We Never Go Out of Style: The 1989 Rate

[Jeffo]

And so the story begins…

 

[Jeffo]

Once upon a time, Scott and Andrea of Nazareth found themselves staying in a lowly manger in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, unable to find a room to stay in. Andrea had been blessed with the responsibility of carrying our Lord and Savior in her womb so that She could be born to the human world and save us all from our mortal sins. Andrea finally fulfilled her duties on December 13, 1989 -- a date so momentous that Beyoncé the Baptist would memorialize it with her surprise album. Similarly, Taylor Christ chose to name Her own Gospel after Her birth year. This thread is a celebration of our Lord and Savior Taylor and all that She has given us!

1. Welcome To New York
2. Blank Space
3. Style
4. Out of the Woods
5. All You Had To Do Was Stay
6. Shake It Off
7. I Wish You Would
8. Bad Blood
9. Wildest Dreams
10. How You Get the Girl
11. This Love
12. I Know Places
13. Clean
14. Wonderland
15. You Are In Love
16. New Romantics

Rate each book of the New Testament listed above with a score of 0 through 10, with a 0 being the equivalent of Satan’s work and 10 being the the highest form of life affirmation. Half points are allowed. The scores for each book are averaged, compiled in a list from lowest score to highest score, and then revealed by yours truly.

However, Lord Taylor Christ doesn’t just save our souls through music. She also encourages the saving of souls through friendship, so this celebration of Her Gospel wouldn’t be complete without a ranking of Her disciples.

1. Selena Gomez
2. Lena Dunham
3. Serayah McNeill
4. Gigi Hadid
5. Ellie Goulding
6. Martha Hunt
7. Cara Delevigne
8. Zendaya
9. Hayley Williams
10. Hailee Steinfeld
11. Lily Aldridge
12. Karlie Kloss

The same rules apply, though you’ll be scoring each disciple twice -- 0 through 5 for their effectiveness in the Squad and then a second score of 0 through 5 for their ability to witness to the unwashed outside of our Savior’s means.

Happy rating! For through your belief in our Lord and Savior Taylor Christ, you will continue to be blessed’t.

 

[Jeffo]

What?

No way.

Wait.

Eaux.

Were we talking about 1989?

Let’s talk about the REAL women of 1989.

 

[Jeffo]

You know how this goes by this point. But since someone inevitably asks how this whole thing works, let’s go over the rules real quick:

1. Rate each song on a scale of 0-10, with half-points allowed. Hell, if you actually want to use the full range of the tenths slot, go ahead, I don’t care.
2. I’ve gone back and forth on allowing the 11, but I think people here seem to enjoy that sort of thing so I’ll allow it for this rate. (@gezza76 ha impact.)
3. This is an album rate, so you’ll be rating the album version of each song.
4. If I think your scores are an attempt at trolling, I will throw them out. Ain’t no one got time for such petty stan antics.

I’ll average out all of the scores and then the reveals begin, starting with the lowest scores. You have around a month to complete your scores and PM them to me. Voting closes at 11:59 PM EST on November 15. And for the love of Taylor send me your scores in the order that the songs appear on this page. Have I forgotten anything here?

As a side note, when I originally conceived this rate, I didn’t include Cyndi Lauper but I had a change of heart and I think 54 songs is still a manageable amount. Does anyone object to this?



In chronological order of release date:

Forever Your Girl
Release Date: June 13, 1988

1. The Way That You Love Me
2. Knocked Out
3. Opposites Attract
4. State of Attraction
5. I Need You
6. Forever Your Girl
7. Straight Up
8. Next to You
9. Cold Hearted
10. One or the Other

Like a Prayer
Release Date: March 21, 1989

1. Like a Prayer
2. Express Yourself
3. Love Song
4. Till Death Do Us Part
5. Promise to Try
6. Cherish
7.Dear Jessie
8. Oh Father
9. Keep It Together
10. Spanish Eyes
11. Act of Contrition

A Night to Remember
Release Date: May 9, 1989

1. I Drove All Night
2. Primitive
3. My First Night Without You
4. Like a Cat
5. Heading West
6. A Night to Remember
7. Unconditional Love
8. Insecurious
9. Dancing with a Stranger
10. I Don't Want to Be Your Friend
11. Kindred Spirit

Rhythm Nation 1814
Release Date: September 19, 1989

1. Rhythm Nation
2. State of the World
3. The Knowledge
4. Miss You Much
5. Love Will Never Do (Without You)
6. Livin' in a World (They Didn't Make)
7. Alright
8. Escapade
9. Black Cat
10. Lonely
11. Come Back to Me
12. Someday Is Tonight

Enjoy Yourself
Release Date: October 9, 1989

1. Hand on Your Heart
2. Wouldn't Change a Thing
3. Never Too Late
4. Nothing to Lose
5. Tell Tale Signs
6. My Secret Heart
7. I'm Over Dreaming (Over You)
8. Tears on My Pillow
9. Heaven and Earth
10. Enjoy Yourself

Happy rating!

 

[Jeffo]

THE LEADERBOARD

Spoiler

#54: Kylie Minogue - Tell Tale Signs
#53: Kylie Minogue - Heaven and Earth
#52: Paula Abdul - Next to You
#51: Kylie Minogue - My Secret Heart
#50: Madonna - Act of Contrition
#49: Cyndi Lauper - Kindred Spirit
#48: Paula Abdul - One or the Other
#47: Cyndi Lauper - Dancing with a Stranger
#46: Madonna - Love Song
#45: Paula Abdul - I Need You
#44: Kylie Minogue - Tears on My Pillow
#43: Cyndi Lauper - My First Night Without You
#42: Paula Abdul - State of Attraction
#41: Cyndi Lauper - Heading West
#40: Cyndi Lauper - Like a Cat
#39: Cyndi Lauper - Insecurious
#37: Madonna - Dear Jessie --- TIE
#37: Cyndi Lauper - Primitive --- TIE
#35: Janet Jackson - Someday Is Tonight -- TIE
#35: Janet Jackson - Livin' in a World (They Didn't Make) -- TIE
#34: Cyndi Lauper - Unconditional Love
#33: Cyndi Lauper - A Night to Remember
#32: Kylie Minogue - Nothing to Lose
#31: Kylie Minogue - I'm Over Dreaming (Over You)
#30: Paula Abdul - The Way That You Love Me
#29: Janet Jackson - The Knowledge
#28: Cyndi Lauper - I Don't Want to Be Your Friend
#27: Madonna - Spanish Eyes
#26: Paula Abdul - Knocked Out
#25: Janet Jackson - Lonely
#24: Kylie Minogue - Enjoy Yourself
#23: Madonna - Keep It Together
#22: Janet Jackson - State of the World
#21: Kylie Minogue - Wouldn't Change a Thing
#20: Madonna - Promise to Try
#19: Paula Abdul - Cold Hearted
#18: Paula Abdul - Opposites Attract
#17: Janet Jackson - Come Back to Me
#16: Paula Abdul - Forever Your Girl
#15: Janet Jackson - Black Cat
#14: Janet Jackson - Alright
#13: Kylie Minogue - Never Too Late
#12: Madonna - Till Death Do Us Part
#11: Madonna - Oh Father
#10: Madonna - Express Yourself
#9: Madonna - Cherish
#8: Janet Jackson - Miss You Much
#7: Kylie Minogue - Hand on Your Heart
#6: Cyndi Lauper - I Drove All Night
#5: Paula Abdul - Straight Up
#4: Janet Jackson - Love Will Never Do (Without You)
#3: Janet Jackson - Rhythm Nation
#2: Madonna - Like a Prayer
#1: Janet Jackson - Escapade

ALBUM ROUND-UPS

Spoiler

Kylie Minogue - Enjoy Yourself
Cyndi Lauper - A Night to Remember
Paula Abdul - Forever Your Girl
Madonna - Like a Prayer
Janet Jackson - Rhythm Nation 1814

 

[Jeffo]

Also reserved.

 

[Jeffo]

PS. Don't kill me for opening up this rate a couple of days late, @RainOnFire

 

[2014]

This looks fun. I am going to do this.

 

[tylerc]

I have never heard Paula's album... but I must participate.

 

[Jersey]

@Jeffo, that was amazing. I actually think I might participate in this too.

 

[Laura Vanderbooben]

Oh, we're not rating Taylor?

[leaves thread]

 

[Aester]

Oh my god, Straight Up, Like A Prayer, and Love Will Never Do all in one rate. So many classics here.

 

[2014]

I've only heard Like A Prayer and Rhythm Nation but I've wanted to check Paula and Cyndi out actually, so this rate has come at the perfect time.

 

[K94]

I haven't heard a lot of these albums but I'll let Jeffrey be great and prob vote.

 

[RJF]

Paula Abdul though.

 

[Edu]

Amazing. You can count me in.

 

[matthew.]

 

[Sprockrooster]

Amazing intro!! Love love this

 

[Andrew]

Straight Up, Like A Prayer (which will win), Wouldn't Change A Thing, I Drove All Night or Love Will Never Do are the only acceptable 11s...
I might join in.

 

[2014]

Rhythm Nation is going to be the easiest 11 I've given in a rate so far.