soroka-Voroka - Potato aka Бульба (1 vote)

LIVE

​

STUDIO VERSION



WHAT HAPPENED?
​

Nn this really fucking SNAPS. Unfortunately, the kii didn’t make it the distance and Daz didn’t even progress to the final 10. I guess these boots weren’t made for walking after all. The chorus may even be catchier than Like It’s if we’re being real, but alas. ZENA presented the best chance of qualification for Belarus, and she did, albeit accidentally. Of course the selection was a TOTAL set-up, with it being 100% jury vote and BTRC-affiliate ZENA getting 69/70 points. In other words, the padge was rigged. Do I give a shit? No, because corruption if national finals is excusable when it ensures that the correct result is achieved.

 

[constantino]

COUNTRY FOUR - Croatia (DORA)

WINNER: Roko - The Dream

BACKGROUND

While three countries reverted to internal selections to select their entries this year (Malta, Switzerland, Poland, Greece technically nn), 2019 marked the welcomed return of DORA. DORA had previously been the means through which Croatia selected their artist between 1993 and 2011, before HRT switched the game up mawma with internal-selections, most of which flopped. Following their [undeserved] worst result EVER with Franka, they resurrected DORA for the 2019 season. All in all, I’d say it was a success. Although the format needs work and the roll-out of the songs is a bit of a mess, the general quality was strong. They even ended up with two surefire qualifiers in the form of the whacky BOP that was “Brutalero” and the theatrical SERVE of “Tower of Babylon”. Of course, they fucked it all up by selecting “The Dream”, which rightfully NQ’d. Since it won the televote, they have no one to blame but themselves. I hope they don’t ditch the format altogether and instead just pick the best song next time around. As far as I know, the official soundtrack did pretty well and the show was well-received, so I hope it returns next year. That or just internally-select Franka with a good song or Lorena.

RESULTS

Voters: 13 (including one spoiled ballots nn)

My vote is highlighted in bold for #transparency

1) Lorena - Tower of Babylon (4 votes)

2) Luka Nizetic - Brutalero (3 votes)

3) Ema Gagro - Redemption (2 votes)
3) Beta Sudar - Don't Give Up (2 votes)

4) Lidija Basic Lille - Tek Je Pomelo (1 vote)
[ 4) ”i_was_so_bored.gif” (1 vote) ] ​

LIVE (basically the studio version - talent!)



STUDIO VERSION



WHAT [THE FUCK] HAPPENED?

As tricky as the back half of semi 2 ended up being, the first half still SUCKED and I believe Lorena would have squeezed through and potentially gotten a really strong result for Croatia. I hate to be cynical because Roko is an incredibly talented vocalist, but it’s clear that Jack Whodat was wot won it in the end. Thankfully, he erased his previous success by flopping this time around despite being SO confident that he’d smash it, I have to laugh. Anyways, Lorena’s live performance has aged like foine woine and the young performer really served it to the children, showcasing A LOT of potential for future ESC domination. Tower of Babylon, unlike The Dream, is the RIGHT kind of kitschy and with some minor tweaks to the production would have been one of the better entries of 2019. Ah well, I guess it’s time to avenge ha!

 

[constantino]

COUNTRY FIVE - Czech Republic (Eurovision Song CZ - was there ever a LAMER title for national final?)

WINNER: Lake Malawi - Friend of a Friend

BACKGROUND

Here we have the selection that 1in360 wanted to be. Evidently and proudly low-budget, the Czech selection featured eight acts lip syncing to their entries on mobile phones, and the selection being left to an app vote and jury vote that was revealed via a powerpoint presentation at the HQ of the Czech broadcaster. It sounds strange to say but I’m oddly proud of Czech Republic’s recent gain in momentum; they could have easily followed the lead of neighbour Slovakia and withdraw after a string of absolute flops (and “I Stand”, one of the best ballads in ESC history), but they’re actually putting effort into their participation instead. This was marked by the announcement of a full national final for the 2020 all the way back in JANUARY (way before they received a measly 7 in the televote nn their faces). I love it when a new national final emerges, and I hope to see the Czech Republic win soon so I can finally go to Prague.

RESULTS

Voters: 15

My vote is highlighted in bold for #transparency

1) Pam Rabbit - Easy to Believe (7 votes)

2) Barbora Mochowa - True Colors (4 votes)

3) Hana Barbara - Poslední slova tobě (3 votes)

4) Andrea Holá - Give Me A Hint (1 vote)​

...and none for Space Sushi

LIVE

lol

STUDIO VERSION



WHAT HAPPENED?

Me? I am gooped. This is the first ‘shock’ of the contest for me, I really thought Barbora had it in the bag. As I understood it, the gays wanted Barbora Del Rey but the straights won, and most likely for the best. I guess not? To be fair, despite voting for it, “True Colors” has kinda aged like milk compared to “Easy to Believe”, the very definition of ‘[*atmospheric pop music*].gif’. As heterosexual as “Friend of a Friend”, the correct decision was made, as none of the other entries would have qualified, let alone reach 11th (no thanks to the fuckin televote LMAO). Despite admittedly obnoxious indie wankers about the contest in the past, Albert and co seemed to really embrace the bubble and the spirit of the contest, turning out the pre-party circuit, recording content with fellow artists (and one of them even flirting with my friend in Amsterdam nn). Easy to Believe MAY have scraped through with faggy neon aesthetic staging, but I don’t think so. I also don’t think it’s gonna do anything in this contest despite a strong showing here tbh.

 

[constantino]

COUNTRY SIX - Denmark (Dansk Melodi Grand Prix)

WINNER: Centrism

BACKGROUND

This selection was the absolute PITS nn.

RESULTS

Voters: 16

My vote is highlighted in bold for #transparency

1) Julie & Nina - League of Light (5 votes)

2) Simone Emilie - Anywhere (4 votes)

3) Jasmin Gabay - Kiss Like This (3 votes)
3) Leeloo - That Vibe (3 votes)

4) Sigmund - Say My Name (1 votes)

...and none for Space Sushi

LIVE



STUDIO VERSION



WHAT HAPPENED?

As ‘electric chair’ as L*ve *s F*rever was, DR were certainly happy with what they got from the dumpster. She may have pulled a ZENA with her qualification, but they seemed DELIGHTED to score 12th (above Tamta smh) after one of the year’s poorest selections. “League of Light” was the fan favourite going in, but the frumpy styling and dull staging made this powerful duet feel limp and flat in a live setting. I would have liked to have heard Greenlandic at the contest, but make no mistake, we only would have heard it at the semi because that song would NOT have qualified. Regardless, do better next year, Denmark.

 

[constantino]

COUNTRY SEVEN - Estonia (Eesti Laul)

WINNER: Mediocrity

BACKGROUND

This selection was the absolute PITS nn, part 2 (Darude Remix). Estonia should honestly be ashamed. Going from being one of the best selections to one of the worst in the space of a year? Pathetic.jpeg. I could NOT believe my ears when I first listened through the 20+ BLAND entries they presented to us after Elina ‘God’ Nechayeva.

RESULTS

Voters: 15

My vote is highlighted in bold for #transparency

1) Kaia Tamm - Wo Sind Die Katzen? (5 votes)

2) Lumevärv feat. INGA - Milline päev (3 votes)

3) Uku Suviste - Pretty Little Liar (1 vote)
3) Sissi - Strong (1 vote)
3) Sandra Nurmsalu - Soovide puu (1 vote)
3) Kerli Kivilaan - Cold Love (1 vote)
3) Sünne Valtri - I'll Do It My Way (1 vote)
3) Cätlin Mägi & Jaan Pehk - Parmumäng (1 vote)
3) Sofia Rubina-Hunter - Deep Water (1 vote)

LIVE



STUDIO VERSION



WHAT HAPPENED?


Didn’t even fuckin make it to the final did it? Simple as. I didn’t actually care for this at first, but seeing how much this explosion of fun and absurdity popped in a sea of shite made it rise considerably in my expectations. I had checked out well before the result segments and I wasn’t expecting it to go through anyway. In fact, I can pin-point exactly the moment I ran out of fucks to give whilst live tweeting the damn show (don’t ask me how this ended up happening because it is a BLUR: I wrote ‘Sünne’ instead of ‘Synne’ in a tweet because for some fuckin reason the hussy’s name is spelt differently on wiki as it was on the screen and some CUNT took the time to quote my tweet and say some shit like ‘um can you PLEASE make an effort to spell artists’ names correctly pls’ and I have never wanted to reach through my screen and strangle someone more.

So year, fuck Estonia. Oh and fuck y’all for not voting for Sandra’s ethereal, breezy Wiccan bop, which is my honourable mention.

 

[constantino]

COUNTRY EIGHT - France (Destination Eurovision)

WINNER: Bilal Hassani - Roi

BACKGROUND

Ah, back to talent! Despite being a considerably weaker show than its inaugural edition back in 2018, Destination Eurovision was still one of the best national selections of the season. There weren’t really any glaring weak links in the line-up, and the one song that everyone wrote off as a novelty pre-show ended up outperforming all of my faves lmao. Once again, my main criticism of the show remains the pointless and powerless ‘judges’, and my faves flopping more than in any other selection for some reason. The show isn’t a HUGE success outside the fan bubble but I really hope it continues for years to come because it keeps giving us BOPS and the occasional kii.

RESULTS

Voters: 21 - the only selection that everyone voted for, talent!

My vote is highlighted in bold for #transparency

1) Aysat - Comme Une Grande (8 votes)

2) Chimène Badi - Là-haut (3 votes)
2) The Divas - La voix d'Aretha (3 votes)
2) Battista Acquaviva - Passio (3 votes)


3) Seemone - Tous les deux (2 votes)

4) Gabriella - On cherge encore (Never Get enough) (1 vote)
4) Tracy De Sa - Por Aqui (1 vote)

LIVE​

Um okay so the live performance has seemingly been wiped from YouTube so watch this instead.



STUDIO VERSION



WHAT HAPPENED?​

Well, Bilal the influencer won despite having a mediocre song performed mediocrely. I LOVE Bilal (even more now having met him) and I LOVE Bilal’s album (stream it NOW), but this entry was not the tea for me, not from such a strong selection. Having eventually settled in 15th in the final scoreboard, I think we can come to a consensus that Comme Une Grande was the better option? It would have been THE bop, and since the French delegation have finally learned how to stage, it could have done some damage. I don’t think the public (the juries did not select Bilal, let’s be real) got it TOTALLY wrong, mind; France still ended up defending its crown as the second-best big five member and put forward a great performance.


Honourable mentions: Of course, we need to take a moment to remember the following fallen bops: Florina - In the Shadow; Gabriella - On cherche encore (Never get enough); Mazy - Oulala; Noémie - Ma petite famille; Philipelise - Madame la paix; Tracy De Sá - Por aqui. Regarding Tous les Deux...despite the slight creepiness of it, the song and Seemone’s voice have an undeniable ~emotional gravitas~ that would have maybe scored well (at least with the juries). La Haut has grown on me immensely, especially in the context of Chimene’s SOLID recent album, which is a masterpiece in adult contemporary mumsy elegance. Oh and Battista Acquaviva is skinny!

 

[constantino]

COUNTRY NINE - Germany (Unser Lied fur Israel)

WINNER: S!sters - Sister

BACKGROUND

I’m sure we all know the story. Unsur Lied was a really weird combination of being covered extensively by NDR, with the progress of the submission process, shortlisting and workshops being announced in excruciating detail for months...only for the final 7 entries to be revealed 24 hours before the show, what? What was the reason? After a highly enjoyable show with some of the highest production values of any NF and several explanations of their innovative and transparent scoring system...it all went absolutely tits up. I was streaming the show with my German housemate and she was fuming for DAYS. S!sters winning the jury vote AND the televote?? HOW...I’m still dumbfounded months on...

RESULTS

Voters: 18 (including 1 spoiled ballot)

My vote is highlighted in bold for #transparency

1) Aly Ryan - Wear Your Love (16 votes) the domination

2) Lily Among Clouds - Surprise (1 vote)

and someone voted for S!sters...​

LIVE



STUDIO VERSION​

​

WHAT HAPPENED?​

Where to begin? Despite securing a fluke success [undeservedly] last year, NDR decided that they missed the bottom 5 and threw away an easy top 10 finish. The fact that they put the runaway fan favourite in second is only the tip of the iceberg...why even risk it by running a national final when you’re given lightning in a bottle? Yes I KNOW the staging was an overbaked mess but there was so much POTENTIAL there. Sister, by comparison, was so glaringly uncompetitive that the mind BOGGLES how it won the televote. I guarantee you it would have been a different outcome had S!sters and Aly been swapped in the running order. For that reason, this is NDR’s fault entirely.

 

[constantino]

COUNTRY TEN - Hungary (A Dal)

WINNER: Joci Pápai - Az én apám

BACKGROUND

This being a fucking mess was a shame because in the THIRTY songs were some absolute gems. Between the bloated line up, shitty corrupt format, chronic lack of female artists and the AWFUL taste of the juries, A Dal 2019 (or A Dull, because it’s a slog) was a mix of



and



RESULTS

Voters: 12 (including 1 spoiled ballot)

My vote is highlighted in bold for #transparency

1) Rozina Pátkai - Frida (3 votes)

2) yes yes - Incomplete (2 votes)

3) Bogi Nagy - Holnap (1 vote)
3) The Middletonz - Roses (1 vote)
3) Gergo Olah - Hozzad Bujnek (1 vote)
3) DENIZ - Ide várnak vissza (1 vote)
3) Petruska - Help Me Out of Here (1 vote)
3) KYRA - Maradj Még (1 vote)
[3) “how_about_no.png” (1 vote)]​

LIVE



STUDIO VERSION​

​

WHAT HAPPENED?​

This is a strange winner and very much an outlier because it was basically buried in the pack, even though it’s probably the best studio cut here. That said, the live version was INEXCUSABLE. Was she on drugs? Was she fucking on drugs? I almost voted for on the strength of the EXCELLENT studio version but live she basically stood their for three minutes looking like a damn crackhead trying to hold it together in front of her family.

Regarding yesyes, that’s a good question. It was a classic case of a fan favourite flopping on its damn face due to a series of poor choices. Because of A Dal’s convoluted-ass format, the initial BOOGER performance was given the chance to improve slightly (emphasis on ‘slightly’) as the public vote saved it from getting the boot in the heats. It’s a massive shame because a) the singer is HOT and b) the song was the most competitive of the bunch. Even still, their song last year was far better. Not to be too graphic I would have my student loan doubled just to sample that man’s seed but what...exactly was the purpose of the accordion?? Quickly. I personally voted for Roses because I thought it was the most dynamic and contemporary offering Hungary had. Both of which, of course, stood a greater chance of qualifying than Josie’s mediocre comeback. “Az én apám” was...fine, but ‘cute next to gorgeous…’ etc, the shitty format of the show produced a mediocre entry, which yielded a mediocre result. I don’t even hate the song but as I always say, do NOT return to the contest unless you have a better song.

 

[londonrain]

YAS thank goodness Aysat made it through.

I never understood the love for Battista Aquafina. The song is... fine. Chimène and Aysat were both way better.

Also, Daz Sampson tried to compete for Belarus? Wow.

 

[constantino]

COUNTRY ELEVEN - Iceland (Söngvakeppnin)

WINNER: Hatari - Hatrið mun sigra

BACKGROUND

Songvakeppnin updates:

Someone in the audience sits in a full suit of bondage gear while stage hands give out bags of popcorn.

I don’t mean this to be shady because for once Söngvakeppnin was actually fairly decent, and FAR from the worst selection of the year. There were a handful of cute bops, but this was all about Hatari from the jump and that was just the way it had to be. Unfortunately I fear this was a fluke because their success this year was a consequence of the talent and not necessarily anything the broadcaster did...but let’s see. It was just nice to see them do well for a change, but they better not fuckin win what a nightmare that would be.

RESULTS

Voters: 16 (including 1 spoiled ballot)

My vote is highlighted in bold for #transparency

1) IMSLAND - Nú og hér / What Are You Waiting For (8 votes)

2) Tara Mobee - Betri án þín / Fighting For Love (4 votes)

3) Heiðrún Anna - Helgi (1 vote)​

[ 4) “That guy with the massive nipples” (1 vote) ] but Hatari won??

LIVE



STUDIO VERSION​

​

WHAT HAPPENED?​

Um, talent won? I’m usually one to mourn for the loss of airy electro bops but IMSLAND would have absolutely flopped in ESC (like her mentor Svala) and you KNOW it! Same for Tara. That said, they were still two of my favourite songs from the NF season and remain on my ‘bops’ playlist. At the end of the day, Hatrið mun sigra was a rare instance of my favourite winning its national final AND doing well in the contest. Even if it was indeed a fluke for Iceland, it was to go from:

to

for a change.

 

[constantino]

COUNTRY TWELVE - Italy (Sanremo)

WINNER: Mahmood - Soldi

BACKGROUND

I’m sure pretty much all of you are *aware* of Sanremo, so I needn’t go into too much depth about the history behind the festival. Despite loving pretty much every entry that Sanremo has produced, I refuse to watch it. Being as MASSIVE and relevant as it is, I still do my best to follow the frontrunners and narratives running through the contest. I listened to Arisa and Loredana, partly because they were essentially the only women competing, and then to Il Volo and Ultimo because they were the frontrunners, and decided both were a bit shit. THANKFULLY, corruption/bureaucracy won and, for once, actually benefited the gays. In a NF season full of gags, it was nice to see at least one PLEASANT surprise. Mahmood’s victory took the Italian public, media and even political discourse by storm that week, but upon realising how excellent Soldi was (and how talented Mahmood was), it all worked out in the end. Since then, the rest is history. And Ultimo remains as pressed as a mozarella, pesto and sun-dried tomato panini, bitch.

RESULTS

Voters: 17 (including 1 spoiled ballot)

My vote is highlighted in bold for #transparency

1) Loredana Bertè - Cosa ti aspetti da me (8 votes)

2) Arisa - Mi sento bene (4 votes)

3) Il Volo - Musica che resta (1 vote)
3) Einar - Parole nuove (1 vote)
3) Dotta - Dov'è l'Italia (1 vote)
3) Senza Farlo Apposta - Shade e Federica Carta (1 vote)
[ 3) "as if i watched all of that nn" (1 vote) ]

LIVE



STUDIO VERSION​

​

WHAT HAPPENED?​

Well, as far as I could gather, Loredana, a LEGEND and Big Ang reincarnated, was the emerging as a favourite to win the whole thing! According to intel (updates from friends who actually watched the shows), every single performance of hers was met with a standing ovation in the concert hall. With her cross-generational appeal, legendary status and sheer talent, she would have been a force in the superfinal potentially. The song itself is also excellent and my most-listened-to from the festival along with Mi sento bene and, of course, Soldi. But then, gag, she placed 4TH in the stage with no televoting, and people were PISSED. Apparently the girls were shaken and stirred, standing up and shouting profanities and all! Eventually, once the superfinal performances began, it appeared to settle down and the shit around Mahmood’s victory didn’t hit the fan until the following morning. If you want to read a really fantastic article analysing the fallout from Mahmood’s win from a political context, I recommend this piece from Insight. But also lemme give a brief shoutout to Arisa, because her album is EXCELLENT, and actually I regard to be “Mi sento bene” one of the weaker cuts.

 

[londonrain]

Wow, that Insight piece is depressing. You’ve got to stan Mahmood for putting up with that crap not only within Italy but also at ESC when the journalists were asking him questions like “Do you live in the ghetto?”

 

[NecessaryVoodoo]

2) Lily Among Clouds - Surprise (1 vote)

and someone voted for S!sters...

I-

 

[soratami]

I'm loving these write-ups!

Ended up not actually voting in the pre-selection but I'll definitely participate in the main contest.

 

[constantino]

COUNTRY THIRTEEN - Latvia (Supernova)

WINNER: Carousel - That Shite

BACKGROUND​

RESULTS

Voters: 14

My vote is highlighted in bold for #transparency

1) Samanta Tīna - Cutting the Wire (4 votes)

2) Edgars Kreilis - Cherry Absinthe (3 votes)

3) Adriana Miglane - Scared of Love (2 votes)

4) Kristiana - Remedy (1 vote)
4) Markus Riva - You Make Me So Crazy (1 vote)
4) Kris & Oz - Midnight Streets (1 vote)
4) Double Faced Eels - Fire (1 vote)
4) Waterflower - Grow (1 vote)

LIVE



STUDIO VERSION​

​

WHAT HAPPENED?

Like basically every song in the auditions stage, “Cutting The Wire” was BOOGER BOOTS at first. However, the live version was a masterclass in polishing a turd. Sure this wasn’t...like...actually good, but it was well-staged, a bit of a bop and, most importantly, a kii. I don’t think anyone expected this to win, but it would have been a far better option than the embarrassingly bland “That Night”. It would have made for a far more iconic performance at LEP, let me tell you...

 

[constantino]

COUNTRY FOURTEEN - Lithuania (Eurovizijos Atranka)

WINNER: Jurij Valenko (F.K.A Jurijus) - Run With the Lions

BACKGROUND

Yet another national final that I followed but refused to watch. LRT really love making people suffer, viewers and artists alike. The thing features like 60 songs, spread over 8 weeks. WHO has the time?? The saddest parts are a) they’ve been ‘editing’ the process for years now and it’s still a bloated mess and b) every year they end up with dogshit at the end of it, maybe not last year. As much as I didn’t like “Whërń wir awaaærrl”, it was a very competitive entry and did pretty well in Lisbon. This year, however, it was business as usual and they ended up with the most aggressively mediocre song possible. I still wouldn’t call it the worst national final because in that HEAP of trash is a few treasures, most of which y’all voted for.

RESULTS

Voters: 14

My vote is highlighted in bold for #transparency

1) Monika Marija - Light On (4 votes)

2) Monika Marija - Criminal (3 votes)

3) Saulės kliošas - Laiko mašina (2 votes)

4) Paola Hart - I’ll Be Alright (1 vote)
4) CHERI - Again (1 vote)
4) Tiramisu - The Smell of your eyes (1 votes)
4) Aldegunda - I Want Your Love (1 votes)
4) Bad Option - Indrė Juodeikienė (1 votes)
4) MaNNazz - Blind Bird (1 votes)

LIVE



STUDIO VERSION



WHAT HAPPENED?


This is a hard one to discuss because there is an even greater sense of ‘what if’; what if Monika just stuck with “Criminal” from the jump? What if she progressed with “Criminal” instead of “Light On”? What if the Lithuanian public had taste? So many questions. To cut a long story short, Monika Marija is a rising star in Lithuania and was expected to walk it the moment she was announced. She originally entered with the STELLAR ballad Criminal, which would have been Lithuania’s best entry ever. She then thought she’d be cute and enter a second song, Light On, because there is nothing in the rules from stopping you from competing twice. Light On also would have been Lithuania’s best entry ever. For the majority of the marathon slog of a national final this was, the two songs were competing in separate heats, but since the latter had fared better among voters and jurors, she decided to drop Criminal from the competition the week of its semi-final. But instead of withdrawing it, she performed it and, despite asking people not to vote for her, she qualified for the final with both songs. Ahead of the final, she then officially withdrew Criminal. But despite Light On still being in contention, her shenanigans had seemingly pissed a lot of people off and she ended up in second place. In my opinion, she was always destined to come second regardless of her entry, because Jurij had one both the televote and jury vote in the heat that he competed against her in, for whatever reason. Clearly sis was not in the loop because my friend (who went to the damn final) said that Monika had reportedly been doing vocal warm-ups backstage before the winner was announced...sasfsdsfbgf is that not the most comically-tragic thing you’ve heard today?

Honourable mention: This 2012 Ellie-Goulding-lite electro ballad that the public were NOT here for but crawled through to the penultimate stage thanks to the juries.

The Saulės kliošas song, like their entry last year, is also excellent btw.

 

[constantino]

COUNTRY FIFTEEN - Moldova (O melodie pentru Europa)

WINNER: Anna Ou - Stay

BACKGROUND

RESULTS

Voters: 10

My vote is highlighted in bold for #transparency

1) Lemonique - Gravity (4 votes)

2) Irina Tarasiuc & Lume - Ca Adriano Celentano (3 votes)

3) Che-MD feat. Elizaveta Ivasiuk - Sub Pământ (1 vote)
3) Vera Turcanu - Cold (1 vote)
3) Diana Brescan - Lies (1 vote)

LIVE

Apols I can only find the morning TV performance



STUDIO VERSION



WHAT HAPPENED?

Nothing? Literally nothing. This song is fun and tinny in the vein of Lidia Isaac’s “Falling Stars”, except nowhere near as good let’s be clear. It ended up placing 5th in a field of 10, but I struggle to mourn for a song that would have probably done even worse than Stay did. I basically checked out of the Moldovan selection and concluded that they would not be in the final this year the moment they did not pick “Ca Adriano Celentano”, which would have FLOWN through semi 2. It was so odd to see them completely blank the entry that would have continued the kitchy and fun trademark sound that had brought them two consecutive top 10 finishes. At least we got the kii of the #SandSnowGate in Tel Aviv.

Honourable mention: This, of course, which y’all should have voted for, but I realise that it wasn’t even part of the playlist because it didn’t make the shortlist nn oops.

 

[A&E]

RESULTS

Voters: 15 (including THREE spoiled ballots nn)

My vote is highlighted in bold for #transparency

1) Daz Sampson & Nona [/”that lady”] - Kinky Boots (3 votes)
[ 1) “who_cares.gif”, “These are all horrendous”, “Whatever” (3 votes) ] y'all

2) Michael Soul - Humanize (2 votes)
2) Napoli - Let it go (2 votes)

3) Aura - Čaravala (1 vote)
3) Soroka-Voroka - Potato aka Бульба (1 vote)

Smh I voted for this queen and she doesn't even get listed