The Eurovizh Alt-Song Contest 2019 - RESULTS

For decades, Melodifestivalen has been made out to be some kind of 'Mini-Eurovision', with incredible production values, amazing songs and charismatic hosts. Having finally began following the national finals in 2017...I found that some of it was true.
Can we just state for the record though that two of the three years from 2017-2019 were hosted by DOVVID FACKING LINDGREN so it’s not like they were going to be banner years regardless of the outcome...

COUNTRY TWENTY-FIVE - United Kingdom (You Decide)

Winner: Our Michael, just a normal bloke with a dream - Blame Brexit


BBC holds another sub-standard national selection. But if they hadn't lowered their standards enough, they decided to feature three mediocre songs instead of the usual six. In a switch-up that NO ONE asked for, they thought it would be a cute idea to further separate the artists from the song they sing by handing poorly-written songs to a bunch of saps with no identity or creativity in the hopes of the UK avoiding embarrassment...they failed. My friend did the interviews of the artists and I can confirm that they were all as dim and boring as they seemed. Although Hollie was a kii at LEP, so she can stay.


Voters: 19 (including two spoiled ballots)

My vote is highlighted in bold for #transparency, UA:PBC are shaking in their harnesses.

1) Kerrie-Anne - Sweet Lies (16 votes)

2) MAID - Freaks ('for a kii') (1 vote)
[ 2) MARUV - Siren Song (1 vote) ]
[ 2) 'they were all shit' (1 vote) ]




Well, she delivered a highly competent rendition of the song, with frumpy styling and boring staging. Musical experts Rylan, Mole King and Marvin from JLS decided that it was better than the dull piano version and didn't win. The BBC, despite being a PUBLIC broadcaster, do not regard the results of a PUBLIC vote to be PUBLIC information. But rumour has it that she came third...yes, below Jordan's version of 'Freaks'. Jesus WEPT. Sweet Lies was not top 10 material, I don't even think it as top 14 material. However, it absolutely would not have come last.

Honourable mention, of course, goes to this iconic train wreck. The BBC really thought it would be a good idea to shortlist a girl group who have NEVER performed live together before. You ain't fooling anyone with your damn podcast, y'all are still shit. Saying that, thank you for this GIFT.



Nn this was actually really fucking hard

1) Kerrie-Anne - Sweet Lies (United Kingdom)
2) Julie & Nina - League of Light (Denmark)
3) Soni Malaj - Më e forte (Albania)
4) Pam Rabbit - Easy to Believe (Czech Republic)
5) Lorena - Tower of Babylon (Croatia)
6) Oscar Enestad - I Love It (Sweden)
7) Samanta Tīna - Cutting the Wire (Latvia)
8) Sofija Perić - Aritmija (Serbia)
9) Daz Sampson & Nona - Kinky Boots (Belarus)
10) Ingrid Berg Mehus - Feel (Norway)
11) Andrea Demirović - Ja Sam Ti San (Montenegro)
12) Kaia Tamm - Wo Sind Die Katzen? (Estonia)
13) Bella Santiago - Army of Love (Romania)
14) Rozina Pátkai - Frida (Hungary)
15) Aly Ryan - Wear Your Love (Germany)
16) Loredana Bertè - Cosa ti aspetti da me (Italy)
17) Electric Fields - 2000 and Whatever (Australia)
18) Monika Marija - Light On (Lithuania)
19) Aysat - Comme Une Grande (France)
20) IMSLAND - What Are You Waiting For (Iceland)
21) RAIVEN - KAOS (Slovenia)
22) Lemonique - Gravity (Moldova)
23) María Villar - Muérdeme (Spain)
24) Ana Cláudia - Inércia (Portugal)
25) MARUV - Siren Song (Ukraine)

Spotify playlist (excluding Belarus and Serbia):


To vote, simply PM me with your points as follows:
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4) Natalia Lacunza - La Clave (1 vote)

Thanks for doing this, it's great fun, and mostly a stellar lineup!


I can't believe I'm the only one who LOVES this bop in the known Eurovision world?
Like it was a strong NF (La Venda aside), but La Clave was the biggest obsesion of the season for me of the few NFs I watched live, and I thought at least someone at PJ would have my back. Ah well, maybe it was the sangria.
Gonna comment about our NF winners, even though no one asked but I'll do anyway because I'm sag and I like to give opinions about subjects no one asked

Good Choice, Taste Won, Faith in Eurovision Restored
Croatia: I'm glad Bruh-talero didn't win.
Germany: as it should be - with domination
Hungary: This is the most unexpected. This was my favorite but didn't expect to win.
Norway: I'm shaking, you guys
Slovenia: Our top 2 is stellar
United Kingdom

We Had Options But She's A Nice Girl So K
Albania: She is a nice girl though.
Czech Republic
Lithuania: Criminal >
Romania: Not giving Laura Bretan a single fucking vote is a kii

Just Gonna Lace Up My Yikes and Runaway

There's A Lot To Unpack Here, But We Should Burn The Whole Suitcase Instead - Special to Belarus
Belarus: You gotta be kidding me folks

Mostly great results, I'll vote asap.
Bit late, but I'm still surprised that I was the sole vote for Cheri. I thought It blew the others outta the water, but I was way off base.