Discussion in 'K-pop' started by Squashua, Dec 4, 2017.
I'm good, take Wang.
I should've never recorded Wonho performing shirtless for you.
@eccentricsimply let’s fight over some K-Ladies, there is too much shirtless man on these last pages for me.
Jessi suxxs xxxxx
TRASH FOR IT 10s:
@D is for Danger! // RUNAWAY
(YOU LET QRISUS DOWN @GeiPanda - no Japanese lessons for you)
BEIGE ABOUT IT 4 to 5s:
BEST FICTION // Gintoko // Sanctuary
STRAIGHT UP ILJINS:
2 - @McQueer
2.5 - Alouder98
3 - Salami
Welcome all who enter here on this hallowed day of our Saviour.
Have you welcomed ha holy mimosa & memeability into your life?
She goes by many names
Qriru Granth Slaybib
The following of what you're about to read is entirely almost true and not an amended version of a Jesus sermon I found online.
I open with a burning question that is more serious than it will seem in the asking. I will warn you: it has an edge to it (unlike Qri's vocals). It is THE question that divides all peoples, everywhere. The question of the hour is, What are you going to do with Qrisus of Unspecified Chinese Entertainment Company-zareth, who claimed for Haself deity and issued a demand that everyone repent of their sin and believe in Her and Her largely non-existent vocal tones alone for salvation?
This morning (or whatever time zone us heathens are in these days), I present to you that Saviour whose Qrisciples are bias and recreating old shady Qri memes with new filters in this world and whose gospel is increasingly marginalized within her own group's line distribution. I will not give you a set of ideas to mull over and decide whether to accept or reject (because let's be real this song isn't that deep). I will instead lay before you the One Qod sent, whom the song Diamond consistently presents as our only hope of forgiveness of sin, reconciliation with MySpace style demoitis, and a new life that never ends unless you see Qrisus in your mirror at the stroke of midnight holding a knife and a mimosa. Consider now the straight (ha, as if she has straight fans), unvarnished statement of one of the eyewitnesses to Qrisus in the Bible. And ask yourself, "What am I going to do when those ghostly woos begin?"
Oh but we haven't even started yet.
*cue opening credits and strange sounds a.k.a. Diamond*
Honestly, I don't even know where to begin with this song. It's a paradox - how can one sub-3 minute song be both the most insane recording of the last 12 months and yet also decidedly basic, overproduced to within an inch of its life and lackadaisical in approach? Why do I bop to its sheer magnetism and yet also see beyond myself as if an apparition looking down on horror at my own actions as if possessed by a creepy force beyond nature?
Qod, I need a drink.
Because really the image this evokes for me is one of abandoned plantations on the bible belt where a plethora of whispy voices Ooooo-oo OOOOooo-oo OOOOOOOO-ooo at you continually from their place beyond the living and guard a deep settled trove of diamonds some bayou swamp pirates buried there before their untimely demise on the stroke of the harvest blood moon.
BASICALLY IT'S AN INDIE-BAITING MUSICAL EQUIVALENT OF
SCOOBY DOO ON ZOMBIE ISLAND.
Like I kinda have to admit - this, on a dark halloweeny eve, knocks a touch. I can feel myself being lured in by that mixtape bayou blues wailing record scratch intro and how the beat just oozes out across the airwaves without even a hint of being apologetic about it. It's so simple to the point of reductivity but also alluringly so - like I accept poor Qrisus Qrist Superstar sounds like she debuted in the 1980's with that deep xanaxed drawl and needs as much vocal production as she can get but it's not unappealing either? The live performance was giving me kinda Fergie meets Lana_swaying.gif teas which is a combo that i'm not sure how I feel about but i'mma watch it anyway. I don't even know where my taste level is any more.
Accept a Qri knife gif as penance.
Let's split up and search for clues as to why this does or does not bop gang.
Salami lost the map and couldn't join us for ghost hunting, being stuck in a wasteland somewhere. Watch out for the mutant hicks - I hear they like sausage: "It goes absolutely nowhere. The opening 5 seconds had me intrigued but the rest was really boring." Aries was in that same car, make sure you run faster than him sis!: "Interesting production but I feel like it doesn't go anywhere". Empty Shoebox wonders if we'll ever get there in this broke-down jalopy we call the Miss Terry Machine (I rented it from @ohnostalgia <3): "I'm usually a fan of T-ARA, but this one goes on a bit. When I start looking at the clock midway through a song, that's never a good thing." Kuhleezi felt a chill rush over ha when the MBK monitors started flickering and sensed the spirits were playing a game with us: "I like this but I can’t shake the impression the chorus sounds lifted from a Candy Crush commercial." but I mean we wouldn't be even stuck with this oogie boogie puritanical ghost story theme if it wasn't for Slice of Life's commentary that sent me cackling to the grave: "THIS SPOOKY TUMBLR PUSSY BOP DOE DDDDD. GRIMES UNNIE IS SHAKING. I don't use this that much but this remains iconic just for existing."
ACTUAL FOOTAGE FROM beyond the grave THE LOST MV SHOOT:
But unlike me living my ghost-hunting fantasy, some of y'all only play with the spirit of Qrisus in the House of our Unnie and Saveloy. Brother Monkey0 has control of the Qrior during practice: "Producers went so extra with her vocals production plus background vocals. Amazing. That melody is known and common but it's perfect as mantra for Church of Qrisus." and Cyster Ceir knows a good psalm when he hears one delivered in a thousand levels of voice production: "Speaking of a lack of crescendo, I want to love this song more than I do. I love the instrumental, I love Qri’s spoken-word-whisper-sermon. But, for the love of God if the girl doesn’t have the vocals to make the song more interesting you gotta do something to the production. Adding an extra layer to the last chorus to give it a pop, give me something to work with here!"
YOU CAN ONLY HEAR THE VOICE OF QRISUS
IF YOU BELIEVE (and turn the volume up really loud)
Naturally, we can't talk about a Qri track without discussing her vocal prowess, vocal runs that have Yoona shook and ad-libs that had Yuri asking to dye her hair for 9th time.
Some of y'all were self-proclaimed blasphemers:
EccentricSimply - This is surprisingly pleasant? It's very same-y and the choice to keep the beat way higher than the vocals is... a choice, but it works here so I'm not too mad about it.
Alouder98 - I (ironically) stan Qri but God, her vocals are awful. Like the song is not that bad on it's own but Qri's vocals (and her tone in general) completely ruin it for me.
Cotton Park - Despite the iconic nose-mole and one of KPop's coolest stage names, I never thought much of Qri, while I adore Jiyeon and Eunjung is definitely my bias, but this was one of the most unexpected little gems of 2017. I never realized until this year how much Qri sounds like Uhm Jung Hwa. (SQSH: Maybe they're part of a youth sapping cult of unageing noonas? They drain life force & endless beauty from nugu vocal cords - why do you think all of Blackpink have disappeared hmm..)
Some of you felt it was not a voice of mere mortals but the elements themselves:
Eliminathan: The song is so subdued but at the same time there's like 50 layers of vocals it's pretty jarring vocally. I wouldn't say I hate it though, it just sounds a bit metallic at some points and only those parts are hard to hear. (SQSH: Are you sure the metallic bits aren't just the sound of a knife?)
Serg: Is the quality of this audio bad or did she just record this while taking a shower? (SQSH: Diamonds need cleaning too hennyyyyy)
And some have heard the pleas of the Lawd above and rained down comparisons to ha alt-pop prophets here on this earth:
ThighHighs: "Who knew that Qri would be able to pull THIS off? If you had told me before that the ICONIC, but notoriously vocal-shy Qrisus would be able to pull off a sultry “Royals”-lite thumper, I would have told you were drunk. But here this is! The song is a bit low-key for my liking, but it’s got a nice groove and her performance is impressive both vocally and in the few live stages she was able to snatch."
He: "Talent, period. Who would have thought Qri would become a “competent” dancer and singer after all this time. This sounds like a Charli XCX track."
Charli XCX when the Qrihovah Witnesses convert her to Qristianity by playing Diamond on Google Drive:
I do try to keep themes going but y'all write lots, i've got a cold coming on and haven't eaten having been locked in the YG basement for two days with only plastic cups and desperation for nutrition. McQueer's been checking out your junk guys, just FYI: "I know everyone has a hard-on for most things T-ara related but this song has no place in this rate. It’s cute I guess but like, that’s it." Gintoki's viewpoint is firmly Old Testament: "I like Qri, I really do, but this song is no more than b(c)-side on a mini-album." Get it? BC?? HAHAHA *cries*. Oh look, RUNAWAY has more inflated figures than a Laboum music show win: "This song is about how Qri helped the group sell 10 million copies right? Diamonds only. QUEEN." That's Qrin to you sonny jim. Sometimes I wonder if karmarisma has more UOs than the Vatican has Catholics - maybe they should just convert to Diamondism?: "I liked this better than T-ara's comeback this year. Q-ri unnie is always relevant."
And how's this for a spookie ookie tumblr coochie coincidence! Not only do forum's most noted Qrisciples have a spiritual love for pandas, they also have a psychic link for passing on THE EXACT SAME ARTICLE LINK through the powers bestowed by Qrishna haself. D is for Danger! gets to go first and get bragging rights because he actually gave this a 10: "Who thought Qri had something like this in her?! The "knock knock knock on my door" pre-chorus is absolutely everything! May Qrishna bless the producer who managed to pull this off. It's cool, sexy and effortless." and GeiPanda, I see you overcompensating with the adorations. Watch out for that metallic sound Eliminathan mentioned earlier is all i'll say...: "My avatar. My idol. MY QUEEN. Truly, it was the most random yet epic moment of 2017 to be having a Qrisus solo song that knocks... and particularly for her to be having her own solo stage. She showed so much looks, charisma, and straight-up talent in that era. And once again, who would have thought in 2017 we would have a producer praising Qri’s vocals? (John: “Yeah, Qri put a dope spin on it! It’s not an easy record to sing, rhythmically it can be challenging for a lot of artists, but she did a great job”.) Give us those vocal runs that we love. RISE UP AND KEEP RISING QRI-PRETTY."
QRI-PRETTY - HEW MEH?
(I demand @R92 dyes his hair this shade of blonde in honour of Qrisus' passing)
QRI WHEN SHE FINDS OUT SHE'S BEEN ELIMINATED:
I thought y'all will let this live ''for the kiis'' for the next 10-20 eliminations so this was a pleasant surprise.
Also let me use this post to say I love that every time I go back to the write-ups/artworks of this rate I find more geniusly-used details in them, just like @Squashua's hosting skills. Like every time I think ''this is the best rate that I've seen'' but he just outdoes himself and proves me wrong two months later.
Wow @GeiPanda unnie is one fake ass hoe for not giving Diamond a 10. xoxo
I’m done. I CANNOT.
I AM SO SORRY QRISUS, PLEASE FORGIVE ME!
WAIT. I thought we liked this one? Why can I never stan the “proper songs”?
1. Why does Jinyoung do that weird head-banging in Bounce as his go to move?
2. Not them doing the Shake It move before Shake It was ever a thing. Gay icons.
3. Why does Jinyoung dress like a homely father of 3 now when he used to dress like that?
4. JJ Project's biggest crime is producing bland results when there's tons of homoeroticsm brimming by having the most hunty member and the semi-homophobic member be 1) best friends and 2) in a duo.
5. I still haven't found T-ARA interest but that Diamond song was cute.
Seriously what the hell is going on here????
YES I gave it a 9 and I'm not ashamed to admit it.
Ok, but aren't I less of a fake hoe for not just blindly giving my idol an instant 10? My love for Diamonds has always been bolstered through the spiritual being of Qrisus herself.
And you're acting like a 9 is a 0.5.
Love me Slicey. (I added a cute gif for you @Slice of Life and @D is for Danger!).
Waiting on that massive beige cull.
Don't hold your breath.
Ok, but Wow has really grown on me.
Too late, though.
Also y'all were being thirst buckets on the last page yet couldn't even toss a few points ASTRO's way when this whole thing started despite the fact they deliver constant Perfect Boyfriend concepts over and over.
I want some answers.
Can YoonA join?
(Take what you want, YoonA, just leave Joy alone!)
I don't think anyone is sapping our Queen Joy's youth. If anything, she's been feeding off the unnies lately.
Separate names with a comma.