Discussion in 'K-pop' started by Squashua, Dec 4, 2017.
I'm excited to see all the ways @Squashua drags me without having my commentary.
Also HOW COULD Y'ALL DO THIS??? IT'S JUST THE BEGINNING AND I ALREADY LOST A 9.5??????
Times are tough! I guess Amber’s Uber rating is so low that she has to work at Walmart now!!
Her paycheck from there is probably bigger than her one from SM.
I didn't expect to see my trash taste thrown back in my face this early in the rate. This is going to be rough.
I didn't expect this to be first out, but it certainly doesnt surprise me. There are worse songs in the rate, sure, but less than a handful. And none of those songs are from artists with this much talent, money, and capability. So this is the worst of the worst best, and I'm perfectly fine with that.
I'd be fine with Wee Woo finishing Top 20, ddd.
I've arrived to discover some new faves as you guys count them down after first planning to take part and then getting a bit overwhelmed by the long list of songs I didn't know because I'm a flop. So heyyyyyyy!
I enjoyed that. It's an adorable mess and it made me want to go to the mall so bad.
This all looks really fun, and I'm excited for whatever else is in store!
My only regret is not giving @Squashua's hosting my eleven.
I'm going to be slaughtered once y'all see some of the scores I gave some subforum faves
I...am also in this team...
I can't at the iconic-ness of this rate and we're only at #100
Also how iconic is that the last song has 6+ average.. Whew, this is going to be a bloodbath till the end and I don't know if I'm ready
I am very much prepared for my 11 to be out before #80.
TRASH FOR IT 10s:
Island // Send Photo
(Eodiya @ohnostalgia's 10 hmmm?)
BEIGE ABOUT IT 4 to 5s:
BEST FICTION / Ceir / Empty Shoebox /
Junglefish / @McQueer / Salami / Squashua
STRAIGHT UP ILJINS:
0 - @eccentricsimply
1 - @Kuhleezi
3 - Alouder98 / D is for Danger!
*puts on best David Attenborough voice*
And here, in this harsh terrain of box sets, strobe lighting and the various mountains of items she'll have to carry back to the truck as part of her position as a Roadie, we find the Lesser Orange-Hued Muthafker, also known in common usage as just "Bad Coochie".
Not to be confused with the palazzo pant sporting, more elegant but sorely under appreciated Choochi, this un-elusive being has garnered a reputation for rattling off cliche gangsta idioms, largely in English, across any reality show that will take her with a reluctance to produce coherent sentences in the Korean language her desired market would so greatly appreciate. There is an argument to be made that the usage of English actually eludes to a keen desire to teach and nurture those studying a second language such as this informative chirp "I'm self made, ain't nobody ever made me" which, yes correct, is indeed the meaning of self-made. 10 Points for Ravencoochie.
Contrary to popular belief, Bad Coochie is not "way too fly to be one of y'all" for she is, in fact, a flightless mammal. Notice in awe as she spends almost the whole of this video capture in her natural habitat sat on or inside of various non-descript items lent to her by the crew far away from other life forms. Watch as she feigns the appearance of wings and aerial movement to confuse her prey:
Yes, this is a predator of feigns and illusions - going as far as using the entire backing track of the DeRulo's mating call "Talk Dirty" for her own unspecified purposes. It is unfortunate then that this mating call is notorious for inducing repulsion in nearly all who hear it and is only slightly improved by it being less than three minutes in length and the inclusion of a string like instrument at the very opening and towards the end of its warble.
This however is not the most prominent tactic you will face if you ever run into the Lesser Orange-hued Muthafker in your local McDonalds drive-thru... The one call repeated time and time again is that of COOCHIE, often mistakenly thought of as Gucci the fashion brand until you realise they wouldn't dare endorse this ratchet messery. In fact if you look on Gucci's website as of right now, the first ensemble features a cardigan adorned with pug faces and retired lady ankle-bashers. Do you feel like Gucci now Jessi?
Ultimately, "Bad Coochie"'s bravado stems from a place of over-compensation of finding themselves in a environment which is both extremely tough for females to enter the arena (if not part of a girl-group) and also probably not a comfortable fit with their personality, goals or aims (let's be real - she'd rather be in L.A. sunning it up by the beach than in an abandoned Gangnam warehouse). Should this be taken against her?
Normally no, but when you go OTT and write a whole song about how much money you claim to but actually don't have (asides from renting out the monopoly money dealing cannon) with an obnoxious sax loop and little to no substance asides from "Oh i made myself, you all suck, i iz real" then...
What fashion house's former aesthetic are YOU feeling like today? I'd kinda want my denim shirt-but-actually-a-boiler-suit back from my 90's toddlerdom. I feel like that.
Most of the opinions on this song depend on your viewpoint on that common resource - trash. Some people love a trash bop, some people dont - others can recognise a trashy banger from straight up garbage. And look, we do so have a contingent watching in horror at the binmen cleaning the streets whilst shaking their coochies. Salami can barely look: "The MV is embarrassing from start to finish but at least the song is catchy. Despite it being a complete trashy mess, at least she has personality." Junglefish can't even: "Cringy lyrics and lazy chorus, but this actually grew on me because of this rate. I kind of love Jessi’s confidence and that middle eight is pretty nice. Coochie Coochie Coochie." and Kuhleezi had ha thesis prepared for the Community Watch meeting weeks ago: "Whenever I hear this I’m always reminded that this aesthetic is so at odds with Gucci’s recent efforts to rebrand itself as some 1970’s hippie flower power hazy trip à la Florence + the Machine circa all of their career, which I would find hilariously brilliant if I didn’t find this whole affair incredibly disheartening. It’s just 2:59 minutes of dated production tropes, messy hooks and questionable vocals."
Flo isn't the only gal getting a name drop in Jessi's pursuit for a designer handbag that she didn't have to stab a binch for. GeiPanda reminds me of the ACTUAL best female rap song of the year: "Yezi got sacrificed and mummified so that this song could pass through to the finals." ANCK SU NAMUM WAS ROBBED YOU GOOCHIES. D is for Danger!, is Kreayshawn like LaShauwn Beyond's drag daughter because I don't no ha: "Just like Kreayshawn's Gucci Gucci, this is shitty shitty. I don't like Jessi's rap flow and how she pronounces her words. The song is as generic as it gets. She raps about how she's self made and that nobody ever made her. Not if Dr Kim has anything to say about that! Bring back Lucky J!!!" EccentricSimply is coming atcha with a menage-a-trois of name-drops (poor Heize in that embarassmentwich): "There's literally nothing about this song that makes it pleasant. It's just a female version of Jackon Wang's Papillon in terms of second handed embarrassment. It's like... a cheaper version of a Jason Derulo song, which is already a pretty cheap thing. But I mean, it was also definitely something I expected Jessi to come up with. She's just trying so damn hard and failing extraordinarily at making something original or pleasant in the lines of what Heize managed to do. So yeah, have my zero. "
and Gintoki asks the question we've all be thinking: "CL who? We have a new baddest female this year wtih guilty pleasure and a half. Fun fact all my GP friends like it...that's strange." I'm not sure if GP is slang for something else but now I imagine just a ward full of medical practitioner people getting their lives to Coochie Goochie.
We interrupt this program for a quick PSA by, Empty Shoebox, ironically also what Jessi can expect as a thank you present from Gucci PR: "I do not appreciate advertising in my music. I'm obviously not the target audience, but this is far too shouty for me." Ceir did leave a commentary consisting of one word but I figured it would be more expressive in a visual format:
You can thank me later x
Who do we have to thank / angry mob against for bringing this song to our humble rate final?
Alouder98 - I gave this a 1 at first and my commentary was ''There's nothing redeemable about this'' but after I listened to it a few times, I low-key love the F-U-C-K part. @Island's impact. (The choochi parts are still awful though).
Send Photo - I love @Island more than I hate this song so this is my gift to him, not like it’ll survive the other girls’ scores kii.
(Yeah apart from the part where you were going to give this a 0 if he didn't vote...)
Sanctuary - I'm glad you all chose the Jersey Queen to ironically stan.
And oh boy, you thought it was ironic stanning? Looks Jessi has more fans on the forum than LOONA has record sales. Whodafunk it? Let's begin with Empty Shoebox's arch-nemesis, ThighHighs: "I love this. I don’t care what anyone else says, this trash knocks and it’s exactly what I want from Jessi." Fanclub treasurer is Ryan_Riot92: "Gucci Choochie Choochie. Really this song isn’t terrible and I kind of really dig it teebs. I’m not really ashamed because I like Jessi as an artist period and this is honestly just her being herself. Can’t hate that." But, looking at the reviews, apparently you can? Oh it's the Chair for Recreational Dog-Sitting He oppa: "Ok, I kinda love Jessi since Sister’s Slam Dunk. This is bopable. A bit messy, a bit trashy, but quite fun." Vice-President Karmarisma lays down the red carpet for a Coochination: "Jessi is a Queen." and the Supreme Exec Director Monkey0 is giving me experimental drug treatment TV ad voiceover before the side effects are rattled off: "How can you dislike straight up mid-00s bop served by overconfident trashy rapper? Find love and joy in your life if you do. I DO feel like Gucci, thanks Jessi!"
And let's see those side-effects in full force through unnies who are in critical taste care. Aries is only experiencing mild symptoms thank the heavens: "Against all of my better judgement I (sort of) enjoy this." and Slice of Life's bodily reactions remain a positive sign of recovery: "I actually don't hate this dddddddd. It's a bop, etc. One critique though: I feel like I've heard this before??? I still cringe at Jessi but props for her for delivering a cute little bop." But, sadly, not everyone can be saved. RUNAWAY has quite literally jumped off the deep end and now can only shout due to deafness in all orifices: ".......I KNOW. I’m sorry. THIS SONG IS FUCKING TRASH CIVARAGI BULLSHIT BUT I CANNOT STOP PLAYING IT. " and Eliminathan is in rehab for his addiction. He's been babbling nonsensically for at least five hours now since indecent exposure to the Cooch: "Hell yeah sis this shit go hard as hell Jessi I will suck big dick team slut all day and week, month, year and century. I love big naps G U C C I S Q U A D"
Lord have mercy, let's wrap this up shall we? Serg. forgot we were in a medical bay and not the Supreme court: "Unlike everyone else on the jury I personally have no problem with the song it's a bit too basic but other than that you can use it for bopping once a week." A bop a week, keeps my coochie meek. And Cotton Park sunbaenim is more in the guise of head teacher at parent's evening with this final word: "Yeah, she's the bad mutha fucka in the room. Someone has to be. Despite the overused repeating-catch-phrase-over-sick-beat that was so 2015, this is decidedly not terrible. Mostly thanks to Jessi, trying so hard to create a scandal like her high school classmates Tiffany and Jessica. Keep at it."
KEEP AT IT KIDZ, STAY IN BAD ILJINS CLUB SCHXXL
Haha, poor Jessi. The draggings are real.
BINCH STOLE MY LEWK
A Nine wasn’t good enough???
If you have to tar your soul at least go all the way in.
Me proudly walking in with my 9 for BOPUCCI, side effects and all
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