You are released - The Agnes Discography Rate (Finished)

And we return to the gospel according to @Empty Shoebox.

Now it is time

for to go

and explore in

poor English language


Get My Math
Average: 5.81
High scores: 9.4 x 1 (@Untouchable Ace), 8.5 x 1 (@Hurricane Drunk), 8.3 x 1 (@berserkboi)
Low scores: 2 x 2 (@iheartpoptarts, @Lost Boy)

Chart positions: N/A

As tempted as I am to translate this to and from Japanese several times to match the broken language of the title, I’m not that bad.

Anyway, time for a more sort of R&B sound? I’m guessing that’s what it is. At least it’s not a ballad. At any rate, it seems that it wasn’t too popular on here.

As you can tell, I’m not impressed by the lyrics here at all. I find them really infantile and irritating. That said, I’ve seen worse from native English speakers. Two of those writers are boring, so let’s mention Johan Åberg, who has not only written songs in English, but in French too (attempts to wake up @berserkboi)

And Spanish!

And Australian!

Right, surely that’s everyone hating me now?

Speaking of hate (that was smooth that. Did you like it?)

@iheartpoptarts GOES LOUD
“GET OUT OF THE EQUATION. But seriously, the whole R&B lite thing isn’t working for her at all.” - 2.0

@abael seemed ready to give it the benefit of the doubt:
“Composed well enough, but Agnes doesn’t really go for it, and leaves parts sounding jumbled.” - 7.0

@DJHazey strikes a comparison:
‘Hey her and Hilegend both have a “math” song on their debuts. Legends only indeed. Please don’t tell them that I hate both. (If I hear another bubble pop, I’ll snap)’ - 4.0

Neoege nal matchujinma...

No, just me? Okay. Let’s move on.

@berserkboi is left wanting more:
‘Lots of attitude, but the production though adequate lets it down a bit’ - 8.3

But @danmharrow seemed satisfied:
‘Came for the title, stayed for the Xtina vibe’ - 8.0

Dim the lights.

Time to boogie.


Life (Diamonds In The Dark) (John Dahlbäck feat. Agnes)
Average score: 5.94
High score: 10 x 1 (@Txetxu)
Low score: 1 x 1 (@əʊæ)

Warning: You may need to skip this post if you don’t like tech house.

Continuing our ongoing feature of “Swedish people that @WowWowWowWow would like to have living in his pocket,” John Dahlbäck popped onto the scene back in 2004. It was actually our friends in Belgium who gave John his first proper hit in 2007, when “Blink” reached #14 in Flanders and #19 in Wallonia.

“Life” began its, well, life as an instrumental track in 2012, and Agnes came along to join the party in 2013.

Since this is Popjustice, I must also mention his collaboration with Stockholm Syndrome (aka two of the original five members of RedOne’s girlband Love Generation):

And for my money, John’s best moment thus far came in 2017 with “Catch Me If You Can” featuring Melanie Fontana:

I totally bop out to “Life (Diamonds In The Dark),” but I hear you all when you say this was too long. The video version was a gloriously tightened edit, but I couldn’t find that version on Spotify and could only give you the full-length. Sorry @Txetxu especially.

@berserkboi (9.3) I will see you on the dancefloor: “Suits the Trance trend well too!”

@iheartpoptarts (8) please join us as well: “Bangers are always welcome, even if drowning her out at times is an odd choice.”

@Untouchable Ace (6.7) says the thing I would probably say in 2019, being the grumpy old man that I have become: “A bit too loud.”

@tylerc904 (3.5) is right there as well: “Just noise really.”

(Interlude as I must yell out the window at those rascally kids making noise on the curb in front of my apartment.)

If you let down the man with DJ in his username, you’re in trouble. @DJHazey (4) said: “I tend to dislike vocal trance songs like this that are too long because I generally don’t do instrumentals unless they’re incredible. This isn’t and the payoff isn’t close to spectacular enough.”

@abael (3) twists the knife deeper: “They really created 6 minutes of something sounding this dated? I’m talking dated in comparison to Agnes’ discog in general as well.”

And we wrap up with @danmharrow, who even with a 1.5 still wasn’t the lowest scorer for this song: “This sounds more dated than almost all of Agnes’ stuff from way earlier, and doesn’t make the most of her voice either.”​
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Giving you the next elimination now since I’ll be off the grid for the next ~18 hours or so.

How do you feel about this one?


What A Feeling
Average score: 6.02
High score: 10 x 1 (@DJHazey)
Low score: 1 x 2 (@Lost Boy, @Verandi)

What an honor for me to be able to post the elimination of this cover of the Namie Amuro classic! Jokes!!

As we enter into 6+ score territory, of course we all (should) know “What A Feeling” as the theme song to the movie Flashdance. It brought Irene Cara a Grammy Award for Best Female Pop Vocal Performance, while she and her co-writers also won the Academy Award for Best Original Song. Halfway to an EGOT off the back of one song. Not everyone has that!

Irene’s version of “What A Feeling” spent six weeks at #1 on the Hot 100, and it reached #1 in Sweden as well. Hence why it was perfect fodder for Agnes to perform during the live shows of “Idol,” as previously discussed.

Let’s start with @Verandi, who was one of our lowest scorers for this song.
“I deeply dislike the original already, so this is not helping for that matter.” - 1.0

@tylerc904 needs to predict the Mega Millions numbers next.
“Cute cover, if a bit random. She probably performed it on Idol?” - 7.0

@danmharrow cuts to the chase:
“It wasn’t necessary but it’s solid.” - 6.0

@iheartpoptarts was also focused on the Bare Necessities:
“Not exactly necessary but not bad either. And I mean, I know they probably threw this album together in like a week.” - 7.0

@abael needed more information.
“What feeling? Artists like Agnes should never cover tracks like this as comparisons to the original highlight the worst aspects of her discography.” = 4.0

@Sprockrooster manages to namecheck the previous elimination.
“That somehow completely sucked the life out of the original.” - 4.0

@berserkboi gives a Cara-cteristically (not to worry, I hate myself enough as it is, you don’t have to add to it) response.
“Impressive! A little less euphoric instrumentation than the original but the vocals are somehow better than Irene’s…” - 9.7

And let’s close with our high scorer @DJHazey, who is standing firm.
“Yes, I knew the original before loving this version, I’m not that uncultured ddd. Both are all kinds of amazing, so deal.” - 10​